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Trying to find balance

June's picture

Submitted by June on Sat, 03/19/2011 - 10:52pm

So I'm trying this disengage thing with my SS13. Seams to be a popular word around this site. I'm finding thou that it's harder then it sounds. I have always tried to be a part of, to show that I was capable of being a trusting adult / friend to my SS13. He has always from day one not been fond of me. Tonight he us here and I tried to disengage and what little I said to him I was told by DH that my 'tone' is angry. Even if I'm not saying something mean. It's so hard for me to try and be happy in my home, act normal, have a pleasant tone but also disengage .. But only with SS13 and not with my DH. Oy vey this is more complicated then it looks! I also feel that since I've tried to disengage more SS13 is just loving it, in fact just tonight before he went to bed he walked right past me, went to DH and said goodnight dad, love ya. In the past I would have said something to him ( although I thing it's DHs job) but not this time.. Just took a deep breath and brushed it off. W

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mommy_of_4's picture

Submitted by mommy_of_4 on Sat, 03/19/2011 - 11:23pm

My SD13 does that every night. I actually like that. I do not wish for her to say good night to me, or anything for that matter. My SD has been with her BM since thursday and so I haven't had much of a chance to really disengage. I have had a few moments in the past where I will give SD a very brief answer when she asks me something, in hopes that she will just go away and I too have been accused of using an angry tone. LOL, i get accused of using an angry tone all the time but if you had to deal with my SD full time like i do then you would have an angry tone too. DH is lucky and he just doesn't understand. He only has to deal with SD for a few hours after work and most of the time she stays in her room because she would never show daddy her true colors.

The big G's picture

Submitted by The big G on Sun, 03/20/2011 - 1:00am

My sd is also 13 and I have to look after her while dh is working. I get the line she's treated like a second class citizen from dh, I would love to be treated like that, meals cooked for me, cleaning done for me, 4 mobile phones bought for me with a generous contract which I never have to keep too, a new laptop. Over 500 pounds in clothes etc no chores, god I would love that. As for the night night thing I don't get that as dh still has to put sd to bed. To the point if he isn't upstairs on time she will shout at him to come, I think she uses this as blackmail as we don't want bd3 and 1 woken up so I don't ever get a good night. Smile which suits me fine.

mommy_of_4's picture

Submitted by mommy_of_4 on Sat, 03/19/2011 - 11:24pm

My SD13 does that every night. I actually like that. I do not wish for her to say good night to me, or anything for that matter. My SD has been with her BM since thursday and so I haven't had much of a chance to really disengage. I have had a few moments in the past where I will give SD a very brief answer when she asks me something, in hopes that she will just go away and I too have been accused of using an angry tone. LOL, i get accused of using an angry tone all the time but if you had to deal with my SD full time like i do then you would have an angry tone too. DH is lucky and he just doesn't understand. He only has to deal with SD for a few hours after work and most of the time she stays in her room because she would never show daddy her true colors.