Of course !BM drama before our trip
I was waiting for it to happen, drama with SD , BM and MIL! I just had a feeling when DH said he was talking to MIL on the phone it had to do with SD. mIL loooooove To butt in his relationship with SD and tell him how he needs to be doing more when she has no idea what is doing on!!! So MIL basically guilted DH about " not being there more for SD" and how she is doing bad in school because he doesn't communicate with BM anymore and some how that has to do with SD14 doing bad in school and it's also because he doesn't see SD anymore! First of all DH had to create boundaries with BM because she kept talking trash about our family! This just forced SD14 to communicate more with DH instead of always having BM in the middle so it seems like a win to me?!!!??! DH talked to SD more now even tho she hardly texts DH will always text SD "I love you " I miss you" also as far as not seeing SD, SD is the one that denies her visitation because of a friends party or something !!! DH always ask SD on her weekend if she is coming and it a no. Seems to me like BM was talking to MiL and yet again doing everything she do to make excuses for sSD and yet again put blame on DH and it boils my blood!!! SD is sad because she "misses daddy " so DH ramps up the texting and calling and effort and still nothing , SD is doing bad in school and some how it's DH!!!! Ugh I'm pissed ! I told him you need to tell MiL to BUTT out and you do not need her advise ! What was MIL expecting to come out of the phone call???? She offered no solutions!!! Well SD has a game Saturday, we leave Sunday and MIL suggested that DH go with SIL out of town to watch her play!!! Um no sorry !!!!! I am not gonna be stuck home with all the kids trying to pack every one and stressing . I'm already stressed out from work because we just had a lay off and I'm trying to gather everythiBf for this trip! But I knew this shit would happen! I told DH I'm sorry but no I need your help here at home and we can arrange to see one off her games when we return. I'm sure I'll be blamed For it but I am shit of this crap! We have a peaceful life until this type of thing happens! Also I'm sure if DH went to see SD play she would hear about our trip to Florida and guilt DH. To bring her and I don't want that stress on my sister who paid for the trip
- JustanotherSM17's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I thought SD had a conflict
I thought SD had a conflict with the trip and that was going to be the ultimate reason she really couldn't come anyway?
I'm sure his mom sees that they don't have a relationship and thinks it is his responsiblity as a father to make a bigger effort than texting.. even understanding that he has other kids.. she probably would like to see him go out of his way more for her.. but I get it's frustrating when you know the issues with BM and that visitation has been difficult. He needs to learn to shut his mom down if he doesn't agree with her POV.
"Mom, I am just as upset as you are that my daughter doesn't come to my house for visitation. I do my best to keep in touch with her in other ways.. but every time visitation rolls around she has a competing social engagement and tells me she is not coming. Unfortunately, I'm not able to constantly drop everything and run hours away because she can't be bothered to spend her court ordered weekend with me. If you would like to get involved by doing the driving to bring her back and forth on her desired schedule.. you are more than welcome to.. otherwise.. I have heard enough of your opinion on this matter".
Agree for once lol. Yea SD
Agree for once lol. Yea SD has a tournament this weekend, MIL is insisting that DH drive (3 hours) with SIL to see her play. We are leaving on Sunday for Florida . I told him the same, if she is not offering solutions then you need to tell her " I am not talking about this, I am doing what I can for my daughter" and yes the distance makes it a lot difficult for him to be more present for her but when she was living here in town she was over a lot, even more then EOW. Also they need to realize that SD is not the only child who doesn't live with her dad, not every thing that goes wrong in her life his DH fault. Seems to me like they just need to handle their own house holds and stop blaming DH for everything, even bad grades
"MIL/Mom, since you've chosen
"MIL/Mom, since you've chosen to blindly force your way into my relationship with my daughter I am sure you know it is her and her mom refusing me seeing her. If you would like to discuss with BM your own personal relationship w/ my child, feel free. I am not going to be spoken down to and disrespected because you are trying to mislead me with false information. I will keep contacting my child and reminding her that I love her, I will continue to ask her if she is coming to my home for visitation but since she continously says "no" I am not holding out much hope. I do hope that you are able to fix your personal relationship w/ her and her mother but I would prefer to not be involved in your business and I will ask one last time that you not try to butt into my business."
Right ! MIL said she is SO
Right ! MIL said she is SO worried about SD14 and that is why she is telling DH to do more because she is worried for SD.... ok but I don't see how that equals DH bent over backwards for SD. Seems to me like BM needs to make a point to actually be home more and help SD since she is the custodial parent. If she is SO worried about SD then she needs to be having a talk with SD and telling her that she needs to try to come when she is scheduled to come because her "help" is not helping . She needs to stop worrying about things she can not control and worry about her own life
Time for mommy MIL to get the
Time for mommy MIL to get the update that her son pays BM CS for the care and feeding of his children. BM needs to do what she is paid to do. MIL needs clarity that BM is the one causing the tragic crap with SD.
MIL needs to stay in her lane and if meddling is her thing, she can go after BM and not your DH.
Here's the fact of the matter
As the paternal grandmother, you need to realize you will always play 2nd banana to the maternal grandmother. It's just a fact. MIL is worried that SHE will be banned from the grandchildren's lives which can easily happen. In the case of divorce, paternal grandma needs to realize there's a good chance that she will be flushed especially with PAS.
Best to just stay in her lane...pushing the issue will make it worse. I've been on both sides of the table as a BM with a meddling MIL and now I'm a paternal grandma. There's no way I want to be ANYTHING like my bossy ex-MIL!
I get the Maternal GM
I get the Maternal GM/Paternal GM thing. When I was young I was far closer to my Maternal GM and Maternal GF than to the Patnernal GPs.
Once I progressed into my late teens and into my 20s and beyond, things shifted strongly.
I can only imagine what the dynamics are in the GP realm of the blended family world.
In our case, my parents are SS's GPs. Period. Dot. He is far closer to them and to my brother/SIL?their kids than he is to my DW's parents and the rest of my IL clan. THe SpermClan is not even on the RADAR screen for him.
But, our situation is definately the freak show of blended family situations. I can hardly believe how good it is. No doubt many think I am smoking something.
Well it's been the opposite,
Well it's been the opposite, BM would not dare shut up MIL because that's the only one she had to fed her Bs to. In fact I think BM encourages MIL to dote on SD and segregate MiL from her other grandchildren and single out poor SD . SD gets a lot of special attention from MIL and SIL . As long as that's going on I'll never be in her lane . I just learn to distance myself when it happens
It’s your life. You live it the way you want
If you want to drive 3 hours to watch the game go. If you don't ..Don't go. You are in control..SD will continue the game as long as you play with her. If you don't want to be stuck with SIL for 10 hours. Go by yourself. I would not sit at home all weekend. I would not be stuck in a car with SIL Have a good time. And maybe watch the game.
Right . And that is what I
Right . And that is what I tell DH, it's SDs game yet he is the one needs to always do more.... and MiL is so "worried" for SD , Will if she is so worried then maybe she should have SD live with her to be closed to DH, seems to me like MIL needs a hobby lol. Yea we are gonna go on a weekend when we come back, this weekend is already busy with packing and taking the car to change tires before we drive 10 hours on the road to Florida so SIL can enjoy her alone time with SD and BM since that's who SD likes to see anyways .
Turns out BM was yet again
Turns out BM was yet again lying to MiL about SD doing bad in school because of DH. Dh talked to SD today and asked her about it and asked if she needed any sort of help and SD had no idea what he was talking about . He mentioned that BM had talked to MIL about SD doing bad in school and said it was because DH no longer communicates With BM which has affected SD. SD said she is not sure why BM would say such a thing because she has been getting good grades so far and she doesn't need help i. Any subject..... I mean I hate to be right , but when it comes to BM I am always on point. This is exactly why DH needs to tell MIL to BuTT out, I told him that this seems like a tall tale BM would tell MIL to gain sympathy at yet again make DH look like the bad guy ... man BM yet again does not disappoint as being a total POS
Your DH is letting MIL
Take control. More then BM. That up to him to get MIL out of his head and stop listening to her. It's his child and his life