Looking for those that share similiar situation....
Going to start off simple....speaking as someone that does NOT have kids of their own......
It's hard to talk with people that have kids and try to voice the frustration of having to deal with the drama from SO's kids from a first marriage. The baby's momma drama that comes from an ex that is both mental and addicted to prescription meds is overwhelming. I love my SO tremendously, but my dear God, how do I acclimate to this? It's hard being in this situation and the only ones that really can understand seem to be the ones that don't have kids themselves.
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I have BS3 with DH, but trust
I have BS3 with DH, but trust me... prior to BS3 and after BS3.. the issues are still the same as far as BM drama and crap. Even having my own child now, I can 1000000% honestly say that I would NOT play the games and pull the crap that BMs have done and still do. I think it comes down to class... I think most of the BMs that those of us who come here and bitch about have zero class. Most are living off government freebies, CS freebies, doing drugs, and being just basic dredges to society... I wish our men would have realized that if you breed with low class, no class jerks, you're in for a looonnnnggg ass ride, I also wish I would have realized this earlier on than I did!
You just described my life
You just described my life lol. Except for the part about giving her money, since he is the cp and SHOULD be getting child support.
For me, the worst part is when people - not usually FDH but BM and FMIL feel the need to volunteer my time to cart the skids all over. Ummm no people. They are not my crotch droppings, and while I may not have kids of my own to tie up my time, I do have this thing called a life. Full time work, damn near full time school, hobbies, friends.
I tell all of my single friends to run as fast as they can from a man with kids. It's just so damned complicated, even in the best situation. Too late for me though - I'm in way too deep.
WOW. Dead on response.
WOW. Dead on response. Unfortunately, your crystal ball is extremely accurate.
I'm there with ya.... no
I'm there with ya.... no kids (though I'd like to change that) and dealing with a psycho ex takes the cake. I definitely think it's different than when both partners come with kids.
Not for the weak of heart at all.
You are absolutely right.
You are absolutely right. Being a SM with no bios is a whole different world. I'm 3 years in and I still don't have an answer. Some things are getting easier such as bonding with SS8 and learning to become a parent, albeit "step", not just a friend to him. Dealing with BM however, is only getting worse. It seems that every week she is astounding me with yet another piss poor decision or action. It is because of my love for my husband and my concern for my stepson that I stay. I have found that being here gives me the freedom to vent without the negative criticism of even family and friends.
No bios for me, but one crazy
No bios for me, but one crazy SD, with lots of Dadddeee issues. I wasn't around when SD was young, didn't meet her until she was 17, she's 20 now. So I can't speak for people who have to put with the young ones.
I have actually lost some friends over this whole thing. They can't understand what this feels like, so when I vented to them, they thought I was some kind of monster. How could I feel this way about her, she's his kid, and was in his life before me and my most favorite, you knew what you were getting into. It made them look at me different and me look at them different. Then I found Step-talk, thank goodness. I was not alone anymore. I'm not a monster, or evil, or have a bad heart, I'm quite normal. But most here have it worse than me, because my DH actually understands and supports me, I'm lucky in that.
Welcome, glad you found the site, it will help save your sanity.
I have heard "you knew what
I have heard "you knew what you were getting into" many times. I've also heard "you signed up for it so now deal with it". Makes me want to slap someone in the face.
If someone could define that
If someone could define that role that would be awesome! Because I'm at a lose right now!
I honestly do not know how
I honestly do not know how you acclimate to some of these horrible skid/BM situations.
It was hard enough for me to deal with DH having two grown (20s and 30s) sons when I met him. DH and I had to have a few "come to Jesus" meetings about SS27 (the other is now deceased).
Like I don't give a damn if SS is drunk and homeless on the street. I did not make him or break him so I'm not going to waste my time and money trying to fix him. I was REALLY REALLY REALLY pissed that BM thought I was going to take up the care and feeding of her worthless crotch dropping.
DH rarely mentions him anymore. I've kept us in a different city (we have two homes) on purpose to keep our distance from him.
This is the imbecile who thought my bowl of sea salt was cocaine. idiot.