Weekends...getting to be too much
So I know y'all have read my post about this past weekend and daddy's lap. I just need to vent because some of this is getting to be too much. I love my DH. He is awesome to me when the skids are not there. That is the when we are happiest. He never wants to step on SD toes for any reason. Our weekends with them are all about them. Doesn't matter what else may be going on in our lives. We have to cook what they want, when they want and entertain the whole time. They are attention mongers. They can't just chill. It's "daddy what are we doing today?" My favorite was when SD14 asked daddy the take her driving next time she's over. I want to see how this plays out because she doesn't have a permit and both of our cars are in my name and I say heck no!!! Anyway this past weekend was the skid weekend. Both skids were busy Friday night so they decided not to come until Saturday morning. DH and I went grocery shopping and I was gonna make a nice Sunday meal that afternoon to eat and watch playoffs with which we always do. We got into an argument in the grocery because I should cook the meal at lunch instead in case the skids don't want to stay till 4. Always accommodating. So Saturday rolls around. They are supposed to show up in the morning. DH keeps texting them. They say they just need to shower and will be right over. They finally make it at 4PM!!! Of course he's mad but won't dare say a word to them. I get to hear how he didn't get to spend much time with them instead. He told them about Sunday's lunch and they were like yum! They didn't bother to tell him till that night that they were leaving Sunday at 9AM because they had plans. This is the big kicker...they tell him we will just come back next weekend and stay with you again!!! WTH??? The court order is out of the window. He won't speak up about them planning things on his weekend. Wept our lives on hold to accommodate them and they want to come and go as they please. Next weekend is supposed to be skid free!!! Lately they have done this. Lot!!! Now DH loves it of course! Me, it's eating at my sanity!!!!
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I do understand that a parent
I do understand that a parent would want to be a bit "all about the kids" if he doesn't get to see them very often. It gets even tougher when they become teens and have so many other things competing for their time.
It's not always a matter of them intentionally scheduling things on "his time" but more that things happen more often that are planned by other people that end up landing on his days. I know my YSD had cheer practices that would often have a tumbling class on sunday afternoons. That meant we had to get her home early.
I really don't see too much of a big deal of him wanting to have an earlier dinner, but I do think his kids need to learn to be better at giving him (and by proxy you) a heads up when they have things going on that are going to impact his visitation and any plans made.
They are 14 and what age?
They are 14 and what age? Teens typically start 'minimizing' the weekends at dads- that said- you say NO- you stick to the weekend they are scheduled or they can wait 2 weeks to see you since they have plans.
Don't EVER plan any meals when his girls are there-HE can do the cooking when/if they show up and he can do the shopping for them too.
Disengage.
I once told my DH that just
I once told my DH that just because *HE* seemed to need his toddler's permission to do stuff, didn't mean *I* did... and that as an adult in the household, decision making power was mine, not ss's... he was free to do something else.
If I planned a roast for dinner, I'm not going to bend over backwards to accommodate someone's 50% probability schedule who's wishy washy about being in my life to begin with.
IF DH wants the meal at lunch, HE can make it, YOU can proceed with your plans.
Tell him that just because HE needs to kiss skids' a$$, doesn't mean YOU need to.
"I'm not going to bend over
"I'm not going to bend over backwards to accommodate someone"
I made pork roast with red wine in the slow cooker last night. DH complained (before the food was even done cooking) that he doesn't like when I cook with wine. I said, Well I guess your eating PBJ's for dinner then. That shut him up and he ended up loving the meal. Dork
LOL I do most of the
LOL
I do most of the cooking.... meal planning and grocery shopping included.
Anyone who complains is welcome to not eat.
*shrugs*
Exactly!!! That's how it
Exactly!!! That's how it should be!!!
Happycamper, I think it's
Happycamper, I think it's time for you to take a few steps back and let DH handle things in regards to the skids.
DH can plan breakfast/lunch/dinner AND cook them. If your DH wants the meal cooked earlier, tell him that doesn't fit your planned schedule and hand him the recipe.
DH's plans change to accommodate the skids; NOT yours. It's understandable that part-time parents will take every opportunity to see their children. Key word: THEIR. YOU go ahead and make plans for next weekend.