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BF and I just finished the questions from HELL!

dragonfly5's picture

Submitted by dragonfly5 on Fri, 08/26/2011 - 9:17am

My counselor gave SO and I, 800 questions to discuss before getting married or re married.

We both kept putting them off, not really wanting to do them. In the back of my mind I thought if I was honest (which sometimes I am too honest: meaning to direct) and SO was honest ( he is, and he doesn't tell me what I want to hear which I love about him) our relationship would end.

I thought the discussions about money, skids, retirement, etc...would just be too hard.

It took us a whole day! But no fights, no arguments and interestingly it was easy. It reassured me that SO and are soul mates. I know that sounds cliche but we do process the same, our temperaments are similar, we like the same activities, our values, desires, and goals are similar.

We have the tough stuff answered and I am so glad! Of course he wants to get married now.....and I told him this is a stepping stone to getting married, I am still not sure I want to float in that boat.

Now that the court told "crazo" she can't do what ever she wants and that she needed to put the kids first, and let SO have the kids per the CO and we have completed the questions, I find I am happy and smiling from the inside out!

It's good to be happy!

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dragonfly5's picture

Submitted by dragonfly5 on Fri, 08/26/2011 - 10:45am

My home is almost paid for and it is a great home for the skids, I raised my daugher here. It has all the toys and extras so we will live at my house once/if we are married. Currently (SO stays with me when he doesn't have the skids) when he does have them they spend the night at his place. My rule. I will not live with SO full time unless we/I decide to get married.

So the questions about how will we split the mortage/bills. We will have a prenup and we discussed the details of that. Insurance, wills, etc...

The questions were about sex, church, holidays, inlaws, guest, friends, money, savings, payment for activies with the skids, vacations, will he pay for college, cars, wedding, etc how much?

Holidays...I have a grown daughter his are 11 and 14. This was a subject that needed discussed. My daughter and I are very close, she lives in DC.

I have firm boundaries already for and about the skids, so even though we talked through a lot of questions that part was pretty easy. I do not talk to crazo at all no exceptions, text, phone etc. They are not my kids. She cannot drop up or pick up from my house. They meet at mcdonalds. Everyone picks up after themselves. We do not have maid. We speak to each other with respect. So far this part is great. But they are just hitting the teen years and we all know how interesting things can get.