So in my last blog I wrote about how I spoke up to my SO about his adult daughters and the fact that the sun has set on their sad, pitty party about their parents' divorce and how it effects the rest of their lives and them not having to move on because they're still upset after 1.5 years.

Well I have also mentioned that I made a "no talking about SD's rule" because they say mean things about me and they are not a part of my life. Since he is the one that has enabled this behavior and allowed them to make him feel guilty about being in a new relationship etc. I decided that all 3 (him, and them) have created this situation and I have nothing to do with it. I also said that he always finds a way to sneak their names into conversation and this is after I have reminded him not to discuss them with me. However, the other night he brings them up (with regard to a specific situation) so I said fine, I will play along and see what's so important for him to say. He said that SD20 had gotten a flat tire and called him for help but she forgot her cell phone in CA where she was for 3 weeks (daddy of course flew her there) and he didn't know how to get a hold of her. He sighed and was like, when are these kids gonna get off the teet? So I said...look, you are the reason for this and if not ALL of it then part of it. The reason why she calls you is because you bail her and sister out EVERY time regardless of the issue, so technically SO they don't have to take any responsibility. You have enabled this behavior over the years thus creating a monster. SD23 has actually decided she wants to be a productive adult and has been making very positive strides which is fantastic! She hasn't been as much of a problem as her sister even though her attitude isn't quite amazing yet. Anyway, I asked him what SD20's plan was now that she's home from her "vacation" and has no job and is not enrolled in college this semester. He said well she's planning to go to school. Well she arrived home last weekend and classes began this week so I enlightened him about that and said she won't be going to school then will she??? He looked puzzled and said...well you're right. AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!! I AM??? I've never heard these words with regard to her lack of progress and refusal to take responsibility for her life! So then I said...the deal with me at that age was 2 options: Either A. you go to school full time and get a degree and you work part time to pay for what you need while there or B. if you are living at home you are working, you must have a FULL TIME job with benefits, not part time, not baby-sitting etc and you will pay rent. Either of those or you are out on your own with no help. So I went to school! I explained this to him and he agreed and said he needs to talk to her. I don't know if that's going to happen but he's at least SLOOOOOWLY starting to get this. He can't continue to feel sorry for them because he left their lazy, incompetent mother...they must move on and he hasn't encouraged that. I also told him to prepare to get some resistance because he hasn't put his foot down about school/work and she's not going to respond well to that but if that's the case...tough shit...time to grow up! She's going to be 21 pretty soon (going on 9) and she will be waaaaay behind all of her friends who at that point will be getting ready to graduate.

So maybe we CAN talk about them! As long as he's looking for some advice and not asking me to sympathize or feel sorry for them because the grace period for that ended a long time ago.

Do you think he genuinely wants my advice about them or is he just making conversation? It used to be that he would get really defensive and tell me that he could parent his children so I just stopped talking about them altogether once I stopped feeling sorry about their family situation.