Car Issues
Let me start by saying that I love this man... Just wish I could get rid of the money grubbing ex wife.
When SO and I got together he was recovering from his divorce. His ex took off while he was out to sea (Military). She took the nice newer SUV and left him the old minivan. Whatever, it was paid off. So he has been driving that ever since. We are now about talking a 15 yr old minivan. He was out here alone... no kids, sexy old minivan. I love this man... I swear I do... Ok... Moving on. I have a decent car, it's a hybrid and gets great gas milage, has no problems and my car payment is paid by my company as part of my benefits package. I only have a one mile commute to work. SO has a 30 mile commute. I decided to let him drive my car and I started taking his van to work since his van was having all of these issues and it really wasn't safe to be on the highway anymore. I thought this would be for a couple for months-- tops. It has now been 7 freaking months.
I seriously didn't think I was going to make it to work or my meeting this morning that is across town. I get that he is still paying his ex 2K a month. Alimony hasn't stopped because she is working to get it exteneded. But at what point is that not my problem??? He is all stressed out and got an attitude with me today after I told him that he really can't put a new vehicle off much longer. I even offered to cover 1/2 his car payment until he got Alimony worked out. I am just so frustrated that we can't move on, that we can't have nicer things, that he is stressed over it all! We know that he will pay alimony next month- $1500 out the window and probably next month - Now we are up to 3K... if it goes into the following month he could have bought a beater! Stupid money grubbing fat ass ex wife! I hate her.
Sorry... Just needed to vent.
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I feel your pain
I'm in a similar situation. Love my SO - planning a wedding for Aug. He doesn't pay alimony but pays cs, he has no car of his own and earns less than me. Take home pay is considerably less due to the cs. (This is changing soon as he just got a court order to lower cs since he's now paying for medical ins for his girls). I generally hate to drive so it works for me that he does all the driving but there are times I just don't want to be on his schedule. I usually have to work later than I want to wait for him to get out of work. It sucks. Your SO needs to come up with money somehow to buy a small used car - there are ways. Or he'll have to chance driving his own
I can understand that when
I can understand that when you love someone, you want to help make their life as easy as possible. But in this scenario, it may actually be prolonging his urgency to get a new car. Allow him to struggle a little bit and use this old car for that long commute and I’m sure he’ll get tired of it really fast. Good luck!
I agree... plus I might be
I agree... plus I might be somewhat concerned about the fact that your vehicle is being paid for by your work..yet he is driving it. Would they have an issue with that? I'm sure that their purpose of doing that is so that their employees have a car.. not a spouse.
I think it's time that you take your vehicle back and let him drive his van. Again, perhaps he will be motivated to get something a bit nicer. It doesn't mean he has to go buy something new.. He could buy a used car...even perhaps he could save a littel for a few months..then sell his van for a few hundred and get something at least marginally nicer with zero car payment. My YSD got a 6 year old vehicle with low miles for 4K from a private seller. My DH has bought several trucks for 3-4K. No not fancy.. but whatever.. they drive fine. transportation.
It's easy for him to put it off while you suffer with the clunker.
I think it goes back to the fact that women want to "fix' things for their partners.. like you fixed his car problem.. even though it caused YOU a car problem.
I understand you wanting to
I understand you wanting to help your SO out. I let my SO use my vehicle (mine can tow, his cannot, plus he likes mine better). I buy stuff for his kids and I do other nice things for all of them. However, the second I get attitude instead of appreciation, that's when it ends. You're enabling your SO. What is his incentive to get a new vehicle, with the expense that entails, when you're the only one being inconvenienced? Time to take your car back and let him deal with it.
Who is paying the insurance
Who is paying the insurance for the car? Is SO on the insurance? If he has an accident driving your car will it be covered? What would your liability be if SO were in an accident?
What will happen when your
What will happen when your work discovers that you are no longer driving the car they are paying for?
What would he do if you weren’t in his life? Who would bail him out then, or would he figure it out for himself? Maybe he needs to file for a modification in alimony.
It all worked out last night.
It all worked out last night. I got home and he had multiple cars pulled up to see what I liked best and we are having one looked at by a mechanic today!