It is sinking in now...
Back Story for those who don't remember/know: SO had SS17 right when he turned 19. What was supposed to be a 1 nighter right before he left for the Navy turned into a "do the right thing and marry her". BM1 never stopped partying and they were divorced before SS17's 1st bday. SS17 had issues. He is bi-polar and on the autism spectrum. His medication is well regulated and he does pretty good considering. After BM2 left, SO was still deployed in the Navy so SS17 got dropped at SO's mom's house. It was agreed that he would finish high school there so that we didn't disrupt his life anymore by moving the kid again. stb MIL is a SAINT!
However, I am having some apprehensions about him moving in with us. The last 2 weeks, where SS13 and my bio's weren't there much (they go to their dad's from day after Christmas to New Years). SS17 is OBSESSED with video games... Like many teenagers. However, with his disabilities he also has a hard time separating real life from fantasy. These stupid games are ALL he could talk about. He can't have normal conversations. He doesn't have basic life skills. He can't function very well in reality. He can't remember to eat, or shower, or do any of the things that normal 17 yr olds do. He doesn't have a concept of money, or bills, or even really able to drive. He has a license but he should not. It is really bad!! I am so terrified that he will have to live with us forever. He isn't a bad kid, don't get me wrong. It is just sinking in and I needed to kind of let it out a little.
When he moves here we are going to have him in vocational training. There is a major industrial apprenticeship program out here that we applied for him to go to. It is really popular program in this area because the students get paid to go to school. SS has been doing welding in votech and that is what he wants to do for a living. If he doesn't get in there we are going to send him to the local community college for various welding certifications. The problem is that he has ZERO drive. I am so afraid that he isn't going to go, or he is going to fail.
When SO retires (in about 4 years) we are planning on buying a house with some kind of apartment for him (MIL suite, detached garage apartment, etc). So he will be with us and monitored, but just not in the main living space. I guess I am just stressing myself out with all of the unknowns... There just seems to be so many of them!
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Please get him as much help
Please get him as much help as possible to eventually live independent of you. For his sake. You will not live forever. I have friends whose adult children live very full lives with a little help.
My BS, age 20, has high
My BS, age 20, has high functioning autism. He still lives with me. He graduated May of last year. He was held back one year and he had to start school later do to his birthday. He is taking a life skills class now and he is going to a vocational program when he has finishes the life skills class. I am helping him understand that I will not be around forever and that I need him to be able to function and live on his own. He has a counselor that works with us to determine his needs and what he can and can not do. I agree with the others. Find out what type of assistance he can get and use it.
Thank you guys so much! Just
Thank you guys so much! Just knowing that there are others out there dealing with this helps! I will talk to SO about Social Services ASAP!
Adding a little more
Adding a little more information. My BS, is obsessed with video games as well. I was constantly reminding him to take a shower, brush your teeth and put on deodorant every day. His father and I had split custody one week with him and one with with me. His father never made sure he took a shower. My BS came to live with me full time his Junior year in high school. It was a challenge but with constant reminders, he has finally able to do remember to do everything on his on now. He can cook, clean and wash his own laundry.
Do not get stressed out? Just find the help he needs and it may take a little bit longer but he should be able to function on his own with some help.
My 19 ds also is High
My 19 ds also is High functioning. He doesn't qualify for SSI. He has been approved for services from Regional center. I fully expect him to have a fairly normal life. He graduated High school last June and has done 1 paid internship at my work in the IT dept. In Mid January he will be joining this group that teaches coding and creating video games sort of a school. He is able to take care of himself and knows when he needs to shower, eat, do laundry etc. He is able to cook easy menu items. He needs assistance with money but most young adults need to learn to manage their money.
This was all done by hard work on all of our part. Some High Functioning are not as lucky and have several deficits that effect their daily life. In my case he has problems communicating with his Dad but not with me. When I travel for work he will go and stay with my parents. This is a little concerning for me but if I am home he can go and spend time/the night or several nights with his friends. I feel bad that he has so much dependents on me. I truly do not baby him but I understand him. He is over 6ft and I am 5'3 but I will not hesitate to get in his face and tell him to back down or calm the heck down.
Just try to be there for SS. Help him along the way. Find out what works. Sometimes routines work sometimes they don't. It is not easy and I honestly never thought we would be where we are, I figured I would have to take care of DS for the rest of my life.