So I posted a few weeks ago.  But wanted to get some more advise before I make a final decision on what to do with my future. Brief recap have a 7 (almost 8 year old) and 14 year old bio son.  Moved in with my Boyfriend a little over a year ago.  Out of state gave up a lot to be with him.  7 year old is very difficult.  

Still wets his pants and bed on occasion even had to go to the school 3 times right before summer to bring him clothes because he had wet himself.  (he's gotten better in this area) he admits he does this either for attention or out of laziness and not wanting to stop what he's doing.   Grandma graciously watches him two nights a week she puts him in a pull up  to avoid a mess.  This annoys me but I'm just the girlfriend so I don't feel like I can say anything. Grandma babies him.  Including giving him sippy cups putting him in the shopping cart at the store..   and he's basically perfect in her eyes.   

At School he had 27 or so physical incidents this year with students and stomping on a teacher's aides foot.  He is capable of doing work academically. But was getting bad grades do to his refusal to do work in class.  The school was even threatening to send him to a different school that was better equipped to deal with his behavior issues. His grades have improved but in my opinion this is because the teacher has given up on him. Not because his work has improved.  

He seems not violent at home with us. Just spacey and very forgetful which is frustrating.....I mean forgetful like dressing himself at almost 8....and walking in front of cars.  

He has no friends...

Bio mom I've only interacted with a few times.  (dropping him off at the motel she lives at) But she only has him 1 night a week.  She is a druggie and borderline pshyco. She has said SS should never be disciplined. I've been told she was a 2 night stand and got pregnant on purpose to try to collect child support. She has 2 other kids from different fathers.   So she is not all in on raising my SS in the best way. 

I have tried to be a mother figure to SS. Voulenterring at school, taking him on outings, going to doctor and dentist appointments, IEP meetings.  I've even been trying to get him into a counselor...I think there are ADHD or other issues. His son also has said he has tried to break us up so he can go back to just him and dad.  And has "melted my brain on purpose" just because it's fun....and he's bad to get attention. 

Here is the biggest issue. My boyfriend says that I am constantly nagging the SS.  He says I don't get over things fast enough. He finds it annoying that I'm always harping on his son. He doesn't want to be around us together. Other comments have been.  I'm the one causing the trouble by constantly harping.  To let him deal with it. I need to learn my place... I'm not mom or his wife.   SS won't be good take it or leave it.  Bust him when he's bad.  Praise him when he's good....let the little stuff go.. Because SS is a screw up. He knows SS is a pain and he's tried to fix it but can't.  I feel like he gave up!

He said my nagging is worse than SS behavior. So yeah... I'm the bad guy.  I can see and feel that I am nagging for sure... Heck I don't like the person I am when I'm nagging.  But I feel like I'm the only one who disciplines him....and he's made some progress.  I feel so much resentment building up. When I moved in it was with the thought that we were getting married.  Now boyfriend says he never wants to get married. ...to anyone ever...and he says the fact his son an I don't get along doesn't help.  We had wanted a little girl together.... Now that I see now SS takes so much e energy and another baby would be stupid. ..but I had dreamed of a girl of my own so I resent if I stay I'll miss out on that want. I thought this guy was my person....now it's changed mainly because of SS and I build resentment that I know isn't healthy. My 14 year old has his issues at times but he is a good kid A/B student, lots of friends, supported the move.  He tries to be a brother but is frustrated with the bickering too. 

I love this guy and part of me doesn't want to let a 7 year old ruin this relationship. SS is our only fight.  When SS is gone we don't fight at all.... But I also don't want to stay and be the bad guy anymore.  I feel like my choices are let my stepsons behavior go for my own sake and let my SO deal with it how he will..   or bail out.... Both options suck....