I think you have misunderstood what THIS website is for....VENTING for Stepparents. If you don't like that then why do you stay? I think I can speak for a lot of step parents here that things changed AFTER we got married. In my case the BM wasn't crazy and the skids weren't little brats when I met DH, it wasn't until after I married him that BM lost her mind and is telling the skids that everything is my fault. So before you start posting stupid nonsense maybe you should take a look back at everyone's posting and find out the truth. And your question about why we stay...maybe you should ask it yourself. You saw what our posts consist of before you joined and it didn't change afterwards and if you don't like them and have to post you own posts about them...then why don't you leave!

I can only speak from my perspective...I come here and I vent, yes even occasionally bitch. I, like many others, have my moments where I want to throw in the towel and run like the wind. I have not left because it is not that simple. I don't believe it is black or white. I have a BD to think about, and yes I do love my husband very much. Sometimes when I post these vents, I do so because I want some support. I want to know I'm not nuts. I want someone to say, "hang in there.." and offer something positive in return to get me "refocused" if you will.

Did I know My DH had kids, yes. But some of us have dynamics within our relationships with the skids/BM/in laws/DH that come up after the "I do's" are said. Things changed for me after I got married, the skids behaviors escalated, and DH and my life were riddled with many challenges that I never saw coming prior to our marriage.

The point is, I have made a commitment and am doing my damnedest to stick it out and be a better person. By bitching to my DH instead of here.....I am only contributing to the demise of my marriage, and I need a safe spot to voice my vents so I can let them go...process them or whatever. I think that people that choose to stand and fight for something are much courageous than those that cut their losses.

"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"

JamaicanMeCrazy
LIVE LOVE LAUGH

Well said - thank you

Yes, people come here to vent, but like Goodmom said, if you are venting about your SKids or SO several times a day, then maybe being a Step Parent or being in a relationship with someone who has kids, isn't for you.

We all have days where we struggle, sometimes weeks, but the ones that aren't venting all the time, are doing something to change their situations. There are people that have been members of this site for several years, and they are still complaining about the same issues they were in the beginning. That doesn't seem healthy for them.

Here you say:

Most of us (I assume) dated our husbands long enough to get a good feel of the family dynamics BEFORE we married them. If the kids were nightmares, if BM was crazy, if dad was aa PAS/guilty parent....WE KNEW THIS! But we married our DH's anyway. Basically we have all made our beds.

I for one, was blind sided. I live 20 miles away and had no true understanding of BM's interference. I saw DH mostly when he didn't have the skids but some times when he did. The boy was sweet and the girl was a bratty 14 year old. Having 2 daughters of my own, I thought she was within the normal range, albeit, the high end. I met BM and she wasn't friendly but she did say hello and since I didn't expect to be her best friend, as long as she was polite, I was fine. She was dating a man at the time and had 2 other children so I figured she had a life of her own. DH never had a serious live in girl friend or wife for the 15 years they were divorced and never thought there would be a problem. I am a BM and my ex and I get along fine so why would I think there would be a problem???

We got married and all was relatively fine for about 3 months. All the sudden she launches her little sneak attack. PAS's the skids and goes crazy contacting the relatives, etc. Believe me, if I'd had any inkling that she was a nutcase and her kids were brainwashed, I would have left rubber marks on the driveway long before the wedding. Which is part of my problem with DH. I told him I didn't like conflict and he promised me that "everyone got along just fine."

So, you think I made my own bed, eh? Just like everyone else that knows nothing about my situation. Well, I disagree.

Maybe you think I should just leave now that I know. Well, we're married now which I take very seriously. I am a Christian and made a promise before God. I'm sticking it out and doing my best to make things better. I thought that was what this site was for, to help people who are struggling. Not to sit in judgement.

i can say that yes our bm has always been a bitch, but it was mainly because she cant stand the fact that my dh moved on and she doesn't get to run his life anymore. She actually told me that she was sorry once because she was trying to cope with another woman being in her childs life. In past posts, there have been many women who did NOT know what they were in for, the bm didn't start going crazy until they were married. I honestly thinks this stems from the bm issues with the exH having someone new and using the kids to control the situation. I would say that most men, before they meet their new spouse, pretty much let bm do what ever she wants because hes living the bachelor lifestyle, and when he establishes a family and would like to establish structure, the bm refuses to the acknowledge the father as an equal parent because lets face it, most of these women want it there way and they want it all at everyone elses expense. REGAURDLESS, we are we at fault when these nut cases in reality should be the ones put in the looney bin?

i stay because my husband is the most amazing man! I love my ss, but we do have our issues thanks to bm brain washing/PAS him. I would say that many women come here to vent because its the only place they can safely let out all the negativity that is created by bm/skids/and in some cases dh.

as far as being bitchy...well that's a little judgmental dont you think? because i have class and dont want to look like a pathetic piece of crap like bm, I hold my tongue at all times...so since she is stealing from us, too lazy to work, brain washing her child, harassing us, stalking me, etc, why shouldnt i be able to come here and call her all the names that she truly deserves to be called?

I most certainly agree that some of these posters really do need to call it quits! but there is something making them stay...they fell in love with this man, and promised forever...why should they not suffer and pull through this and then once the skids are grown, grow old with the one they love.

as far as alienating a child from their parent....i dont care where/who/what a child is, THEY SHOULD NOT FEEL FREE TO BE RUDE AND DISRESPECTFUL TO ANY ADULT! I welcome my ss in to my home with open arms I love him immensely and most people that see us think he is mine, i clean his room, i make him all his meals/grocery shop, buy all his clothes, teach him letter and numbers because his bio parents do not, on and on and on...BUT it is very clear in my house that once ss is 8, if he chooses to be rude or disrespectful HE WILL BE LIVING AT HIS MOTHERS FULL TIME! if he ever makes a threat to my future baby or children, he will also no longer be welcome in our house. Look at missangie for example and her devil ss, in what universe does this woman not have the right to not allow this child in her home?

This blog is a clear attack on crayon. She isn't getting divorced because she doesn't want to.

If we are her friends here at ST then we can respond to her, if not then I suggest that you ignore her.

It's a simple solution.

I think the attacking is hurtful though. If you took enough time to get to know her you'd see side that you wouldn't want to hurt.

Please stop...........I'm asking you to please stop with this blog. Its hurtful.

~all you need is Faith, Trust, and a little bit of Pixie Dust...and sometimes a machine gun~

So it's deja vu... But basically, my thought on this is...

Venting is great!! Healthy! Good, get it out, so it doesn't poison you. But unchecked venting is not good. When there are no checks and balances, or, if the only responses allowed are those that agree with the "vent" then that's dangerous. Because then, the reinforcement leads to the perception becoming the reality. And that's not always healthy, or good, and sometimes not even close to reality!

I believe, we owe it to each other to give each other opposing opinions and a reality check now and again.

I also believe that there are those on this site who want the help and those who don't. They just want to vent and don't care what others think or feel if they disagree, they are handling it the best they can. So butt out, thank you very much!!

It's very hard to sit back and "watch" people say things that could be construed as hurtful, or even worse - HATEFUL - toward children. It's very difficult to swallow, even if it is a vent. I get it. Believe me, there are things that I could say or write about SD, but I don't allow myself too. That's my other thought on this. I don't allow myself to indulge that negativity. Because I don't see it as helping that relationship. Yeah, once in a while... fine, great. It's nice to know there are others out there experiencing it. And maybe, that makes me a coward because I won't allow myself to go that far. But if you do allow yourself to go that far... and we don't see you pulling yourself back in... then what?

Open forum? So what says, goes? Or, do we step in and say "Hey....think about this.... Think about where you are"... Is this good for you??? Is this good for them?

I love this site. I love it for the support and commiseration. But I love it even more when someone presents something I didn't think about, or realize, or know. I love it when someone says, my marriage was hurting and this place helped. It helped because we are all able to express what we are going through.

I won't ever condone calling a child a name. I won't ever condone encouraging a child to disengage from their parent. But I will encourage 1 adult to leave a situation from another adult when they are the ones in control. Not the children. And I'm guessing that is what Goodmom is also trying to say.

Best wishes ladies!!!

I too will speak from my perspective only...Before yesterday I had no knowledge of this site. And it has proven invaluable to me because like Catlover stated, if I can vent here, I can save DH from hearing my raging mad rants.
Despite knowing that BM was a nutjob and that being a SM was not going to be an easy task, I chose to stick by my man. I wasn't going to hold it against him that when he was 21 years old he made the mistake of picking such an unstable person to have kids with.

It is not easy, it will never be easy. But when I look at my SS, and I see what a difference I have made in this boys life in only 9 months of him living under my roof, I understand that it is all worth it.

And having a place to swap stories is such a bonus.

NotsoHappyNewlyWed

Sia posted an article today about the amount of complaining people do. It's pretty interesting. Maybe we should all read it and in Sita true fashion, learn some inner zen from it?

To every thing there is a season.

My FH and I have a good relationship. I love my family (bs and skids). But sometimes, someone will do something that reeeaaalllyy gets under my skin. So I come here to vent about it, because its not that big of a deal that I need to rant and complain at home about. 9 times out of 10 after I type all that out, I feel better.
If you judge me just by my posts you wouldn't get the full picture of who I am. But the truth is, I want to be in my relationship, and part of being in that relationship is accpeting the package, which includes BMs, skids, inlaws, etc.
It hasn't been easy. I have been at the end of my rope sometimes and I know that FH has been so fustrated, but we get through. Sometimes it is difficult because you love the man but have a hard time dealing with all that the "package" brings along.
I feel for the people that have really horribly behaved skids. The drama, the strife, the tension, the marital issues, they all come along with it. And that sux.
Do I think the name calling is right? No, not really. I think I would be hurt if I knew FH was talking about my BS like that. But he has every right to vent and be fustrated and talk to whomever he trusts or post wherever it is. But the bottom line is still the same, at the end of the day we are a family and will get through it as one.

I think your intention was good, I think it just came off wrong. However, I do think that sometimes we get a little too into our situations, and have trouble seeing a way out. Sometimes the problem overwhelms us and we cant find a way out of it, can't see the forrest for the trees, ya know?

I personally have called my SDs (bitches), b/c that is what they were acting like. However, they are practically adults, not really children in my eyes. I wont get into my entire story, but I do love my SD17 very much. I have even had much compassion for the BM in my situation lately. This has not always been the case, but I felt like the situation has warranted it.

Honestly, I dont care for the statement you made about us "knowing what we were getting ourselves into". That's unfair to a lot of us. I responded yesterday on someones blog about how I honestly believed we'd all be one big happy family when I first married DH. Yes, the signs of BM being crazy were there, but if you have blinders on, you dont see it. I wanted it all to work out sooo badly that I think I actually turned a blind eye to it. Hindsight is 20/20. It's really not so cut and dry.

IMHO, I think you are in for more than you can handle with your BM. She is very similar to ours, and I see where you are headed with her. The skids are great now, mostly b/c she is out of the picture, but so were mine. They were great until BM showed back up..then it all went to hell in a handbasket pretty darn quickly. I didnt search for this site until I started having real problems with SD17 a couple of yrs ago. Before that, everything wasn't great, but doable.

Divorce is not something that can be taken so lightly. I once considered divorcing my DH to get away from the BM. However, I stayed b/c we had two boys together and did NOT want to screw up their lives just b/c I couldn't deal with the BM. So, I got counseling and found this place. Actually, my friends here (especially stepwitch) saved me from divorce on MORE than one occassion. If they hadn't have been my friends, I would be another statistic and so would our boys. Not exactly fair to just tell people to get a divorce.

I do understand your frustration though. Some people DO just want to be miserable, and they want commiseration. Sometimes they will repeadetly post the same thing over and over again trying to get it. I want to be stepwitch for someone else, that's why I am here, and occassionally to bitch about my SD. Someone else said that you are only getting one side of someone here. That is true. Having met a lot of these ladies in person, I can attest to the fact that sometimes what we post isn't who we really are.

In most cases the vent has nothing to do with slander. Recounting a factual situation or expressing opinions is not slanderous it is just ......... the truth or a Constitutionally protected right. This falls under that Free Speech thing in the Constitution.

That said, saying that a kid "has their head up their butt" is not calling a kid names or un-adult it is just a statement indicative of a kid's behavior. Calling the opposition BioParent a "dip-shit" or a "moral-less toothless moron" is one of those situations where I have to say ........the truth hurts those it applies to wether a comment is figurative or litteral.

I recommend that you take a look more closely at the issues that are discussed. At the core you will find that the motivator is far more often than not, how do we look out for the best interests of the kids (bio or step) and how to we protect our marriages.

Of course at the get-go the name of the site is extremely clear.

StepTalk ....... Where Step Parents come to "VENT"!

Lighten up a bit.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

Goodmom, I like you from your posts. I don't know how old you are but I get the impression quite a bit younger than I am (under 30) and wise beyond your years.

I think you are doing something younger people (including myself) tend to do. They think that they got it right (I think you do too) and can't understand other people that don't. But you have a DH that supports your decisions and not everyone here does.

I would like you to think about something. I would prefer all SM's to stay on this site (even imperfect ones.) They are not going to leave their DH just because you critisize but they may leave the site. Isn't it better if they are here to vent and we can calm each other down and encourage each other to do the right thing???

And there is something else I think you should consider. Unemployment rate is 10% and about 20% of the houses in the US are not worth what we paid for them. Some fo the women on these sites have lost jobs, relocated and will lose money if they sell their homes etc. Some of them are truly stuck. Some don't know how to get out. I think it's better for them to be here than not and will continue to try and help people when I can.

"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"

who think this site is just for venting, the tag line at the top also says the following:

"This site provides a place for stepparents to talk about their issues, offer support, provide solutions, give helpful advice, ask questions on step parenting and blended families and vent."

Venting is only part of it. Offering advice and support are so much more important IMO. That is why I came here, to know I wasn't the only one dealing with a mentally ill BM and sometimes frustrating Skids. But I can't remember calling my SD's mean names. They are kids. Can they be brats, yes. But does that give me the right to call them nasty names, no.

Do I call BM Beast Bitch and Spawn of Satan, yes, because she is. And I would call her those things to her face and she would deserve it.

I don't think you understand the point of this site. Your comment about getting involved with a SO with kids somehow discounts the frustration and greif that it causes doesn't wash. We as adults do alot of things that don't turn out the way we thought. Taking a job, having a bio child, making a move etc... I find it hard to believe that you never complain about anything in your life and if someone's response to you was "well you went in with your eyes open and knew what you were getting into" I don't think you would appreciate it. Why do you have to make judgements? Can't you just enjoy the site for what you get out of it and leave it at that. People are on here because they are having a tough time and don't need you to be yet one more person to tell them how their wrong.
Just my opinion.

SS was living with BM full-time when we got married and SS wasn't all that bad until we got married and I got pregnant.

Yes I do vent about SS and wish he'd go away but that wasn't always the case, when you have a child in your home threatening to kill your unborn child I think venting is the least I could do.

Yes most of us knew that our SO's had children but alot of the issues we have with the children and their BM usually don't show up until after you say "I do" SS was actually a sweet kid up until we got pregnant and he just had the basic annoying issues most kids do until of course we got pregnant. Yes I know he's jealous but a 10 year old knows better then to desroy a bedroom and threaten to kill his unborn brother.

And yes DH annoys me right now with his not standing up to SS's behavior but I give him a little break on that because he is a guilty parent because he wasn't in SS's life until he as 4 years old (BM didn't tell him he had a son) and he's trying to get better but honestly if I didn't have the ability to vent here DH and SS would be shit out of luck and be living on the streets.

I surround myself by good things, good people.

Goodmom, I understand your frustration. I get upset when I see an injustice, something I don't believe to be right.

I applaud your honesty and I embrace many of your thoughts. I, also, accept the diverse group that resonates here. Some of us ARE stuck by our own accord continuing to resist the inevitable, and some of us are lost souls seeking for something better, while others have found a path and are executing the right to purge a bit.

I'm miserable in my marriage. I come here to vent about the heartache that I endure and you, my friend, are absolutely correct in your thoughts towards the obvious solution. I envy your convictions and hope that as you continue on your path realize that I'm attempting to find mine... but try to have compassion for those of us who are still lost.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

Step parenting is an awkward situation for everyone involved. Sometimes we say mean things, and we shouldn't.

Some people have a sarcastic blogging style where they call the children negative nicknames and things like that, but I am pretty sure this is not how they interract with the children at all in real life. They are kind of using twisted humor to vent, and THAT I get. And I enjoy it. It makes a difficult situation lighthearted. But there are definitely some things people say that take things too far. Rarely will I ever judge them, though, b/c stepparenting is an amazingly difficult task that one can never be prepared for. And it is constantly changing and growing, and sometimes it grows in a good direction and sometimes it doesn't.

If I were you, I would just ignore the ones who go a little overboard. I know we all get upset with our DHs b/c they could definitely make our SM role a little easier at times, but I agree with you particularly in the fact that if you are bashing your DH CONSISTENTLY....that's when I wonder why you are there. Very often, some of the more negative bloggers HAVE ended up in divorce or separation if you follow this website long enough.

LOVE it or HATE it, this website is the best thing ever. You learn great ideas, tips, and get great REALITY checks. Sometimes, I appreciate the most negative bloggers the very most, b/c then I realize I don't have it THAT bad when I think things are tough.

Anyway, I hope you stick around.

posts, I understand both sides. Each person is responsible for their own post, and has to deal with the results of said posts. Every once in a while, I get an overwhelming urge to create an unhealthy vent, but I allow myself (most of the time) to step back and assess the situation. Some people have difficulty achieving that goal and need somewhere go: they aren't thinking (or caring about) of how it sounds. What we need to understand here is that everyone has different ways of dealing with difficult people or difficult situations. That comes from our enculturated biases, and plays a huge part of who we are inside and out. If someone is having problems, and vents frequently, or in an offensive manner, it could be a cry for help. Maybe that person is so stuck, they don't know which direction to turn. It's not that they are horrible people and need to call their SK's names to feel better, it's that they don't have the same coping skills that you may have, or like me, the coping skills sometimes get overshadowed by anger.

Over the past four years, I have had to deal with someone hating me for no reason. A woman I never met calling me names and teaching her children to do the same. I made a choice, I could stoop to their level and do the same, or I could rise above it. That was the HARDEST thing I have ever done, because I was not going to turn into a bitter woman like BM.

I have a SD, 13, who is becoming more and more like her mother every day. Lying, stealing, abusive, promiscuous, you name it. I can't stand her, however, I know who I am and who I'm not, and calling a kid names only dents my ethics and morality. Although, when I read some of the names some SM's give their SK's I giggle and totally understand where they are coming from. I don't think any less of them, I don't judge them, I just move on. And, I honestly don't have the time to pick apart each post that irks me, that energy is best spent on more positive aspects of life.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz

If I had a dollar for every self-righteous, sanctimonius person who gets on here to say, blah blah blah, you are all horrible people, we would all be millionaires. I for one will say whatever I need to say and I don't give a good GD what you think of it-!

I seriously think people write posts like this for attention and to feel like you are 'a good person' and superior somehow - well a truly good person doesn't judge others! and all the similar hateful witches join in. Take a hike-! none of us need this and I feel no need to explain ANYTHING to you about ANYTHING, because you know NOTHING about any of our real lives. I don't need your approval and neither do any of the people you are judging.

Wah, they're being mean-!! that's what you sound like. And very unoriginal - just read back for the other 9,999,999 wizards before you who we have to stop to explain this to for the umpteenth time.

So take your judgement somewhere else - why are you here if things are so great? oh wait, don't answer, it will only prolong the BOREDOM these posts generate-!

_________________________________________________________
Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.

William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2

I'm a name caller. You betcha. You should hear the strings of obscenities I can spew when the situation occurs. I'll call poor FH names to his face that he'll later quote back to my shame. I have been known to toss out a few names at my own kid as well, especially when she's behaving like a lazy, mouthy brat. She can dish it right back sometimes. The BM in our case is a selfish, twisted Edith Bunker with a mean streak. She's a downright bitch. One of her children possesses that same desire to hurt others. That makes her, at times, the Spawn of Satan.

So I have to ask you, what makes children so special that they're exempt from being called on their behaviour? Children exhibit human nature in its baser form. Human beings, especially children, can be complete and utter assholes, jerks, dickheads, idiots and bastards.

I stay with him because he's worth it. I love him beyond measure and I'm grateful he's in my life. But he sure can be a dick sometimes. So can his kids. But since I don't have a relationship where I can be completely honest with them, I have to call them names here instead. I haven't felt creative enough to make up names for them yet but I do intend to someday.

As for you, Goodmom, at the risk of sounding even bitchier, here's another response I HAVE to say. In my opinion, there is nothing more rude than pointing out another's rudeness. Since I'm a name caller, I think that makes you a poohead. If you have enough time to turn to critiquing and censoring others' opinions and expressions, you need a hobby.

Good lord!

"Most of us (I assume) dated our husbands long enough to get a good feel of the family dynamics BEFORE we married them. If the kids were nightmares, if BM was crazy, if dad was aa PAS/guilty parent....WE KNEW THIS! But we married our DH's anyway. Basically we have all made our beds."
So wrong, so so wrong. I knew his ex-wife was a bitch, and yes she is a true-to-form BITCH, but I never knew she was the type of woman who would choose her child-molesting boyfriend over her daughters and leave them high and dry. I have never held that against DH or held him responsible. I have always come to his defense regarding that.

HOWEVER, I did not know his children were "nightmares". They only came to see us EOW and I THOUGHT I knew them pretty well until he gained custody of them after their piece of shit mother abandoned them for her boyfriend who molested them.
Yes, I do call names ON HERE, but it is only ON HERE. I have called them liars, manipulators, and ungrateful. But they ARE. When they moved in here I stepped up and made sure they had beds, clothes, etc. Anything I could think of to help them feel at home. Because this IS their home now. I even gave them our bedroom. Not DH's idea, it was mine. And what did I get in return? Lies told about me and my children on several occasions among other things. Other stuff on my blogs. But my biggest issue in this whole ordeal isn't so much the skids misbehaving, but his lack of discipline. I know kids aren't perfect and I know they will make mistakes. Hell, we all do, but how in the world was I supposed to know he was going to be like this. They didn't live with us BEFORE and they didn't show their true colors until they came to live with us.

So, you see, I never KNEW I would be mistreated in my own home only to watch the wrong-doers get no consequences. I never KNEW my husband would be such a panty-waist when it came to his kids and their behavior.

I don't think it is fair to call people out on their different styles of venting. Some people have it much worse than others and some have a shorter threshold for stress. While I wouldn't necessarily "vent" the same way others do it is not my call to make on what is okay and what isn't. If I read one I don't like, I simply don't finish reading it or respond.

Phew! Girl, you sparked some fires with this one!

"If your going through hell, keep on going, don't slow down, if you're scared, don't show it, you might get out before the devil even knows you're there" -Rodney Atkins

"Maybe we should all make a decision right now to post more positives!"

Maybe I don't like to be told what to do! Man/child is a good name, one his father uses too!! You are only one person on this site. Last I heard, this is an open & free blog site.

I want to write about things in my life and how I see them, and not have to worry about one person taking offense.

While I agree with many of your points, the way you try to shut people down by putting their point of view down is not helpful.

Now, let's get on with venting and being free to express ourselves ladies.

Giggle, your oviously a very judgemental and angry person, and its kind of funny. It's funny because while people on here are venting their healthy concerns over their family life.. along comes the self titled "good mom" criticizing. I wouldn't be suprised if you and your husband are on the rocks and your miserable, actually -he's probably miserable.

"Having a baby does not make you a mother."
Writing a post doesn't make you an expert.

""Then why don't you get a divorce"."
Some WOMEN are committed to their families and marriages and are looking for help, its women like you who contribute to the divorce rate because you dont have enough values to keep your family together. You dont just walk, that's what a coward would do.

Why don't you spend less time reading everyones business just so you can have something to comment on, or would that take away your sense of importance>? Must not have anyone to talk to.. hmm. You can email me if your lonely

I think I'll go chuckle my pregnant a*s down the hall and get in bed with my honey now...
You're funny.

Health care anyone?? Tee hee

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

sorry i'm using my wifes thing here but this so called...GOOD MOM... is driving me nuts i'm the DH and she has to
deal with my BM and it sux for her having to put up with my kids coming here to visit after there BM puts in their
head that shes a bad person and shes not.... people like so called GOODMOM need to stop being so judgmental.
when my kids are brats there brats.. i know it. and if she can come on here and vent and get a little advice......
thank you all...... we dont have the kids you do or the BM so maybe you should find a site better suited for you.
this one has helped me and mine alot..
**kats**

I complain about school all the time. I bitch and moan about tuition... I loathe the stupid subjects that I have to take for general education... I cry about all the homework I have to do.

I rarely say good things about my college experience.

Are you going to tell me: "Why don't you just quit school if you hate it so much?"

I do understand your frustration... but telling someone to just leave their marriage is not helpful.

There are people on here that have hit rock bottom. I don't blame them for venting the way they do. Sure, it may seem bad that all they do is complain, but telling them to just give up is not cool. I hate people who tell me to divorce my husband. But it's probably my fault for not sharing the good things that he does do. I guess I get in the moment with all the BS in my life that I don't take the time to tell everyone that despite it all, my husband is a good guy. There was only one person that I have ever told that she would be better off divorced, but I have listened to her story... this guy was beyond help... it was obvious that he would not change his awful ways. She had to leave. She was being abused emotionally. That is no way to live.

But for the most of us, we are married with good men... they just have moments like we have ours... but that does not mean that we should just leave.

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss

Ok, so open a can of worms but I haven't seen "goodmom" respond lately... Has she not been online lately or does she not have a comeback for everyone's comments?

I say vent, however the venting comes out, all emotions and everything, let it come out. Granted we do not know what each stepparent encounters everyday...that's life, until you've walked my shoes, shut the hell up!. I truly feel for them for some of these stepparent... I really do, these skids, kids period....lawddd don't get me started on them there is always going to be some kind of conflict, that's life..... maybe some of the stepparent says things kinda raw on here, but hey let them vent.... I do chuckle at most of the stuff I read, cuz I relate to it... maybe its just one of those things where maybe this not the site for you, especially if you can't be real about what's really real!

I'm assuming because I've nicknamed my stepdaughter snowshyte(snowwhite for pure innocence,shy bc she can't look any adult in the eye,shyte for sometimes being a manipulative lil shit...just like MY SON.)then I should be hanging my head with shame for this post MUST be talking about me as well as many others. I guess my nickname for my child should be changed also I should just refer to him as bs7...choochoo is derogatory as well since it refers to his RIDICULOUS hyperactivity.
*sigh* I'm not sure what is going on around here lately. I thought we were here to help each other...but more and more it seems we're not here to really help, we're here to say that what WE would do would be better than what the person is doing. I'm sorry it's like this now.

The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. ~Edward, Duke of Windsor, Look, 5 March 1957

Goodmom, Have you or your skids actually been the victim of PAS? If so, are they even old enough for them to remember? Last I heard, they were being very sheltered in the safety of your home. Do your skids look at you with rage, disgust, manipulation, hatred, spewing vile to you and about you to anyone that would listen?... Are you skids being completely ill parented by your DH and yet you can do nothing about it in your own home?... Are your skids absolute brats to you, ignore you, disrespect you and you can do nothing about it? No? If not, you have no business telling someone else how they SHOULD respond in their situation when they ARE experiencing these things. You are not walking in their shoes, you are purely judging them on what you THINK you would do in that situation but I can tell you, you never really know until you are in it.

Goodmom, you have had great advice to give. I really admire you and feel for your situation. You DO have it bad. BUT, you have not experienced some of what these other women have experienced and therefore, have no business telling them in those situations that they are wrong for responding as they do.

Feel free to give advice but telling them they are wrong for handling the situation as they are is judging them. THAT IS WRONG! As someone has said, we all respond differently to our situations. Respect those differences. If you don't feel they have your same moral character, lot GOD judge that. Not you.

are meant to be sarcastic-----she doesn't get it Crayon. SARCASTIC AND FUNNY.