How bad did I mess up?
I am so trying to make sure I continue to do the right thing by my DD's and their relationship with their father and future stepmom. Sometime's it's so hard to not let my frustration with Ding Dong show. I seriously do not want my feelings for Ding Dong to cloud their feelings or perceptions of him (he will do that enough on his own). Then there are times, like this last week, where I feel like I have failed so bad. I can not make up my mind if I have let my daughters see how I feel about him and all the crap he pulls or have they seen it themselves. The oldest has just turned 12 so its possible she is seeing things for herself.
What happened to make me question myself is this; the oldest one has been the mascot for her Jr High school boys basketball team. Last Thursday evening the boys won super sectionals and won the right to play at state. Our daughter, of course, was then able to go to state and cheer them on. Luckily, the state games were played last weekend and it was my weekend with the girls so there were no problems. The issue though comes with me offering her the phone to call her dad and let him know she was going to be making her second trip to state this year (her first was last fall during softball season). I told her to let him know we would call back and let him know the details ASAP so he could be there. She told me she didn't want to let him know she was going until it was over. In her words,"I don't want him causing a problem. I just want to have fun this time". So he still doesn't know she went. She's going to tell him when they go to his house this weekend". I so feel like I have so screwed this one up. I'm thinking if it was the other way around I would want to know. Then again I think about our daughters and Ding Dong has a way of causing an issue/drama during every big event they have. They deserve some drama free experiences. I seriously doubt he would have gone. It was held 4-4 1/2 hours away from where he lives and he hasn't made the effort to drive 1- 1 1/2 hours to see her during the regular season. What do you think guys? How bad did I mess this up?
As for a court update, my attorney asked for proof of what Ding Dong was awarded to disappear from workman's comp claims. So, now they know that we know he was awarded a settlement. Ding Dong is pissed at that. They asked for a postponement so we now go back on the 22nd of February.
My grandmother is scheduled for open heart surgery next week, my mother is being tested for MS this week, and my baby brother is scheduled for surgery the first week of March. Can we say STRESS??
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Seriously, do not stress out
Seriously, do not stress out about this. Your kids are old enough to see how their dad is. You didn't screw up at all. She's 12, the tournie was on your time, and she wanted to tell him after it was over. If he hasn't shown any interest in seeing her perform yet, then I doubt he would have for this. Don't beat yourself up about it.
The most recent ones include:
The most recent ones include: 1. Last fall she competed in a Jr Miss contest. He called the pageant chairman two nights before the contest yelling at her about how late the crowning was going to be held. He then told her he wouldn't be bringing her to any of her responsibilities (parades and such) on his time if she won. This is all after he promised our daughter he he had no problems with her competing and would make sure she was where she was suppose to be. The result of this phone call was that she was not judged even though she competed because the chairman couldn't have a queen who missed half of her duties. 2. He has yelled at coaches and even pulled her from the field when he didn't agree with a coaches decision. 3. He embarrassed her in front of her friends and classmates at a school program because she had makeup on. What she had on was very light and age appropriate. Those are just the ones since school started last fall.
Sorry. I don't think it is a
Sorry. I don't think it is a kids choice to exclude a parent.
Thank you so much Scubed!!!!
Thank you so much Scubed!!!! I've never seen this type of clause before. As we are going to court anyway I will ask my attorney if we can have something like this added. I know she deserves a life on her own so she can experience all the joys ( and heartaches) that go along with growing up. On the other hand Ding Dong has me second guessing everything I do. Everything is a potential reason to drag me back to court again.
I try not to be a BM that all of you ladies have to deal with so thank you for giving me the opportunity to check myself.
There are always 2 sides to
There are always 2 sides to every story. We all make mistakes in raising our children. Rather we are BM, SM, SO, DH. DD sounds like a jerk. If he were worried about what his daughters was doing he should have been there to start with. Provided you told he when it started, it shouldn't matter whos weekend it is. If he choses not to go, then you should not worry if he missed the second tournment. Hes a grown man, if he cares he would keep informed on when the events were. What parent wouldn't want to support their child in school events. Don't answer that. Their are dead beat parents every where male and female. The only thing I don't agree with is at 12yrs old your daughter should not be making decisions that have anything to do with DD visiting weekend ( I do understand why she doesn't want him there) but it could affect you in the long run. Our court order states that it is the parents right to call the school about school activies and school work. If your sayes that, you could tell hime it is his responsibility to get the schedule not yours to give it to him. Of course then he may not let her go next time because its his time. blah,blah. You get the picture.
i can relate to this post, my
i can relate to this post, my DD's won't tell their dad anything, cause honestly they dont care if he is there or not..... it makes me really sad, but apparently they dont care.... i cant understand if its just me that cares, or if they dont really care either?? I want them to have a relationship with their father, but honestly he is messing that up by not trying hard enough.