Update from New Years Day
The aftermath of our fight was DH backed off BS12 and he has changed his attitude towards the other children . We are going to start counseling this week and I hope it opens his eyes to a lot of things going on. I really think for him hearing advice from a 3rd party will go a long ways. He had a serious talk with SD, I didn't hear it because i was at work but he said he did it via FaceTime so she could see he meant business. A text was sent to BM that she will have to communicate via email and no more talking for SD because DH let SD know she needs to stop running to mommy and DH will not be communicating with BM often. I hope all these factors help because I was ready to throw in the towel. DH has also started to take out the puppy more so I hope he learns to do business outside . I think if DH resolved whatever issues he has everyone will be more at ease, BS and DH have a pretty good relationship when he is not on BS butt! They play basketball and soccer together and BS is always asking DH to help him with things and for his advice . I think DH has a ton of issues in general because he grew up with out a father ( his father left and started a new family and never ever once talked to DH) so DH maybe doesn't know how to be a father to a son? DH has only one sister and really no male figures in his life . So many buried issues that I hope can be resolved
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Comments
That's great!!!
That's great!!!
My SO's father walked out and started a new life and had zero relationship with him and his two siblings. My SO was 16 at the time. SO was super, super sensitive about anything that could be even slightly seen as "abandoning his children". He went to the other extreme. I would BEG him to discipline his daughter because she was literally making everyone miserable and his response was "I WILL NOT ABANDON MY CHILDREN!!!" I constantly heard about how his children would always come first and he would never abandon his children. He had 50/50 custody and went overboard to be a good, involved father. HE wanted to be the one to do EVERYTHING for his kids. BM took advantage but he didn't care. His adult children now hate him and want nothing to do with him. BM and her husband are the greatest thing ever.
Aww I feel bad for your SO,
Aww I feel bad for your SO, it really sucks for a father to do that. I think my DH meant his dad only once so he really never knew him. It's really messed up and the fathers doing it don't realize or care about the lasting affects on their children
I applaud you putting your
I applaud you putting your foot down firmly with your DH and I applaud him for by all idications listening.
I hope this has been less difficult than you had forecast it to be.
Which is usually what I find to be the case and my DW verbalizes she finds to be the case. The actual discussion far more often than not is not as difficult as we build it up in our minds to likely be.
Keep the communication rolling. Building the partnershop as equity life partners and equity parents to any children in your marriage is IMHO best for everyone. You, him, the kids.
It has worked out for my DW and I and our son. My former SS-31. He asked me to adopt him when he was 22. We made that happen. His mom and I met when he was 15mos old and married the week before he turned 2yo.
Congratulations to you all.
Keep up the great work.
And don't forget to take care of you.
He must understand
That parenting your children is done out of love. You want your children to grow up to be good , functioning adults. To achieve what they want in life
Yes that is my motto when it
Yes that is my motto when it comes to parenting, I want decent human beings that actually care about parent and want out of life then materialistic items . I parent out of love, if I'm not on you or caring then I am doing something wrong as a mother .
They key is ... actually
They key is ... actually parenting. Coddling is not parenting. Parenting is... parenting. Standards, etc.... Coddling is not love, it is not growing them to be good functioning adults. Sadly, it results in them being far less than......
IMHO of course.