Spoke too soon
So BF had proposed a new schedule with SD and BM the other night but we found out last night SD rejected it. And despite the fact that it would really be beneficial to SD, the BM wont force her to do it. Says it's SD decision. Whatever makes her happy is the only way to go. She's 9 years old and we're just asking to switch weekends so she can be around my friends' children and come to the wedding.
What ever happened to the parents making ALL the decisions for children?! I think the biggest decision I had at 9 yrs old was whether I wanted pink or purple skates. BM only allows her to decide when it comes to BF. The SD needs to spend time with her BF. And the only reason she doesn't want to go sometimes is because she has to leave BM. She has a blast with him once she's away from BM
This just drives me nuts. There is no reasoning with BM. Her response is always "it's up to SD." She is really setting herself up for trouble when SD gets older! Oh I wish this was easier!!!!
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which one acts more like the child?
I agree that BM needs to realize who the parents are and who the child is. As for ever getting BM to nurture a relationship between the SD and BF.
Perhaps u(better yet BF) should give BM some research on what habits girls who do not have healthy relationship with father fall into easier then girls who do.
Hang in there.
I thought about that. I'm
I thought about that. I'm the "research" type of girl. I like to when, why, and how. But I don't think it would matter. She only accepts what she's knows and that's it. Completely shuts out all logic when it comes to this. And she's a very smart person. It's like all these rules just don't apply to her baby. Also BM's mother died when she was 3 or 4 and then her and sisters were taken away from father because of physical abuse(not sexual) when she was in 5th grade I think. That's one reason I think SD is so fixed on BM. Her family talks about BM's mother all the time. So I think SD is afraid something could happen to her mother. It's a sad situation and I truly feel for BM b/c don't know what I would do without my mother. But SD doesn't even recognize BF's mom as her grandmother. Only BM's who isn't living. It's really sad. BM doesn't and hasn't ever liked BF's mom and has issues with SD being around his family b/c they don't like her.
Anyway I'm rambling on! But you're right, I went through the divorce and my father has been absent since I was 6. It's the hardest thing to try to trust a man when you have no experience with it. I had serious issues with "boys" and dating up til I met FDH.
My take on this is....
First of all...I'm like you...at 9 years old that's not a decision that she should be allowed to make. Second of all....why doesn't your DH MAKE her come? It's HIS time...not hers. My DH had to do that when his daughter was little (like 4 or 5) and once she was there all was well. If the BM can enforce her rights then so can Dad.
Some people are like slinkies...not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs!
We do make her on the
We do make her on the weekends she's supposed to. But we can't do anything about the times he doesn't have her. Like the switching weekends- there's no legal reason for him to switch. They have to both agree to it. But I told him if we can't get her other times and BM will not work with us then we would get her every time the papers allowed. Even Christmas. I do not think it is smart for a child to only spend time with one parent when there are TWO great parents. She says we're threatening her but she can't comprehend that all we want it to spend time with SD. All she cares about is if we take SD away from her. Not what's best. she's a great mom but this is ridiculous.