I got married to my first husband when I was 23. We had been together since I was 19. I knew he was jealous and possesive but I loved him and at the time I thought he would change if I married him. He was about 13 years older then me. I stuck it out until I was 26. After years of being accused of sleeping with people-men,women even my own brother!,I just snapped. Yes,if you do feel you deserve better...then you do.If you can't handle the anger problems...then don't. My ex was also abusive.His anger problems were solved with his fists. The drinking and the drugs intensified this tenfold. By the time I finally left him I was addicted to coke and a full blown alcoholic. I feel lucky to have gotten out with my life. Hopefully my situation was alot worse then yours because you are too young to fall into that pattern. But let me tell you something else-I also believed then that marriage was forever but eight 8 yrs later I am remarried with a wonderful family. Me and my husband hardly ever fight and even though we do have our problems I am not living in fear of his anger. I have been with him for over 7 yrs and we have a beutiful little girl together and I also have two wonderful stepchildren(even though they come with a whole set of other probs)we own a house and I can finally be happy! So, if you feel you have dealt with all you can don't let the 'marriage'hold you back from finding your own peace. You are so very young yet and the whole world is open before you! Good luck!

Keep stocking away your money...for "in case"

It took me and DH several years of fighting like cats and dogs to learn to fight fair. We got tired of one of us packing the bag and trying to "quit" on our relationship. After we stopped playing the "d" (divorce) card, things got a lot better.

Here are a few rules of engagment:

1. Never fight after 10pm
2. Stick to the facts of the issue at hand
3. Listen. don't just sit there and think about your response to what he's saying.
4. Don't start in on each other the moment you get in from work. Wait until after dinner to discuss things. (this way, you have agreed upon, consistent peace time)
5. Don't be a blockhead (unreasonable).
6. Try to understand the point the other is trying to make without defending yourself.
7. When the rules of engagement are broken, point it out and refuse to stray from the point of the discussion.
8. If one of you has too much anger about it...wait until that one calms down and then come back to it.
9. Don't pack, don't leave, and don't quit sleeping together in the same bed. These are bad habits that drive in a wedge.

I don't recommend going to bed angry. But if you have a problem and don't know what to do... sometimes sleep will help your subconscience work out some wisdom about it and you feel fresher the next day when you rethink it.

I considered divorcing my DH 6 months after we married. He was involved with a coworker and I couldn't handle it, even though he said he would never leave me for her. I even consulted an attorney I was so miserable. That was now 2 1/2 years ago. I'm still angry when I think back on what happened, but we're so much better off now. Last year we had a near domestic violence incident and ended up in counseling, and that made us even stronger. We recognized our differences and communicate much better. Now we're expecting our first child together and are really very happy. I too had a nest egg set aside early in our marriage but have since used it for infertility treatments which I will never regret. Things do get better over time, and if not, then it's time to leave! The prior marriage and kid on his side makes things a little more complicated, but I'm lucky my DH rarely communicates with BM, so I can almost forget she exists.

My XW and I married when I was 23 and she was 20. We lasted 2.5 years all of which sucked beyond all comprehension. She was adulterous and never remotely invested in the marriage and I was accommodating and my confidence was shot nearly from day 1.

4yrs after our divorce was final I married my incredible wife. She was 18 and I was 30. She was a single teen mom college student and I was a recent college grad just starting my career.

I did a ton of work on myself after my divorce. I saw the therapist that my XW and I saw for marriage counseling until she kicked me out after declaring me to be "fine and you don't need to come back unless you do something stupid in your next relationship". The therapist and I have stayed in touch and trade notes a few times per year.

I do not believe that the 18-22 thing applies to everyone. The specific circumstances of the two entering the marriage are much more important than their age.

Learning to fight is one thing that helps get through the first few years of marriage. Staying focused on common goals , objectives and growing as a couple most important IMHO. Having a partnership where both spouses can grow as individuals and as a couple is critical to long term marital success. My parents married when they were 19&17 and this has worked for them for nearly 49 years. My wife and I are nearing out 17th anniversary and this philosophy has worked well for us ... so far.

These are also the things that help get you through the tough times together even after you have been married for many years.

My wife and I both come home at the end of the work day excited to see each other. Even when one or the other of us has had a crappy day at work and even when we are going through tense times together.

Good luck and enjoy your marriage.

some just gets too impulsive, when they get the idea it excites them too quickly without allowing their selves to ponder over things. things like this leads marriage to divorce...

Divorce Advice