Science book at 8 pm? Seriously??
So last night my DW gets a call from BD13. It's 8pm, she's at BF house, and she needs her science textbook for homework. BTW, she's failing science and math, how that's possible in 7th grade I have absolutely no clue. Anyways.....
It's 8 pm and she is just NOW realizing she needs her book? We live 5-10 minutes across town from her dad, but do you think the BF has EVER got in his car to come pick something up, or drop something off? NEVER. It's always the other way around. So at 8pm my DW says, 'ok, I'll be right over.' Unbelievable!! No fight, no dispute, no telling the ex to get off his lazy, stupid ass, get in the car and come get the book....especially since its HIS night with the kids. Same story everytime. DW just rolls over for either the ex or either of her kids. No backbone.
But I'm not sure who I think is more ridiculous, my DW or her ex. Their BD13, as mentioned, is failing 2 subjects. You would think both parents would be devoting all their energy in the evenings to making sure homework gets done, and gets done CORRECTLY. But that is just way too much to ask. I mean come on, getting the right answers? In math? Who needs that, I mean math is subjective, right? SO UNBELIEVABLE IT MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM!!!!!
I swear to god, these exact words came out of my wifes mouth last night after I told her that her daughters math work needed to be checked each night to make sure it was compeltely done AND had correct answers-her response was "well I've never really been one to focus on getting the right answer." I think my head started spinning when she said that, but I can't be sure because everything just went numb. Am I really living with this kind of thinking?
And the BF is far worse. He comes home, at whatever time that may be, and you would assume any sane, caring parent whose child is (once again) failing 2 subjects, would get right into helping out with homework. Wrong. What does this douchebag do....every day? He goes up to his room and takes a nap for 2 hours....2 hours!!! Everday!! Then he comes down, they make dinner together, eat (well, one kid eats), and FINALLY get into homework. Hence the call for a textbook at 8pm. And he really actually wonders why his daughter is failing.....
I am surrounded by incompetance. I have tried everything to try and help the girl out, to offer suggestions, to help her study (I'm actually very good at math and the like), but I get nowhere. I get no appreciation, and I just never "understand". I'm done trying to help, care, or understand. If they want to let their daughter fail miserably in school, and later in life by not caring about 'the right answers', and having that type of attitude towards everything in life....so be it. Not my call and I just don't care anymore. You just can't make someone realize the level of their own stupidity sometimes.
That was long, but I swear I thought I was dreaming last night, it was just too unbelievable. Sometimes I wish I could have a tape recorder hidden and running 24/7 in the house so I could capture the things that are said and have them as proof.
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Well I'm glad I brought some
Well I'm glad I brought some laughter to your day! Might as well make this enjoyable for someone, right?
I respond to 'wish' with 'if
I respond to 'wish' with 'if wishes were horses then beggars would ride.' I hear them, I just do not desire to pander to them.
Obviously a case of the
Obviously a case of the idiots running the asylum.
Nice, do you get the early AM
Nice, do you get the early AM calls too? BM called once at 7am to ask where SS6's snow pants were so he could wear them to school - which starts at 8.
Yeah, that sounds pretty
Yeah, that sounds pretty familiar (well, no snow around our house). What about this....ever had bio parent drop them off, UNANNOUNCED at 7:30 am because 'johnny doesn't feel good:( That has happened more than a couple times....don't worry, no one at our house works, we just lay around the house all day.
Last Monday, SS5 was sick.
Last Monday, SS5 was sick. Apparently whatshername had emailed FHD, at 7 am. He leaves for work a little before 7, I leave a little after that. He was already at work, 35 minutes away, and I was about 10 minutes into my 50 minute commute. She called and said, "didn't you get my email?" "Um, no. I was driving, Sorry is on her way to work, you should have called when he actually got sick instead of waiting an hour to email and maybe you could have caught one of us before we left the house." I said I could turn around, head back and take the morning off since Monday's are our days. She made herself out to be quite the martyr and said, "no, I'll just cancel my plans and stay with him." She volunteers on Mondays. That's it. No job. Not a big deal for one of us to take him, as long as we know. FDH ended up taking the rest of the afternoon off and picking him up since it was our day anyway, but for pete's sake, pick up the damn phone. If you can't bear to call because of the "conflict" then you can't expect us to be able to change our plans instantly when we're already at work/on the way to work.
We actually had to do that
We actually had to do that once because we had sent our snowpants to school with SS5 the week before, they were supposed to go back to whatshername's with him, and he was supposed to have them when he came back to our house the following Friday. I told FDH to make sure we had everything when he picked the boys up. He said, "yep, the bag has their winter stuff." Monday morning rolls around, and I pull out their winter stuuf (our stuff which had become the "back and forth stuff") and there are NO snowpants for SS5. He calls whatshername and she says "well, I don't have them." Um, you did and you lost them. He had to stop over and pick uo her pair of snowpants so SS5 had something to wear.
Turns out, the Wednesday before (beginning of her 5 day stretch with them), SS5 left them on the school bus and she never bothered to ask him where his snowpants were when he came home from school without snowpants or attempt to track them down. She simply sent him back to our house with nothing since the lost ones weren't hers, apparently it wasn't her responsibility. We find out about it 5 days later and they have been riding around on the school bus the whole time. (The boys don't take the bus on our days)
This happens ALL THE TIME. If something we send them over there with gets lost over there, she doesn't say anything and may or may not send them with a suitable replacement. Last time SS5 lost his "back and forth shoes" (which we paid for), she sent him over in his boots, no shoes and flat out lied to FDH when he asked as picking the kid up if his shoes were in the backpack.
If something of hers gets misplaced, though, holy hell. She doesn't work and I think she figures that since there are two incomes in our household, it's not a big deal for us to have to replace things. Um, nope. Not my job to support your kids, you make more for sitting on your ass than I do, and they don't lose stuff as much when they're with us because we hold them accountable.
Eventually I think FDH will
Eventually I think FDH will learn to check the bags before he leaves whatshername's house and not just assume she's telling the truth, but I don't know. I've stopped checking right away because I want him to have to call her at the last minute and make the trip over there to retreive whatever it is, figuring then he'll learn to check this stuff ahead of time. It's not my job to keep an inventory of his kids' belongings. He knows that, and doesn't really expect me to do it, but he just keeps assuming she's not a totally useless, lazy moron.
YSS called at 10:45PM to ask
YSS called at 10:45PM to ask his father why it was taking so long to get his federal tax refund... ummm. Anyone died? Bleeding to death in the gutter? Actually on death's door? No. He apologised but I WILL be chatting to him the next time I see him about unneccessary calls after 9pm.
DH was NOT happy. He said even if the kid was in jail he can wait until morning.
Hilarious. It would make the
Hilarious. It would make the story even funnier if your wife was a CPA or something.
Yeah...a CPA filing for
Yeah...a CPA filing for bankruptcy probably
I get some of the same thing.
I get some of the same thing. Except now Ss can drive and has a car so he just pops in here whenever he wants because he forgot something. This happened 2 times on Sat. He is wasting a lot of gas doing this and poor Bm is just too broke to give him any gas money! It's getting aggravating!!
Plus, if I say something to Dh, like Ss better be doing whatever it is he's supposed to do or he's going to be in trouble when he gets home, Dh will text Ss a "little warning" so Ss does whatever it is. Consequently, Ss NEVER learns! What is he going to do when he's in college?? Dh won't be able to do what he does now and Bm is and will still be useless!!
I feel your pain!!
That's hilarious....I'll have
That's hilarious....I'll have to remember that one!
That's funny!! That's kinda
That's funny!! That's kinda what I told Dh too. Not that I walk around naked often but you never know.
My Ss has been sending a text as he is going out the door of Bm's house to pop in here. The problem is, he doesn't wait for a response and Bm lives less than 10 min. away from out house. I'm not saying he has to ask for permission to come home but just like you said, you never know!
I haven't said anything to Ss yet about it except that he needs to start making sure he has what he needs BEFORE he leaves here for the weekends he goes to Bm's house.
Obvious, right? Well to some
Obvious, right? Well to some of us....
Sorry Kayro, actually I'm not
Sorry Kayro, actually I'm not sorry, but you're way off.
"but he does get up, get them dinner and then get with the homework." Actually the point I was trying to make is he DOESN'T get with the homework until 8pm. Let me repeat that 8PM. That's not helpful to a child failing 2 classes.
"...just because math is object that parents are going to know the correct answers..." If they don't know the correct answers, they should either 1. Learn them. 2. Find/hire someone who does know and can explain it to their kids. If one or two answers are wrong...totally understandable. Everyone forgets to carry a 3 or move a decimal. But turning in a piece of paper with some arbitrary writing on it just to say you 'did your homework' is absolutely useless in math. Unless you understand the concept and can come up with the right answer, you're getting nowhere.
"do the parents seem aware of why their child is failing" Did you read any of the nights events? They are CLUELESS!! They think, like you, that starting homework at 8pm is alright, and wonder why they don't understand math concepts when they refuse to work towards the correct answer.
"I do think its reasonable for you wife to take the book...." Are you dating her ex? I swear it sounds like you are. Since the kids are 11 and 13, I really don't think a 15 minute departure from the house is going to put them in harms way. They don't need to be 'packed up' and go along for the ride, they're plenty old enough to hold down the fort for a few minutes.
Don't confuse getting an
Don't confuse getting an education with being smart. I often refer back to a term my father once told me, "educated idiot". There's plenty of them out there
I read it, and what you are
I read it, and what you are saying makes sense.
And I would trot out all of my "credentials", too, but that would be petty, lol.
All the things you learned in
All the things you learned in school and raising your own kids really don't have SHIT to do with our situation. Unless my SK are exactly the same as yours? Which they obviously could never be, since your kids are soooo 'gifted'. What a crock of a concept anyways.
I never said anything of the sort, that everyone who is not me is stupid. But YOU are the one to assume that your 'accounting degree' and 'gifted' experience (I'm sick just reading that and typing it) make YOU and your kids so much smarter than the rest of us.
I was merely venting, but you're the one telling me why I'm wrong for it. I think your logic and argument are ass-backwards kayro. Maybe you need another degree, this time in logic?
Would you all play nice
Would you all play nice please? Even therapists and group homes and a juvenile judge, all eminently qualified, incidentally, could not handle our girl! Each child is different and parents too. I agree that 8 PM is a bit late to be just starting homework and at age 13 a child can be held accountable for taking care of books, or the pre requisites for school. Personally I would have said 'sorry (darling) but I am not able to come right now, any other way you can deal with this?' I disengaged, for if I had not then I might be in similar situations and still expected to 'cater' to SKids...not happening!
I'm torn...like you, I want
I'm torn...like you, I want to disengage to save my own sanity. But that becomes sooo difficult when you constantly see someone pandering to whatever their kid wants. And to the ex.
You seriously need to dis
You seriously need to dis engage. ASAP! If DW wants to let the kid fail. So be it. If she wants to run around taking books a few minutes away…so be it.
I would make it perfectly clear to your DW, that you are stepping out of trying to help raise her kids. BUT…they HAVE to move out after 18, unless they are in college full time and working part time.
How long have you been married?
4 years. Together almost 8.
4 years. Together almost 8. I've been telling myself that's what I need to do (disengage) but it gets soooo hard to bite my tongue and walk away when these things are happening.
I know...it is easier said
I know...it is easier said than done. lol. Try this...for one week, do not say a word about your skids or how your wife raises them. If it affect you, then ok, but only then.
I bet your marriage will be better in that one week than you will realize.
One week huh? Alright, I'll
One week huh? Alright, I'll see how much will power I really have
Good for you!! Update us in
Good for you!! Update us in a week. If you have questions, just ask.... I am the queen of dis engagement. A lot of us are!
Yes, I've gotten to a point
Yes, I've gotten to a point where I could care less if DH has to run out of the house like a bat outta hell to pick up supplies for SD11 who has a project due the next day and hasn't even started it because BM figures it's our weekend and WE should buy the supplies not her. I sip my coffee, ask where he's going and when he replies I just say "Oh." I have noticed that I am MUCH happier when I don't stress those things. Annoying? YUP, but as long as it's not ME running out to AC Moore to pick up oak tag & markers I could give a damn rats ass what's going on. If SD needs help, I always help her, but if she doesn't ask for help, I keep it moving. Try it, you won't be sorry.
Wow. I am so frustrated for
Wow. I am so frustrated for you after reading this. I too get very disappointed when I realize what type of parent (and the line of thinking that goes into the parenting) SO is. You watch in disbelief and anything you say is held against YOU.
7th grader failing should not have a boyfriend and should not be at anyone's house doing homework. She should be where she is observed to make sure she is doing it. I never understand why its so hard for some people to see how what they are doing makes no sense when it comes to their children.