Is anyone else a FULL TIME SINGLE STEP PARENT?

I am not REALLY... My DH works out of town during the week and I am stuck with my two teenaged skids. Their BM is not in their lives. So here I am, left to "parent" two, selfish, spoiled, LAZY kids who think that my sole purpose is to do stuff for them. I have a FT job that requires me to travel sometimes. Most of the time I work my 40-50 hours in my home office.

I CANNOT STAND IT! :sick:

Because their guilty daddy does EVERYTHING for them when he is home, they expect the same when he is not. I can't exactly disengage from them, although I try my best. I don't make their breakfast or pack their lunches for them like he does. I do have to wake them up in the morning or they won't go to school as they are incapable of waking up to an alarm. (15 and 17 YO)

But I do end up with a messy house in the course of a week. They won't lift a finger to help and when daddy gets home, he won't do it either as he is just mad at ME for bitching about it! And he is all mad that I didn't want to slave in the kitchen to cook meals for the ungrateful two who won't like what I cook and who will not help clean it up. So I don't do it. He spends the weekend doing what they won't - their laundry, cleaning their bathroom, washing their dishes - and then complaining to me how tired he is.

Anyone else out there suck in this misery?

Goincrazy40's blog
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Wow, your DH is creating his

Wow, your DH is creating his own misery, by allowing the almost adults to act like 4 year olds, then turning around and getting angry with you?? I'd have a few choice words for him that is for sure. But hey, if he wants to act like a slave to skids, then that is his choice right? You are not required to think the same way he does. You are doing nothing wrong, you are standing your ground and refusing to be a lackey for perfectly capable human beings.

^^^^ This. What are you

^^^^
This. What are you getting out of this relationship?

There is a lady on here

There is a lady on here sometimes named FrenchPeas. Boy oh boy, I hope she logs in soon. She would be the most help I can think of in your situation!

I am. DH travels for work and

I am. DH travels for work and is gone pretty much Monday through Friday every week from April- January. BUT... DH supports me and will back me up with anything when it comes to any of the kids. SS respects me and knows that what I say, goes.

It's only been about a year and a half that we have had SS full time, but I do have him more than I have my own daughters. But truly, he is sooo much better off with me. And now I just get the normal teenager to mom attitude. Nothing outrageous. He's a good kid.

I tell you what, if DH and SS were't so respectful of my role in SS's life, I wouldn't do it. No way! I am blessed in that area. I love SS. And he loves me.

This is not a good situation

This is not a good situation for you or the skids. Only your H is benefiting as he doesn't have to do the hard day to day work of raising kids to be productive, well adjusted human beings. And that means that they won't be prepared to launch, so you'll be stuck with those sub par darlings indefinitely unless you quit being a doormat.

What would your H do if you weren't in the picture? He'd have to figure it out just like "real" parents do every day. I suggest you tell him that the current arrangement doesn't work for you AND isn't good for his kids; that at present, they have deficits and need a parent instead of a minder; and that you want to sit down and develop a launch plan for the eldest. Letting things just drift will only create bigger problems down the road.

In steplife, nice guys finish last so you have to be able to draw boundaries and prioritize your own needs. I'd be taking a hard look at the whole situation including finances as you should not be expected to support your skids.

You work full time, so have

You work full time, so have an income and can support yourself (I assume), so you are not stuck.

If your husband is just as much of an ass as his kids, is gone all of the time, expects you to cater to his kids, and you are miserable, why do you stay?

I know it's always easier said than done to leave, but sometimes it really is for the best.

If your DH was single, what would he do? Get a local job? Ship kids off to a relative? What?

give it time, doll. i also

give it time, doll. i also am a f/t sm and i sat back and watch dh do everything for the boys. we've had some deep conversations about this where i've told him he's not doing them any favors by not teaching them responsibility and self-sufficiency. he explained to me that he ENJOYS doing things for them that they'll remember fondly when they grow up, like making them a warm breakfast every morning before school.

i refused to do it for them for my reasons, and he kept doing things for them for HIS reasons. you may want to have a few heart-to-heart conversations with your dh and try to find his motivations. understanding it makes accepting it quite a bit easier, for us anyway. and we've come to a place of compromise - he is now holding them responsible for picking up their $#!t they leave all over the house and things of that nature, but he still gets up at 6a to make breakfast for them and does their laundry and other things that matter to HIM. but it has taken time to find his compromise.

remember, while your dh is gone, you are the adult in charge. but how they turn out is not your responsibility. dont bitch to dh about them not picking up or pitching in, just handle things YOUR way when he's gone. when he gets back and complains about how tired he is after doing their cleaning for them, just pat him on the arm, give him a peck on the cheek and a cold beer, and then go do something you enjoy (read a book, crochet, or whatever).

lol YUP!!!!

lol YUP!!!! }:)

Thanks Tuff Noggies. Your DH

Thanks Tuff Noggies.

Your DH and mine may be twin brothers because in the MANY conversations that I have had with DH, that is exactly what he tells me. That he ENJOYS doing it. So I tell him about how these kids are going to go to college (God forbid they don't, I will die) and will be sitting in their dorm rooms surrounded by dirty clothing and starving to death, with no idea what to do.

And when I remind him of his ENJOYMENT when he is bitching that he has to do EVERYTHING - we end up fighting.

It seems hopeless a lot of the time and I wonder if I will make it until the last one is gone in four years. If they go. I am having visions of community college because of their helplessness.