Need advice please..would this be enough to open an investigation
I've posted about this before but now it's getting to the point where something is GOING ON OVER THERE.
SD just came home covered in scrapes and bruises and BM is claiming she got them at daycare, SD is saying she got them at mommies house. And she is sad and doesn't want to talk about it. Normally kids (from what I've seen) like showing off there "owies" and bandaids....not SD this time.
That in addition to SD STILL REFUSING to speak to BM on the phone when she calls (if she calls), running from the room, starts crying if you try to hand her the phone, throws a fit, anything to NOT have to talk to BM on the phone, but if you say "daddies calling! or nanas calling (FMIL) she is super excited and wants to talk on the phone, even if we say it right after BM hangs up so it's not just a mood thing.
I am going to start recording every single time BM calls and SD's reaction with her reaction when we say nana is on the phone, and then after a few weeks when it is OBVIOUS the pattern, SO is going to call the caseworker that investigated ME when BM called CPS for "abuse" (that was unfounded obviously) and see if maybe she can drop by unannounced to BM's and see how things are over there. I am just at my wits end waiting for something awful to happen like SD come home with a black eye.
Any thoughts or advice?
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I'd call the daycare first.
I'd call the daycare first. If she did get the injuries there, they should have documented it. I used to get "Ouch Reports" when my kids hurt themselves at daycare, and it would be noted in the file. Also, the rule at my son's last daycare was if they showed up at daycare with an injury, The parents needed to report it to a teacher and explain how they got it and if the school suspected abuse as opposed to an accident, they had a duty to report it to the proper authorities.
That's all I can advise you on, I have no experience with CPS. Your poor SD, I feel so sad for her. Hope you can get some info and that your SD is ok. I hope you can get her out of the bad situation at the BM's.
^ THIS To add: If you call
^ THIS
To add:
If you call the daycare center and tip them off that mom is blaming them for ouchies that the kid is receiving at home - they might start documenting what ouchies the kid has when she is dropped off at daycare. That way, any and all discrepancies will be well documented. Just a thought..
Document the scrapes anyway.
Document the scrapes anyway. Keep a record.
SO would call the daycare
SO would call the daycare except the director and BM are best friends and anything he asks about there gets back to BM immediately. Even when he asked for a progess report when she started the preschool program, BM called us 15 minutes later bitching that he could just ask HER for those things...soooo daycare is less than helpful.
As for the phone calls, do you really think they mean nothing? Because if you could just see her, one second she is perfectly happy smiling and the next she is terrified, and its not because we are making her feel that way, we stay happy every single time.
^ I agree. I am a social
^ I agree.
I am a social worker. I work with the disabled population. I am always on the look-out for signs of abuse.
What do I need in order to file a complaint or to launch an investigation?
- I need documentation for subtle abuse. Scraps and bruises don't mean anything unless they are being documented. They are only an immediate red flag if there is no logical reason for them. Kids get scraps and bruises all of the time. So where, on the body, are these scrapes and bruises located? What do they look like? What most likely caused the injury?
It's usually easy to tell if a bruise on the arm is from being grabbed too hard. You know?
Take pictures and write things down.
- In a shady situation there is always a line in which something unethical crosses over into abuse. It's my job to figure out where that line is. If it's just unethical, how close to the line of becoming abuse is it? The further from the line and into the unethical a situation is, the less effective I will be in doing anything about it (other than having conversations with those involved). Which means that the less effective any social worker who comes to the house to investigate will be. However, once a situation hits that line, I can do something about it. You are going to have something substantial in order to prove abuse.
In families, there is no law that states that we have to treat each other ethically. The state won't do anything about unethical behavior in a family. However, the state has abuse clearly defined. Find those laws and start watching for signs that something could be falling into the realm of abuse. Once you see it, then you make that call.
Call the daycare and mention
Call the daycare and mention your concerns and see if she really got them there. If the scrapes and bruises are bad enough take her to the ER and explain to the that she came this way from her mothers house and you are concerned, the drs there are trained to recognize signs of abuse and will report it if they feel its necessary.
If its turns into a pattern that you are in the er every month with suspicious marks on her, then you have enough to take to DCF and its documented by a third party.
Theres not much you can do
Theres not much you can do until something worst happen even CPS hands may be tied. I would have DH call the case worker and hopefully have her take a look at sd. Be sure to take good picture. Take lots of notes. Its easy to PAS children so a case worker given that BM has already file a complaint on you would have to figure out whos telling the truth. Thats the hard part for them. I would be concerened to if I were you and SO. My ss arm and leg got broke at 8 months old and the hospital report stated that there was old brusing and finger print brusing on both side of his body. Not includeing a rash under his neck and a nott the size of a golf ball on his fore head. Bm blamed the boyfriend and the police never did find him. So no one was charged. Thats why our BM has sv only. Theres alot more to our story but I won't go there.
*sigh thanks everyone, I saw
*sigh
And its not that I "want BM to pay" I am not that kind of person and CPS knew the allegations against me were a crock, idk call it instinct. I guess I will just keep documenting and hope for the best.
thanks everyone, I saw the retaliation angle too
thats a good idea, I thought
thats a good idea, I thought that but SD is only 3 and a half, I can't see anything BM saying to her would be so bad to have that kind of reaction you know? But who knows she's a smart little one lol so she probably understands a lot more than we give her credit for.