You're fighting with a 13 yo over food, under the guise that it's about respect. Why do we take things so personally when it's things that any normal child would do? He's going to covet the "special" item no matter how much trouble you go to making sure there's enough of his favorites available. It's human/children's nature.

Make the system work to your advantage. Buy your treat item "for" your SS. And buy what you want him to have for yourself.

I'm sorry that his behavior is frustrating you so.

Hi June, it is so frustrating! I also love the sad faces I get when FDH and FSD realize that they are out of something, like I was the one who finished it, not! I tell them they should look at eachother, who ever has crumbs or smeared ice cream lipstick is the one to blame, not me!

Ummm...ok, but I actually get you!! I do the same thing. I watch what I eat but allow myself a treat of some sort and it usually lasts a looooong time. Like I may buy a 6 pack of a certain carbonated beverage and it'll last a few weeks-month because I have one occasionally. Or a pint of ice cream I like will last a few weeks too. Our kids know mommy has her special treats. Even ss knows 'that' ice cream is mine. And pretty much everythig else he can have. Well, this past weekend I wanted my drink. I don't drink alcohol or coffee, usually just water. I bought a 3liter since dh took ss on a mini trip. It was a treat for dd too. I had one cup. Saved the rest. Two days later dd asked for some- entire 3liter gone! Ok..it irked me but it was out for everyone so figured whatever. I wasn't irked ss drank some was a little annoyed he drank ALL of it but whatever. Anyway, so that nigh dh brings me a small drink because he notices drink was all gone. He put it in the fridge for me for whenever I wanted. (ss was at store when dh bought it and dh told him it was mine.) The next day I was in my room nursin our baby and heard bs tell ss 'no, that's mommy's drink!' over and over. I couldn't check it out. When I could come out, yep ss drank it. Hhis is the first time he has purposely taken something of mine knowing it was wrong. I didn't say anything because why argue over a $1 drink, right? But yes it did bother me. Others think it's petty but I understand. From now on I would hide your snacks and not eat them in front of the skids. Doing that is a little unfair. I save my treats when all kids are in bed. Do all your treats need to be kept cold or can you keep them in your room? Could you keep a small dorm type fridge in your room? My mil does this to keep things away fromher own kids!! (2 teens at home) Shehas a fridge in her room with the good snacks and soft drinks and even locks it!! She does it because she has a budget and if she keeps those things in the kitchen they'll be gone in days and this way she can 'ration' it out. Sounds ridiculous I know!

Solution, whatever you buy for yourself buy one extra for the kid. Tell your husband that your son has a box all for himself and he can no longer take any of the other box. There is no way he can say that's not fair. I would also put a note on the food. Do not eat

I remember one time when I bought a box of "diet" bars-they were chocolate-like, but low cal-they were also very high in fiber-ss snuck out in the middle of the night and ate the whole box and then proceeded to have explosive diarrhea for most of the day!! He didnt take my special food anymore.

I have to admit, I have felt this same frustration at stepkids for eating my snacks.

Looking back though, it's too funny, the way simple things get complicated in stepfamily life.

I would let them eat it without saying a word, but complain to DH. He'd roll his eyes at me, and sometimes he'd buy me more, especially when they are not here.

Now, at the grocery, I buy what the kids like and I buy what I like and everybody shares. DH would never tell them not to eat any of my stuff because, to be honest, I would not tell them that either. DH does tell them, however, to make sure they leave a little bit for Stepmom31, if they're eating the stuff they know I like more than them. They know what I like because I've made sure they know, the same way I try to make sure I know what they like. Plus, I eat from their stuff all the time, and I just make sure I restock for when they are here.

The only time I ever make a real fuss is when I see the stepkids wasting stuff, i.e. eating half and throwing out the rest, especially stuff that I really bought for me. I let them know that they could have simply put it away and I would eat it instead of wasting it because hard-earned money paid for it. Still fighting that battle...

This issue hits core principles for me too: respect, thoughtfulness, and sharing.

The worst of the battle is when they leave me the empty package or one swallow of their backwash...

Boy does this bring back memories. Ugh! When SS first moved in with us, I was doing the shopping and paying for ½ the groceries. SS is a pretty small kid, but boy can he eat. He has never heard of moderation before. When I started seeing him sit down and eat two jars of pickles at once and such, I told DH to tell SS to moderate his eating. One pickle is a snack, not two freaking jars! DH said he was very uncomfortable moderating SS eating.

So…I told DH that he now does the shopping. He also pays 100% of the groceries. I don’t usually ever eat at home and neither do my kids. This had been going on about 3 months now and it is perfect!

DH is now starting to see how much time and money it takes to spoil a kid. And I am stress free when I see SS eat a box of cereal (or whatever) at one sitting.

PS, I keep my diet cokes in my car or SS will drink 4-5 in one day. My kids no NOT to touch my diet cokes. Well, SS also knows he just “forgets” that he is not supposed to drink them. haha

here's another good reason skids aren't allowed in my kitchen...

My SS would eat an entire bag of chips and then leave a few crumbs at the bottom just so he could say he didn't eat them all, he'd do this rather than eat regular food.

I'm sorry... I've had 3 1/2 teens (another coming in a couple months) in my house at a time, and I can't imagine EVER being like this. It's food. Big whoop.
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I will never understand this kind of thinking. So it is ok for the kids/kids to eat whatever they
want, whenever they want? Let me tell you how this went for me before I put my foot down.

I buy a 12 pack of diet coke for me and a 12 pack of coke for SS. I drink one diet coke a day, so this will last me almost two weeks. ( I HAVE TO HAVE A DIET COKE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING!!) I tell SS to drink one coke a day and stay out of my diet cokes. He drinks his 12 pack in 2 days and then starts on my Diet cokes. My diet cokes are gone after 4 days. So because I did not hide my drinks, I have to go back to the store and get more. This is after 4 days not 12 days like it should have been.

Your way of thinking I should just use my time and money to go to the store every 3-4 days when it should really be every 12 days? Since DH can’t seem to tell the boy no about anything, and it DARN sure is NOT my job to fix him, I would rather just hide mine and be stress free.

put a lock on the fridge!

This is one that just gets under me and my BD's skin! We can not leave anything at DH house (we live in separate homes even though we are married). My sweet DH actually bought me one of those sickeningly sweet birthday cakes from a grocery store bakery last year and I had to take it with me that evening to my house so that I could have more than one peice. My BD just got braces about a month ago and I got her "soft" things to eat, one of which was a small container (a pint)of her favorite ice cream. Since we had been staying at DH house that week (his kids were gone), the ice cream was there--with her name written on it. The day that the skids came home, I found the ice cream container in the trash. SD had eaten the last little bit without even asking. The skids behave as if they have been starved on a regular basis the way they go through food in DH's house. They are both somewhat overweight (as am I...so I'm not being ugly about that aspect), and put away the groceries like nobody's business!! We also found (earlier this year) that SS had been hiding food in his room. (they aren't allowed to have food in their rooms). I'm not talking a peice of candy here or there, I'm talking about a drawer full of things-from pop tarts to sliced cheese (yuck!) to half eaten bags of chips, juice packets, cans of soda, etc.!!! It was a little scary because that tells me that he feels insecure about our ability to put food on the table. The skids have come home many times saying that BM doesn't keep food at her house and has even called DH and asked him to bring them something to eat. BUT...I have to say..the skids are HORRIBLY spoiled to eating fast food and will not eat what we have in the house if they think they can complain enough and get DH to go out to eat. So..I think that's what happens at BM's house, too (but she doesn't cave in and go to McDonalds!)

This whole blog cracks me up. A couple weekends ago my DH, DS and skids caught me treating myself to a couple Reese's mini-cups and they said "We want some". I just snickered and said help yourself....... if you can find them! }:)

Nothing wrong with having a special treat to yourself once in a while!

I bring my special treats to work :)I don't really claim food around the house because its pointless. I bought some of the Special K with the strawberries and went to have a bowl one morning and someone had eaten all the strawberries out of my cereal.

Lucky charms without marshmallows is just wrong!!! :jawdrop: