I agree with you on a lot of this. You're right also, it has actually gotten a lot better and continues to improve for US at least. As far as him and SD's...only time will tell I suppose. I spent so much time feeling guilty that it really was my fault they were losing touch with him or that they were upset that their family was broken up and of course I understood that they didn't want to meet me right away. However...it's going on 2 years now and the grace period for that has LOOONG expired. He knows this too and has also agreed. I just wonder if he tells them any of these things. He says it's their problem blah blah blah but do they actually KNOW this or does he play guilty daddy with them to this day?

I was so angry when he told me that he forgot and not because he ever even THOUGHT about standing me up to go be with her but because now that she has this idea in her head she'll constantly come back to it and once again "I" am the asshole. It will be hey daddy remember the time you promised to spend your birthday with me but then you stood me up for your stupid girlfriend? You said you would always be there for me but you put her FIRST! Yup he does. You know why? Because I am his GIRLFRIEND!!!

Maux does it seem like an eternity ago that you were stepping aside and letting DH's daughter and him have their "alone time?" The whole thing with his birthday is awful. If that were me I would have been furious. I don't blame you for putting an end to that. Months ago (like way before Christmas) SD20 wanted to come over to the apartment but of course I had to vacate so she could be alone with dad. SO and I had a huge blowout over it and I was really hurt that he could have even asked me to leave my own house. Well later on when I came home I of course was unhappy with him and did not want to speak with him or interact with him at all. He told me that he was uncomfortable the entire time SD was there and that later on she told him she was also uncomfortable. REALLY?! You don't say! I told him it was because he doesn't want to kick me out of my own house because it's rude and uneccesary and she's uncomfortable because she's going to the home HE shares with someone else and she has never met me so she's in another woman's house! I told him I didn't want to leave again and I didn't think it would be possible for me so...no next time. If they want to see their dad at MY house and I am not out shopping or up to something else then they will have to respect me and acknowledge that I live there. If not...it's their issue. I don't feel sorry for them. It's what they want and to be perfectly honest, I have done nothing to try to harm them. They wanted to live with SO after their parents split up and they blame me as the reason that couldn't happen. The truth is that SO should not be living with adult daughters in a tiny one bedroom (at the time) place anyway and it would have been an unhealthy situation. Ultimately after thinking about it awhile he recognized that he didn't want them living there and they need to go off on their own, get an apartment with friends etc. It's the way it works in the real world. They can't live with daddy because they need to be responsible and grow up.

Little by little SO is reaching a place where it's getting less tolerable for them to blame all of their issues on him just because he fell out of love with their mother. Nobody has been hurt. Nobody has died, nobody has cancer. Be happy everyone is healthy for crying out loud! I've said this to SO I don't know how many times. He needs to say, look SD's you are welcome to come over but I live with someone, she is my girlfriend and she's not going anywhere. If you don't want to meet her, we are going to continue to be very limited in the time we spend together. I'm not going to go out of my way because you refuse to be mature women about this. Your decision is A. Suck it up and meet her and try to get along with her or B. Let it be the way it is and you only see me every once in awhile. The choice is yours.

You know it's funny Shannon, I haven't been able to say anything like that until very recently. We went through the longest period of time where he felt like I was ganging up on him about SD's. The truth is that I do feel like they were very spoiled, thus they haven't had to work for anything and now...they don't know how. He blames himself for a significant portion of it but BM is also largely to blame for being an entitled, lazy, stupid ass. She's unbelievably worthless to the point where it's not even a laughing matter. I can't joke about it because it's nauseating more than anything else. She taught them nothing. He tried his best and some things slipped. I do think it's because women raise their children differently than a man would. I think my SO is a good father I just think he needs advice sometimes like any parent does. However, he used to get really defensive and would get angry whenever I offered my opinion. Finally I said you know what...I don't want to talk about your kids because you cannot handle constructive criticism. I told him he's not the perfect parent but that no one is I am simply on the outside looking in. Because I am younger this was a difficult concept for him at first. Then I gave him suggestions...things my parents did to teach me and what I learned from them. After awhile it was easier for him to talk to me about it without getting fired up and now we can have a civil conversation. He knows how I feel about SD's and now he doesn't blame me. Before it was that I just "didn't understand." Boy was that a crock of shit. Of course I understood, he just wanted me to share in the guilt so he wouldn't have to do it alone but when I wouldn't do that he realized that it really was problems that he created on his own and no one else could be blamed for their behavior. I really feel like he gets increasingly more sick of their attitude. He hasn't exploded or yelled at them but I'm wondering if what they need is for him to put them in their place. They don't want to lose him I don't get how he can be afraid of that when they are desperate for him to pay attention to them. He won't lose them...though somedays I wish he would. I only say that because they are a pain in the ass...I really wouldn't want him to be devastated. I'm not THAT selfish...I leave that to them and they are doing a bang up job at that!

Well, he doesn't see them as much as he used to and I'm not sure if that's because they haven't been asking as much because they are busy or if it's mostly because he is so busy. He got a promotion in the fall and his job is very stressful with traveling and deadlines etc. His kids were not much of an issue for months but now SD23 is stirring the pot again which she does from time to time. Once it's been quiet for a little while she comes back full force to be a problem for us. At first I wondered if she was aware of this behavior until I realized...it's part of her torture games for SO. I don't feed into it like my SO does so it bothers me less every time she pulls this shit, I just expect it from her.

SD20 is on the other side of the country right now staying with friends, who knows when she'll come back. He flew her out there and pays for all her crap. This is after he told her she would be expected to hold down a part time job to pay for her lifestyle out there but she never did that so daddy pays. I told him even before she left that there's no way she would get a job it's just not like her to be ambitious. Guess who was right?? Yup I knew that, I saw it coming a mile away. So it's ok for daddy to fly her around the globe so she can live it up wherever she wants but she has no concept of making her own money and taking care of herself. Truthfully, why would she? As long as she keeps sticking her hand out at her daddy and he keeps filling it...she doesn't have to be responsible.

The idea of SD23 wanting to spend alone time with daddy wouldn't be so strange if it really was "alone time." Lately she's been dragging her loser friend along with her and my SO takes them BOTH out to lunch. See I find this very odd behavior for this friend. I love some of my friends' parents but to go out to lunch every weekend with them...weird. Besides...it's rude, she needs to offer to at least pay for her portion even if my SO doesn't accept it. She's NOT his daughter and it's odd that she takes advantage. I have started to question if there's something else going on here like the friend has some sort of crush on my SO and she wants to be around him now all the time. I would find it very hard to believe that SD23 would be trying anything creepy like setting them up...it's not like her at all to pimp out her dad anyway! It just seems rather strange that she tags along...doesn't she want to hang out with her other friends who don't bring their parents with them everywhere they go? Likewise, SO told me that SD20 was saying, "Friend x misses you dad, I was just talking to her!" Um...wtf? SD's are big enough weirdos now there are all these little friends hanging around? GET A LIFE. I mentioned some of these things to him last night, that I think it's disturbing. If it was once in awhile I guess I can see that but lately it's happened several times. It's hard enough when he has to go hang out with his kids but now there are strange friends involved and it just bothers me. I said you know, I don't care how you see these people, they are not "little girls" they are grown women at the age of 23, they have boobs, they can drink, drive and vote! It's not fair for him to go off with his kids and their friends and I sit here left out and uncomfortable. In no way do I question my SO and his loyalty to me. It's not that I don't trust him, but I certainly do not trust any woman I don't know even if it is his daughters. I've never met them so I don't know what to expect. I know this is a big part of that issue.

As far as being open to meeting them...I have thought about it and I used to agonize over it but it's been almost 2 years of their refusal to meet and acknowledge me. I have gotten over the hurt from that and now I just want to live my life. I told SO if it were right now that they wanted to meet me...I don't feel up to it. I'm not trying to cause drama or instigate anything but it's up to me now. Too much has gone on for me to be willing to meet them right now. I'm not sure how I will feel 3 months from now or next year, perhaps that will change but so far...I think it is what's right for me. SO spent 2 years worrying about what was best for skids and didn't allow them to make a grown up decision as he made them all for them. I had to protect myself in case he were to turn on me and go off with SD's...it never happened but the thought was there until recently. That being said, they played their games, they moved on without a thought for their father and with no respect at all for me so I don't feel that I need to jump at the opportunity to meet them. If I do it will be on MY terms now. They said horrible things behind my back and to be honest I question the kind of people they are and whether or not they are decent. I don't need toxic people in my life regardless of who's kids they are. They think they owe me NOTHING, they are disrespectful, needy, selfish little girls and I don't need them. It's not ideal that my SO goes to hang out with them without me but...its less and less all the time because they have made it that way. They could be more involved with his life if they accepted me but they don't so that's the decision they have made and it's fine with me. If they want to come to my house they WILL meet me otherwise it looks like they can continue to meet daddy at restaurants and the mall until forever. I told him I am DONE playing and I will NOT be leaving my house because they want to come over. It's my house too, and it doesn't benefit me at all to leave. I did it for my SO last time because he said he needed it but...I think I've done more than enough of that and now it's time for his understanding. I won't live like that. They can't dictate to me what I should be doing and I'm not going to make their lives easier while they proceed to make mine miserable. I owe them nothing. This is something I have thought long and hard about and while my SO HATES the idea that I don't want to meet them should they ask...he is aware that it is what he created. He kept us all away from each other which created more animosity and then he didn't expect adult behavior from them so now he is stuck with 20 year old brats who act as if they are 11. I have said...you created this to him and he knows it's true. I played not part in that. So he can go back to them when they think I will be super psyched to meet them and he can say...hey remember all that horrible shit you said behind my girlfriend's back? Well I told her and now she's not exactly jumping for joy to meet you. So if they have a problem with that they can blame him which is inevitable and they can blame themselves which will NEVER happen. Apparently you don't need to be held accountable for your actions when your parents get a divorce, regardless of the age.