LOVE IS BLIND!
Does anyone else ever look back and think, "Why the hell did I marry someone with kids?". I always say that you can't help who you fall in love with. Over time though, my response has changed to "save yourself the hassle and don't even let yourself get involved with anyone that has them." ...or " RUN LIKE HELL". I have no bio kids by choice. Never felt the need or desire to have them. Now that there are steps in my house, I'm even more so content with the fact that I made that decision years and years ago to not have any of my own. It becomes their life and you just live in it and look forward to them getting older and moving out, etc. I love my husband more than anything; however, dealing with the drama and challenges brings on more stress and discontent. The kids drive me crazy....literally insane to the point where I want to run and hide when they are there. They are typical steps---unappreciative, unresponsive and could care less if you are there. We are an inconvenience to each other. I have a friend who just started to date someone that has 2 kids (she does not have any). I told her to check out this site and read some interesting posts. I can see the signs already......but love is blind. I definitely know that!
- InLimbo's blog
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Comments
Yeah, RUN. Seriously, RUN.
Yeah, RUN. Seriously, RUN. There are other people to love in this world, and the whole "soulmate" thing is bogus. I should have listened to myself after my disastrous engagement and horrible breakup with a finance with kids (going forward, only dating guys with no kids) and run. Like the wind.
I kick myself everyday for
I kick myself everyday for marrying a man with kids. WTF was I thinking. Oh, that's right, I was thinking "he is so awesome and how hard it must be as a single father, he is so sweet when he talks about how great his kids are, he sure gets me and makes me feel all tingly". UGH. Of, course he may have been a single dad but he was a Disney dad with his mommy watching them more than I was lead to believe. He definitely thinks the best of his little demons no matter how horrible they have been to me. Yeah, the tingly feeling is nice but a little peace and harmony would be even better!
Just say no to skids!!
Ok I understand that Skids
Ok I understand that Skids can be frustrating and annoying and horrible human beings at times. I get this is a place to vent and let out all your frustration but is it truly all that horrible and awful. Some on here sound like they have been with DH a while and still hate the situation than leave and get out. I am a skid and I was a brat and a half to my stepdad but now I love him to death and he is amazing and great. I am a soon to be SM myself, I am 31, before I met my SO I was dead set on no kids but that changed for me. Not sure why there are some skids out there that are the worst but not all of them are.
I guess I am wondering as a soon to be SM why is it really all that horrible and awful and is every situation really as bad as you make it out to be? Maybe I am blind and have on rose colored glasses not sure but I think if you talk to your SO before marriage and moving in together about like everything including the skids things shouldn't hopefully play out that badly. Let us face it even Bio kids can be devils. I know my mother wanted to ship me off plenty of times.
Ok I understand that Skids
Ok I understand that Skids can be frustrating and annoying and horrible human beings at times. I get this is a place to vent and let out all your frustration but is it truly all that horrible and awful. Some on here sound like they have been with DH a while and still hate the situation than leave and get out. I am a skid and I was a brat and a half to my stepdad but now I love him to death and he is amazing and great. I am a soon to be SM myself, I am 31, before I met my SO I was dead set on no kids but that changed for me. Not sure why there are some skids out there that are the worst but not all of them are.
I guess I am wondering as a soon to be SM why is it really all that horrible and awful and is every situation really as bad as you make it out to be? Maybe I am blind and have on rose colored glasses not sure but I think if you talk to your SO before marriage and moving in together about like everything including the skids things shouldn't hopefully play out that badly. Let us face it even Bio kids can be devils. I know my mother wanted to ship me off plenty of times.
For me I have a gutless DH
For me I have a gutless DH and an awful BM. SD14 and I had a great relationship 8 years ago. I did my best not to step on BM's toes. We had our issues as we figured out how to be a family. We had SD EOWE. BM did not like me. BM never will like me. Long story short SD's acceptance of me threatened BM. When DH and I got married BM and SD spiraled with BM briefly disowning her and sending her to live with us full time 2 weeks later. Then she initiated a custody battle. We landed on 50/50 every other week. When DD2 was born BM and SD spiraled again. It's a never ending roller coaster. If I could do it all over again who knows what the outcome would be.
SD14 who I used to build snowmen with doesn't even speak to me or acknowledge my existence, but she lives in my house every other week. Not what I thought it would be 8 years ago. You just never know.
I will come back to my
I will come back to my response and I will still probably think the same way. Again I am a skid and I know what one can do to break up a relationship and try to manipulate, I did. I tried for like a year or more to get my mom to leave my stepdad when they first got together because she moved me from TX to PA when I was almost 16. I was a very pissed off angry teenager. My stepdad and my mom both decided that they would not let me ruin this relationship just because I wanted what I wanted. They came to an agreement on how to deal with me and handle me once we all lived together and not saying it was perfect but they stuck to it and worked as a team.
I am not perfect and I am not totally sure how everything will play out but I can honestly say I have hope for the best. I have taken my mom’s advice and talked to my SO about what role he wants me to play, how involved in punishing and parenting he wants me to be, what I expect from him, my fears and worries, his fears and worries, so many things. I know what we say will change but I am not going into this totally blind.
I didn't suffer from SDS, for
I didn't suffer from SDS, for me it was SPS :jawdrop:
There are some success
There are some success stories here, but they are rare., if you read on this board. My husband is fabulous and we are still in love after 10 years. The only argument we have ever had is over his sadults. He transforms into a completely nutso man around them, allowing them to do ANYTHING or say anything, and then acting like it is the norm of social etiquite. I never saw this behavior while we dated for over 2.5 years, but not long after marriage this crazy man came to life and he is alive and well whenever these ill mannered Sadults are around; it is pathetic to watch.
Had I known, honestly, I would have thought twice....
The truth of the matter is
The truth of the matter is that divorce damages children. I don't think any knowledgeable contemporary psychologist, or well-founded psychological theory, holds this fact in dispute. The question then becomes whether you want to attempt to live in a family composed of damaged children and a spouse who not only has his own baggage or he wouldn't be divorced, but who also will almost certainly act in all kinds of dysfunctional ways in misguided attempts to protect his kids.
Yes, you are a wonderful person, strong and loving and blah blah blah and your guidance and love can move mountains, etc. Doesn't matter. Do you really want to live with someone else's messes?
Yeah, didn't think so.