So I have recently begun to detach myself from all things skid related, at least what is possible and realistic. I certainly don’t completely ignore them as if they don’t exist, but decisions about homework, scheduling, chores, dinner, etc I have now begun to leave myself out of. I offer no opinion up front, and offer no suggestions on how to resolve problems. If asked, perhaps I will offer some opinion up. But by and large I have taken myself out of the picture in these type of scenes.

The results, IMHO, have been wonderful. The tension and stress levels I had previously been experiencing are down tremendously. The wife and I seem to be getting along better. Overall, we both have felt a difference lately.

Until the other night. DW and I unfortunately got into it pretty good (amazingly, this time it was nothing to do with skids or the ex!) During this argument, DW actually mentioned her confusion to our fight, since recently over the past several weeks, she thought the two of us were doing better. All that I previously just mentioned about our improved relationship, she agreed with. Keep in mind, I have never actually TOLD her about my newfound decision to ‘disengage’, nor have I ever even used that word with her. But when she brought this up, I had to laugh to myself inside a bit.

So I told her, again without actually using the word disengage, that I had been making the deliberate decision to back off on all things regarding the skids. After all, I told her, they’re not mine, never have been, and never will be. They’ve always had two parents, and always, will. Like you’ve (DW) said, they have a dad and you’re not trying to replace him (with me). That being said, there’s really no good reason why my opinion needs to be taken into consideration on issues involving these kids.

At this point, she became very upset. As if I had just thrown them all out on the street and had absolutely no use or interest in any of them. It was actually HER who used the phrase, ‘you’re disengaging’. I wanted to shout with excitement, ‘YES!! DISENGAGEMENT!!! That’s exactly what I’m doing!!’ as if she had won some prize or something. But she had absolutely none of the same enthusiasm!!

She thinks its an awful thing for me to have this mindset and agenda. This has actually made her think I regard her and her kids even less than what she previously believed (which, she believes is not much anyways)
I really don’t care at this point if she flips out about this. Perhaps she was just very emotional and over-reacting a bit. I hope that’s the case.

But if it’s not, I’m not going to worry too much about it. If my decision to disengage from the constant circular logic games that are her, the skids, and the ex are too much for her to handle, then perhaps this was not meant to be in the first place. I don’t think I can be with someone who isn’t willing to raise their OWN kids the way THEY see fit, and be ok with me just letting that happen.

For now, we’ll have to wait and see if that was an over-reaction on her part, or if those are her true colors.