Counseling? Letter?
Well H & I had our first counseling session yesterday and it didn't go so well. It really just seemed to be a giant "venting" session for H where I barely got a word in, but I then I guess maybe that is to be expected? What's worse, even though I barely said anything at all somehow H's "level of commitment to working on the marriage on a scale from 1 to 10" went from a 3 at the beginning to a 1 at the end?! We were there for an hour and honestly I don't feel we even scratched surface on all of the issues we have in our marriage. I know I should NOT expect too much from the first session, but I am getting the feeling that if the subsequent 5 sessions (we've committed to the 6 that are paid for by my employer & will re-evaluate where we stand at that time) go anything like this one absolutely NOTHING will get resolved between us with this counseling.
After yesterday I really gained a MUCH greater appreciation for this site. I knew it was good to vent, but the fact that I was able to vent here and get my frustrations out BEFORE we entered counseling allowed me to go in there and be able to LISTEN instead of talk; unfortunately I wish my H had been able to do the same. So now, I am wondering if it might be a good idea to write H a letter and try to explain my feelings about the issues in our marriage? Has anyone done this before? If so, did it help?
If not, then I guess we will see what happens 5 sessions from now, but right now it feels like we are pretty much over. 
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Comments
Think of it as building
Think of it as building muscle. When you're trying to build muscle you have to tear down the muscle in order for it to come back bigger and stronger. Therapy will be the same. Your relationship will be torn down and then built back up again to hopefully come out bigger and stronger.
Give it time.
An opinion on writing a
An opinion on writing a letter to your DH: I have used email with my DH when I was so angry or hurt that I knew I couldn't carry on a civilized conversation with him. (He never raises his voice and just shuts down when I do.) That has worked well for us and I've had to do this maybe twice in the five years we've been married. As long as it's about how YOU feel rather than what HE's done or not done, then it might help.
I think if your choices are leaving the relationship or trying to express yourself in a letter, you've got absolutely nothing to lose.
I have tried the therapy, we
I have tried the therapy, we did two sessions and agreed that it wasn't for us. I did the email a couple of times, when I was so frustrated with his parenting. That helped way more than the therapy did. What also helped as crazy as it sounds, is we started taking dance lessons on Sunday nights. That has helped us more than anything else we tried. It is our one on one time and no kids. We laugh more than any other time. It even forces us to go out without the kids on Saturday nights once in a blue moon to practice. Believe it ornot, it was my DH's suggestion. Something he always wanted to do and never had anyone to do it with. They started classes at our gym and now we have learned, salsa, rumba, swing and cha-cha.
I would request at your
I would request at your second session that you get to speak. I have written a lot to partners, it helps me sort out the issues and boil them down to what I really feel and want to happen.
Thanks for the feedback!
Thanks for the feedback!
The five love languages
The five love languages worked for me until I realized my GF is all of them, She needs reassurance, gifts, blah, blah, blah. Whatever they were, she spoke ALL of them. I still have that book in my bathroom and after reading it I realized I was just with someone who was way too high maintenance for the book or me...