Hello, ST community... 

It's been a while since I've been here.  After a long and painful last few months, so much has happened!!!

First... partner and I have been working together to drop the guilt (particularly my partner) and do what's gotta be done.  This has been a success, but ultimately we cannot control what kids do.  They are still little people and make choices in their behaviors and actions.  That being said, this whirlwind of a last few months has gained us SO much insight... 

TLDR would be that SD has come forward with more information over the last few months, I have used my intuition and my analytical skills separate of feelings to discern the information, we have applied appropriate measures for each SK, all to discover that SD was acting out IMO due to being victimized by SS.  Given his track record and my opinion, SS is extremely manipulative and only likes you if he can flatter you.  Once I begun seeing the patterns and behavior, I cannot believe that even myself of all people got tricked by this kid.  Once you figure out his antics, you're dead to him!  He will retaliate. 

SD has provided too much info to even go over here, but SS has been the perpetrator all along.  Again, once we discovered this, he began his perpetration further.  I decided to do an experiment.  Lessen my time and resources spent on SS, let partner handle him, and turn the attention to SD.  Oh wow did that work.

SD has a lot of anger and resentment toward SS, understandably... SS would put SD in a predicament where SD felt they could not speak out.  Finally they did... Fast forward to me and partner encouraging SD to say no to SS more, have confidence in themself, learn boundaries and to not be a doormat, that SD can only control themself and not SS, our dynamic did a 180.  I truly believe that SS was out to isolate SD from the very beginning.  He has been escalating behavior and becoming physically intimidating and forceful to SD.  SS seems jealous and angry that SD has friends now at school.  He sabotages his own ability to make friends.  He has practically no pro social behavior despite therapy, medicine management, support at home, support at school, etc.  We have spoken to him that it is his choice if he wants to go down this road, but he isn't going to drag anyone with him.  Just recently SS knocked SD over when SD came to tell us that he wasn't respecting SD and their boundaries.  SS became irate.  SS also hangs out with utter delinquents at school.  Mean kids and straight up bullies.  We talk to him about how to meet decent people and that those are not his friends, they're users and they'll use him too eventually.  He doesn't care at all.  SD has conveyed to us that they feel SS has tried to k!ll them before. 

Very recently, SS and SD went to SD's friends' house.  A few hours later, the father came to our property and told us SS isn't allowed back but SD is.  Apparently, SS trashed their house and broke their security camera, then sat on the father's motorcycle without permission.  I was hoping they'd press charges because I'm sick of the little jerk, but they chose not to.  Other things have happened with SS at school, like making fun of kids at his school, laughing with his delinquent friends when they trip people, hanging out with people who have asked SS to "stab" his classmate they don't like with his Lego sword, just despicable things.  He also makes SD life a nightmare at school.  Middle school is hard enough... and he doesn't care at all.  The 3 of us get along when it's just us spending time together nowadays, me and SD cook and bake a lot together, I listen to SD vent about things at school, I've become a safe outlet to come to when it comes to SS.  Poor SD's friends don't even want to come to our house because they're scared of SS.  Who can live like that.  And SD is very strong!  SD is upset and has struggles, but also has a positive head on their shoulders... I told SD that is a quality that will surmount any negative thing SD goes through in life.  SD has really progressed a lot in interaction with me and partner.  SD apologizes when doing the wrong thing, is accountable for their actions, is cleanly and takes pride now in their appearance, seems happier around me and partner.  We have been able to get SD a TV in their room, they obey our rules with it and respect them.  SD gets out of the house more, tries hanging out with friends when SD can, so that's terrific.  Otherwise, outside of all that, SD is absolutely miserable around SS.  All of us are.

Anyways, school Is so bad that SS can't even go to his other classes. He gets himself kicked out by the teachers... poor teachers don't get paid enough to "babysit" delinquent children.  I already spoke to him about how he can choose to not care about school, his choice, but he has zero right to prevent peers from learning and getting an education.  He doesn't give a crap. It's so bad that he is absent from all his classes except 1 class where he sits there all day while the teacher tries to "incentivize" him with toys.  I already forewarned the school that nothing works on him, he's just gonna find another sucker that latches on to you for material items just to go later on and destroy the toys and break them so he can get new ones.  FYI, we don't buy any new ones bc why waste money.  He has plenty already.  FINALLY after deliberation, the school has now suggested he is transferred to another school for basically delinquent, troubled children in the hopes that he can continue an education (that he doesn't even care about, he'd be truant from school if he had a choice in the matter) but in a better supported environment as he is negatively affecting kids at school.  My concern is how he feeds off troubled behavior to begin with, wondering if it will just escalate, but it's sadly the best option at this time we can take.  Or maybe it will help.  Who knows.  He needs 24/7 monitoring.  I always say to people that if his lips are moving, he's lying. It's just the truth.  Family can't handle it but who cares.  The truth only upsets people who are uncomfortable with themselves/their insecurities, or that benefit from lies and burying feelings.

His psychiatrist is also highly concerned about our safety as well as SD, so she had no choice but to send a report out to CPS as we have no ability to proceed with additional resources at this time given the area we live in.  She said CPS can speed the process up apparently.  She said she has no concern of neglect or abuse, just severely concerned of SS hebavior and our safety.  Kid needs a behavioral program where he's kept away from general society for a long time.  He has done so many criminal things and I already suspect he will be looking at an ASPD in the future.  He's a vile person, and I don't say that lightly nor without reason.  He is spiteful and will intentionally do what you tell him not to do just to get back at you.  

The 3 of us currently feel more of a weight lifted off our shoulders.  Hopefully we can get the ball rolling with getting him placement out of this house for treatment.  the 3 of us literally cannot wait for that day.... it's so sad to talk about anther human being like this, let alone a child, but it's the fact of the matter. 

I cannot wait for more information to come.  He will be transferred to another school within 30 days, partner has to fill some forms out to authorize.  I don't have all the information currently, but hoping it's going to be one where he's kept there long-term.  The relief all 3 of us will feel is going to be incredible... even if temporary.