No you're not selfish to want alone time with your bf, but it is unrealistic to expect it. He is a father and the child is nine. If you feel this way now, what would happen if his son one day wanted to come and live with dad - that is quite possible and you need to think about that before making any further commitment to this relatinship.

You don't get on with BM now, once you and your BF marry she may (or may not), but she may become even worse, then she may (or may not), start getting into her son's ear, and just read other posts to see where that goes. Not good.

I think that your bf has been very good to say NO when the two of you have plans together, it at least shows he is putting you first sometimes, and as a parent, of a nine year old, SOMETIMES may be the best he can do right now, with a child this young there are going to be times when he has needs that need to be met before dad can go out etc., If you read through some other postings you will see people don't even get that.

Do you think you may be feeling a little jealous because you see his son as taking time away from you, probably quite normal for a young woman with no responsibilities, but you need to accept that your BF has a huge responsibility here,he has a 9 year old son and if this child really is living with the bitch from hell, why would you begrudge him time with a father who clearly is the better parent at this time.

If dad was putting the boy first all the time, and according to your post that is not the case, or if the boy could do no wrong in dad's eyes, you would absolutely have a problem. But from what you are saying I don't think that is the case.

You do need to realise this is your life if you chose to marry someone with a child, the child is not going to go away, and as I said, he may even come to live full time one day.

So, the ball is in your court, never mind your feelings for your boyfriend, they're okay so you don't have to think them over, but you do need to think over are you ready to be a wife and mother to a 9 year old son.

Good luck, I don't think this is so much your bf's issue as it is yours at this point, I think from your post your bf is trying to do the right thing, and he does give you as much alone time as he can, question is, can you settle for that. That is the question. Wish you all the best with this. Suggest you read more posts from others who have young children like your bf.

It is very natural for you to feel this way and you shouldn't feel guilty over it. Maybe you could schedule time with your bf, like one weekend a month, where it is just you two. I know that may not sound like much right now, but at least you would know that once a month you have definite alone time with your bf. It seems like he has issues with setting up a schedule his BM can stick to and he needs to be a little more firm with her so that she doesn't end up dropping the ss off whenever she feels like not parenting. This situation is definitely something for you to think about because as the OP just stated, there is always the possibility that the ss can go to live with his dad full time (shudders).

Agreed. It's fine for you to feel this way. But realize there is no good way to bring this up.
You have to realize the boy is attached to the package of your BF.
He seems like he's trying, in that he wont cancel plans, but for the weekends when his son is supposed to be with BM- he should stay there or your BF needs to have some other plans for him when he goes to rescue his son from "awful" BMs.
It's not fair for you to always have to play mom...and you can word it nicely "oh i was hoping for some spontaneous alone time with you this weekend".

Unfortunately what they are saying is true. I was in your situation. SS and I got along just fine (he would irritate he b/c he is so DAMNED hyper and when I met him, he was an EXTREMELY disrespectful kid to my DH)and then one day DH asked SS if he wanted to move in! :jawdrop: I didn't want to lose my then BF so I said yes with the hopes that BM (selffish and ALL about her and the money she can get) would not let SS live with us full time......WAS I WRONG! I really thought that she would say NO! Because she wanted money so much and the child support! BUT..no! She could not have YES! any faster! She made the tranistion extremely quick! NO problem to her and she LOVED it!! And SS and I had the biggest relationship change! It has not been the same since. We get along just fine! No problem! But the carefree life and OUR time is G-O-N-E! THINK about it! It is worth it for you and your BF, but think about it! The stories on here are amazing!