Thanks everyone! Yes, after my divorce, I actually made it a personal rule now that I wouldn't date anyone with kids from a previous relationship (my little mental caveats were that it would be okay if the BM was not in the picture at all and if the skid(s) were either an infant/toddler or unbelievably amazing...) Since my divorce I have been asked out by multiple guys with kids and turned them all down because of complicated kid/ex situations...AND I recently fell madly in love with an incredible man with no children (cue Hallelujah Chorus!) and am engaged!! I've never been so happy in my life and am looking forward to having my own family with my guy in the future... My fiance is someone i've known for almost a decade and we reconnected after my divorce and a decent amount of recovery/me time had passed. After all the angst I went through, I thank God every day that I went through what I did because my standards for myself are so much higher, I am wiser, more patient and know exactly what I want in a husband and will or will not put up with. It's such a refreshing change to be number one in a man's life and not have his ex's in our life or troubled skids to deal with. I am currently treated like a princess, and frankly it makes a wonderful change from washing skid-marked Spongebob underwear on the weekends! I really gave my previous marriage my all, but I ignored too many red flags and thought that love would conquer all, without realizing that shared values, goals, interests, daily compatibility etc... are extremely important and that a marriage can't work with equal standing and input, shared values and goals, mutual love and respect, compromise, clear and honest communication and compassion.

I have absolutely no contact with my ex-H or Ex-H's Ex (wow, these acronyms can be confusing!) and I told my older ex-SS that when he is older and a free agent, he is more than welcome to contact me and that I will be there for him as a friend (it's too tense and weird a situation for him right now to be friends with me, considering the divorce and his BM's history with me...) so who knows if we will ever have contact? All I can say is that my life as a SM was like struggling upstream and trying to push rocks out of the way, while slowly drowning and life as an engaged, skid/BM-free woman is like floating on an inner tube downstream, basking in the sun with a cooler of ice cold beer beside me... My life flows naturally and peacefully now that I am not struggling and fighting to make something work that just wasn't right. Sometimes as hard as it is to admit defeat and give up, the best thing is to validate yourself and your choices and go where your gut and heart tell you to.

There are some step-parenting situations that are wonderful and I still have faith that blended families can be fantastic (I come from a wonderful blended family) and I support and encourage everyone dealing with step-parenthood. Now that I feel so light and free of all that negativity from my previous marriage, I feel nothing but compassion for all the SMs/SDs out there who are working hard to stay sane and deal with difficult family stuff.

I don't want to advocate running away or giving up on a marriage just because it's hard (and I think all marriages have difficulties and problems...), but I do think that in certain situations, like mine, people feel pressured to stick it out when it's just not working and feel like failures if they end up leaving their marriage... I definitely was very anxious about my skids feeling abandoned, letting people down and dealing with the embarrassment of having to admit that my marriage was over, but in the end, I am so, so much happier and with a man that communicates with me, puts me first, respects me, showers me with love, support, friendship, attention and affection and also gives me free space to do my own thing and hang out with my friends without jealousy or possessiveness when I need girl time. I really did my best for my ex-skids and ex-H, but I was making myself so miserable and not doing anyone any good by staying in a marriage that wasn't working. My fiance's family is wonderful and supports our relationship, as does my family, and it's sooooooo amazing to not walk into a situation where I am constantly compared to the ex, monitored and judged over parenting someone else's kids, and feeling like second best. Without encouraging anyone to run away or give up, I just wanted to put it out there for those SMs/SDs that are at the end of their rope, that it is okay to move on if you really and truly feel like it is the right thing to do. I am a very stubborn and prideful person (not my best traits, for sure!) and so I think the last year of my marriage lasted just because I was too stubborn to admit that I needed to leave and too scared of what my friends and family would think. Thank God, my self-esteem, self-respect and desire for happiness are stronger than my pride and stubbornness because I wouldn't be where I am today if I had clung to my husk of a marriage!

Anyway, thanks again for the kind comments. I will definitely check in here every so often and help out with support and advice whenever I think I may be able to help. I've been through the hellish rollercoaster of step-mom-hood and have had a lot of experiences and in retrospect I can see a lot of things that I could have done better that might have helped my marriage and hopefully I will be able to support and help out anyone here that wants advice from someone who'se been there and understands what it's like to be a step-parent.