After reading a post today - claiming just about all (except for two) SM's come here only to bash BM's... I just had to leave a comment. What happens when the roles are reversed? What happens when the SM is the one who tried to reach out and was met with terrible opposition? Why is the SM to be chastised when she finds a website to be able to share those things that anger her in a situation where she has no control?

I can speak for myself - BM has really mad me angry on some occasions - when I allowed her actions to. I came here to vent to other SM's for a good reason. It helps me get it off of my chest so that I can clearly think about a solution to the issue or problem BM has once again created. I went into this situation believing that since we were both adults the situation would be handled maturely. Boy was I surprised. BM and her family treat me as the old cliché goes "all sms are evil and hate their stepkids" and it is farthest from the truth.

Even now - I don't hate BM - I really dislike her actions. It strikes me that something is really wrong and she needs some help getting rid of whatever pent up frustrations she may have. I for one don't care what happened between she and my DH - it has nothing to do with me. It was 7 - 9 years ago. Get over it already geez. Just because they didn't make it as a couple does not give her the right to take out her anger, frustration, hatefulness and dislike on me. I was not there and had no hand in it. There are two sides to every story and as far as I am concerned I don't want to hear either - they settled whatever it was and decided to split.

I have not had a hand in the foolishness BM in my situation tends to create at every chance she gets. She is a well educated woman, not bad looking and could really excel if she would stop planning so much of her time to be against DH and wife/family. It is just sad. He endured 4 years of her attacks on him and his relationship with his daughter before me - and now an even worse 2.5 more - now that he has gotten married to me.

In BM's infamous words - SD will be with DH over her dead body & She doesn't like gr8tma simply because he married her...

A lot has happened in this situation and DH and I have not lashed out against her at all.....We have spent so much time playing peace keeper it is not funny....

- When too small clothes came / or no clothes at all - we went and bought some
- When medications don't come - I added her to my insurance so that we could get them
- When BM would not follow the court order - we drove down 4.5 hours to get her and return her
- We drive to the school and doctor to get correct information 4.5 hours since she (BM) continues to lie to DH
- When we found out she filed false charges of abuse against us / and was taking SD to see a trauma counselor - we took her a Christmas gift and still drove 4.5 hours to pick her up - since BM would not drive or follow the court order
- When judge told DH he could drop the child support by 251.00 a month - we decided to keep it the same - as I told DH her lifestyle is used to the 800.00 a month. So just keep paying it.
- When BM was telling everyone how abusive I was to her daughter - I still kept on smiling and spending time with SD as it was what was important to me - SD.
- The list goes on and on and on and on......... read back in my blogs.

So yes, I started off giving BM the benefit of the doubt and honestly believed she would be mature in this situation but was met by a truly vindictive, hateful woman who just simply doesn't like me because I am my husband's wife.

I don't speak to her other than to say hello (which is usually met with a frown or grunt) - her mother (grandma) as well; When I attend events (cause SD has asked me to) I stand off so that DH and BM can enjoy the moment with SD - I am not all up in her face; I do not communicate with her - nor do I question or change her or DH's decisions; I treat SD as my own as I love her just like my own; Even with all BM has done and the lies she has told on me - I do not confront her about it - as it would really serve no purpose - but just let her create more lies. I have never argued or fussed with her. I don't spread lies or the like about her.... I don't look down my nose at her - and I make sure I greet her with and her mother with a smile every time.

So yes, in response to BIOMOM's blog submission - some of us SMs come here to get all of our pent up frustrations out in this forum - cause we have no other place to do it. I don't come here and just bash her - I come here to get what she has done off of my chest. It helps me to think clearly about a decent and mature solution or suggestion to give my husband. If I kept it pent up - it might be a different way.

There are a lot of things that happened in my life and I don't have the right to take it out on another living person just because they are there to do so. It is called maturing and growing up - accepting your past and moving forward. What right would I have to take my anger out or frustration out on her - I don't - as she doesn't have the right to do so to me. BM in my case needs to grow up and mature, accept the past and move forward from it. She is only making it hard for herself. She is not doing the damage to us - that she thinks she is - however the damage to her reputation is getting worse and worse..... and she is starting to look more and more mentally ill.

We (SMs/BMs) have big enough issues to deal with - and I appreciate coming here and being accepted by my fellow SMs and BMs. It feels good to see that I am not the only one in this situation. Sometimes I see that it is not as bad as other's have it - but then sometimes I see that it is kind of bad that we have to deal with our BM. It takes a lot of patience to deal with our unique situations. And being a SM & BM - I want to say to you ladies who are dealing with situations that are not ideal - keep your head up, enjoy your lives as much as possible, vent here as much as you can to keep your minds somewhat fresh and clear, and keep hoping that one day things may be better.

I know as a SM seems like sometimes we really get dumped on a lot - by our DH's, BM's, Sk's, Bk's, and sometimes other SM's............. But we are doing the best we can with what we have - I acknowledge that and encourage you to keep up the good fight. These kids deserve it and are worth it. Something..... just something we say may help them along their journey of growing up and maturing.