I'm weird when it comes to that stuff, so I usually prefer to go it alone but i know SO is the complete opposite and needs me there. If you need the support, or think you do, ask for it. The worst thing he can do is say no. If he does that then focus on you and your family and just focus on being with them and the people who are there for YOU. Deal with DH after and explain that next time you need him there.

It probably depends how close you are to your uncle and how much support you feel you need. If it were a parent or a sibling I would say yes he should go with you. Your uncle, it depends on your relationship.

Are you looking to use this as a test of your husband’s loyalty or are you deeply upset and in need of his support?

Death trumps fun weekend with the kids every. Fracking. Time.

I expect DH to be at my side if a close family member dies or if my family needs support. I would return the favor for him (and have) when the need arises. The kids will be fine staying with BM for the weekend and should learn that they aren't the center of attention all the time.

If I were in your situation, I would expect my DH to accompany me. I expect him to be there to support me through hardships, including a death in my family. If he used his kids as an excuse for why he could not accompany me, it would take me a while to get over that.

Also, I would be annoyed if he invited the kids over to stay because I was away. Maybe that's me being petty, but especially if he decided to not go on a trip with me, I would be annoyed if he used that to plan a fun weekend with his kids. It's one thing if he had to miss the trip for a particular event, but another for him to decide he's going to spend the whole weekend with his kids in my absence. I would feel like he just wanted to send me away, so he could spend more time with his kids and that wouldn't sit well with me.

I am sorry you are struggling through all of this - it sounds truly awful. I don't want to be harsh with you when everything is so emotional with your uncle but I want you to make me a special promise that when all of this is over you will go somewhere yourself and have a long hard think
This man verbally abused you cause your kid did not thank him directly for snacks even tho they thanked you
This man spends your money hand over fist and then moans about your spending of your money
He canacels plabs at the last minute for minor things
He excludes you
You seem to be afraid to ask him to come support you - perhaps because of the backlash you will face from him?

Honestly I have been following your blogs and I don't like this. Not one bit. And I think it is worsening. If you ask him and he says no will you just take it because he has you believing his kids are more important than everything else or wil it be the final straw? And you get out of the way of a user and abuser?

Now however is not the time to think about it- you need to rally around your mom and say goodbye to your uncle. However; after that's done please think long and hard

Once again I am sorry about your uncle ; it's awful. Please get to the hospital and see him as soon as you can

Happycamper - in your case I would prefer DH not coming with me, let him dote over his brats, you will have less stress then having a long lip mopping man at your side.

Yes I do get you want him to support you through this difficult time, but you can not compare him to your ExH, he's not your ExH...
what was the relationship between your uncle and DH? Probably none, thus why would he go ?

I suggest you simply stop comparing people and situations and make the best of your situation, do what makes you happy, disengage from the skids, if they decide on a whim to visit and you had plans, keep on with your plans, either with your DH or alone, start enjoying your own company, it's a great stress reliever Hon, and you will see, the quicker you disengage and live your life, the more DH will support you, cause suddenly you stopped complaining and nagging, he will wonder what's up

Sorry to hear about your Uncle. Put your time and effort into going and seeing to your Mom , don't waste your time fussing over what your selfish DH is up to. There's time to sit and review your relationship and whether or not this marriage is what is right for you or not later.

If you have to beg/nag the man to go and then listen to his grumbling whine the whole time, he'll be no support to you. He'll perhaps even be a hindrance on your purpose of going.

To answer your question, yes, a partner should definitely be the one person you can always lean on and look for support in life's times of need. The support can come in different forms. With my own DH, he always asks me what I need him to do aka what I want him to do to help and support me the most. Sometimes I need to have him let me do my thing and to stay home keeping the household running. Sometimes it means I personally need him at my side.

In your case of your necessary sad trip 'home' to see your family during this rough time, I would tell my DH that at this point, I will do this part alone. I know me, I would be busy being the support and dependable person for my mother. The one who makes sure she gets back and forth to the hospital , that she gets rest , assures there are meals for her and whoever else who may need one and the lady who does all the running to go and do and hand hold. There'd be no real need for my DH and basically he'd be in my way as I do my thing. But when I called and said "come" , he'd drop everything and be at my side in a flash.

Dh and I do these things well together. But than Dh and I have been together many many years.

I couldn't help but think when you mentioned how your DH always wants to leave you behind when he has 'date night' with his children, that it is him being a cheap *ss. If he doesn't take you along, he has more cash to take his kids out all the more. That's a selfish streak in him that wouldn't sit well with me. Just as when you spend a bit of money on your children, he sees it as money that would have been available, instead, to save for him to have more cash to treat his children. I don't see a healthy two-way street going on when it comes to your DH. I see a 'taker' and that wouldn't work for me. Relationships , IMO, are a compromise and mingling of give and take on an equal and caring manner. Yours severely lacks that.

My DH was home with the kids when I had o take my favorite dog to the vet, i ended up having to out her auto sleep. I needed support, I called and told him I needed him there and that I couldn't do it alone. He drug his feet a bit because "the kids." But I told him his dad was there and can watch the kids for 20 minutes because I really couldn't be alone during it. He came. Anyways, you need his support you should have it, a spouse should be put first. Sometimes that's hard to grasp... But if the spouse isn't out first then the marriage Isn't as solid. And if you can't expect your spouse to be there for you and see you as a priority then who can you?

I get missing a weekend with dad might be a bit sad. But they'll live. I emotionally you need someone. The Skids will be fine, it's not putting them in harms way or leaving them uncared for, so as long as those aren't happening he should def be there for you. I know that's hard for my DH to get through his skull sometimes... so it wouldn't surprise me if it's hard for yours too. But that's my two cents.

Your DH is a special kind of selfish. He keeps showing you where you are in terms of his priorities. Are you going to be happy accepting that? Don’t you deserve better?

My condolences about your Uncle. Take care of your Mom.

Are you better off with or without him? From where I sit it sure sounds like without. Deal with that when you get back. Go be a support for your mom. I'm sorry about your uncle. Frankly it sounds like you'll be better off helping your family without Mr. Whiny there to be constantly making things more difficult for you.

I am so sad for you. I know this hurts more than it makes you mad. I hope one day he sees the light.

I'm very sorry about your uncle.

Your husband doesn't deserve you or your money.