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I forgot how big the world is.

icanteven's picture

Some people may remember that I recently left my narcissistic husband. I am safe, and I am staying in a place he does not know. All paperwork has been filed with the court, so I think it will all be ok, even if he is mean to me when we speak (I only speak with him about practical things, the house, the court). I do not reply to his messages unless it is practical only, and my friends he knows have blocked his number, so he cannot call, send SMS, nothing. He does not like this, of course, but that is his concern only. It is not mine. I do not tell people we both know what I am doing. He makes very nasty posts about me in FaceBook, and people send me messages asking why I did such bad things to him. I do not answer these messages because I do not want to talk about it with people who may feel sympathetic to him. This was difficult at first, but it becomes easier.

I forgot how much fun it can be to do small and simple things when I do not need to worry for his reaction. I went with coworkers to a bar a lot of young professionals like, and we drank delicious martinis and met nice people. We went to a coffee shop the next day, and then we took our dogs to play in a dog park. It sounds simple. I suppose it is. It was nice because no one was angry at me. It felt like everything was bright, and all of the things I have to do to become totally free in legal ways, do not seem as difficult as they seemed only one month ago.

Already, I have many plans. I am going to a music festival with graduate school friends soon. Next year, I will travel with my sister to a country I have not visited before, and we will do many outdoor activities like hiking in the mountains. I could not afford to travel or go to any festivals when I was supporting him, and he hated outdoor things and most music, so he would not do these things. Now I can do anything I want to do. Yes, I bring my kids on holiday, but that is easy. They like travel, especially with family. I forgot how much I missed when I was with him, nearly trapped in that house each day, only going out to work or my kids' football matches. I missed so many things, but I can do all of this now.

Comments

TrueNorth77's picture

Ah, that is so exciting! Good for you! I'm so glad you left. And are staying gone. You WILL be happier, no doubt about it. No one should have to put up with the kind of environment you were in. I'm excited for what's in store for you!

hereiam's picture

I am so glad that you got out from under that abusive jerk's thumb. I hope you can get him out of your house, soon.

Sounds like you are already free, emotionally, and that is a big part of the battle.

icanteven's picture

I think it helps that I knew for a long time that I needed to leave. I did not know how to do that until one month ago, but I knew for a long time that I would leave one day. I think maybe I was detached from him for a long time because of this, so now it is easier to stay away from him. I read many articles about leaving men like him, and many women say they miss them when they leave. I expected this would be true for me also, but so far, I do not miss him. It helps, I think, that some very nice people have helped me, and I am not alone. I cannot miss a person who was mean to me when I am around people who are kind.

moving_on_again's picture

If you don't miss him, he must have been really bad! I went back and read your first blog and I wanted to punch him in the face. Stay strong! Don't give him one peice of your house, he doesn't deserve a thing! 

Siemprematahari's picture

Such a liberating feeling to do what you want, when you want and not have to worry about anyone or anything. I'm so proud of you for placing yourself 1st. Now that you have removed yourself from that toxic relationship you see just how unhealthy it was being with a man like that. You were not allowed to live your authentic self and now that you're getting a taste of it,  you feel free.

Have fun and enjoy life because it is beautiful. May you spend it with those you love and create many awesome new memories.

Cheers to a new life and a new you!

Areyou's picture

Hi there. You are so strong and amazing! Keep focusing on all the wonderful gifts you gave yourself by leaving that situation. You gave yourself a huge gift. You chose you, your life, your future. Love yourself like you want others to love you. Enjoy your new found happiness. Have so much fun with your friends! Take care dear.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Thank you for giving an update and letting us know you're safe. Smile

Things are certainly looking up for you!! I'm glad you're friends have your back. Those people who buy into your stbx's BS... do you block them? You don't need that caca added to what you're already handling.

I imagine you feel like a new person. I know I did when I finally escaped from my abusive psycho ex. Welcome to your wonderful new life, sweetie!!! Give rose