We had no idea my stepson would feel so bad about not coming to the wedding. We really did n ot. We were just thinking about the drama his mother would cause. Of course, we really regret it. And it is contributing to our problems now. If I could do it again, I would include my stepson and just risk his mother's reaction.

We eloped. Skids were 4 and 6. They did not care at all that they were not there. We told them that we had gotten married on their next weekend visit.

Don't have the skids there if you don't want to - when your FDH got married to BM they got to invite who they wanted and if you had a decent BM this would not be a question - so go to your designation and get married and then if you want to have a very casual BBQ in your backyard with friends and family to celebrate go ahead - it is much better to have to call the cops to a BBQ because of psycho then to have cops ruin your special day!!!!

And besides your last line says it all - if you invite the skids there will be drama with BM if you get married far far away there won't be!!

We got married out of town without skids or our BD. It was AWESOME! With all the other people in our lives, we deserved a few days without anyone else's drama! And without involving skids, there was no way that BM could screw it up. She didn't even know about it. We told the skids before we left, so that it would not be a surprise, and they knew it was coming anyway b/c they knew about our engagement. My family had a cake for us with all three kids when we returned.

All three kids complain about not being there, even BD who was an INFANT at the time. I just heard her telling my mother recently that we had our wedding without her! We just tease them that they better get over it or else we'll go somewhere without them again. The skids complain more about missing a trip; it's not that they cared so much about the wedding. It's been a good chance for DH to explain to them that we are a couple and need to do things alone sometimes.

We had a destination wedding and did not include SD, then age 8. This was DH's decision, not mine. It was aided by the fact that when DH told SD we were getting married, she said she wanted to be there so that when the minister asked if anyone objects she could stand up and put her two cents in. So DH decided (I would have preferred a church wedding with my family there) we would run away and get married. We had a reception for family and friends and included SD in that. In fact, when we were cutting the cake SD stood between us and "helped" us cut. I could have done without that...

Personally, I think the kids should be involved in the wedding as much as they're comfortable with. My DH and I were married a year ago and SD and SS were both in the wedding. It was small as it was the second mariage for both of us, but we wanted them to know they were included. So SS got to wear a tux and SD got a dress. We even had a family candle lighting...they lit the candles that DH and I used to light a unity candle. It was just a small attempt at family unity. You marry somebody, you marry their family, their kids, their problems, etc. We asked them what they would be comfortable with, and that is what we all came up with. It was a beautiful day! Maybe you could talk to the kids and find out their feelings. I would set a date and plan the wedding when you think they can be there. If, for some reason, BM keeps them away, I would go ahead with the set plans. You can't let them dictate if you get married or not, but you can attempt to include them. We also have a psycho BM involved, but thankfully she did not cause any drama (that I know about anyway) on that day. Good luck!

I really think the should/shouldn't depends on whether your FDH wants them to be there. We wanted DH's at our wedding, though given previous occurences couldn't trust they'd show. I was uneasy about paying for a dress for SD & a tux for SS & taking a chance on BM throwing a wrench in the whole thing & having them cancel. It was important to DH, though, so I would've done it anyway.

When it came down to it, we let the decision be theirs. DH didn't give details for the when & where aside from the date, so there would've been no opportunity for BM to make an appearance or make a teary last plea for DH's love in the company of our guests.

The kids wanted to attend, but their condition was that BM & her then-bf also be invited. DH shot that one down the moment SS presented it. They are bitter about missing out, but the choice was theirs to make.

If it's important to your DH to have them there, I think it's something you should try to do. If he feels leery about it & would prefer they not be included, that's his choice. Just be aware that not giving them the opportunity to attend could linger for years to come.

I dont think the skids have to be there. it's your day to make vows to the man Your marrying. I plan on not having a wedding at all because I want it to be my day with my SO. Try telling the kids it is being planned, warn them and consider their reaction. If they are upset talk to them about why. Youdont have to say anything about bm. Just remember YOUR day YOUR decision.

I think the skids might be sad if they don't get to go, but in all reality it is YOUR wedding...do what YOU want. If your idea of the perfect wedding is leaving town and getting hitched on a beach somewhere with ABSOLUTELY NO DRAMA...then DO IT! Don't worry so much about what everyone else thinks. Maybe when you get back you can plan something special with the skids (go to a water park hotel or something?) to celebrate your marriage. They may not understand why they're not included now, but when they're older they will. I'm 53 days away from our big in-town wedding and I'm really wishing we would have gone to Maui or something

We had a tiny wedding - the two SDs, then aged 12 and 14, BD27 + husband, and BD 25 + boyfriend. It went like a dream, everyone for once was chilled out and because it was a small informal do in a local pub that was licensed to perform weddings, everything was so relaxed. BM then staged a drama later that day, but it was too late to mess up the noon wedding (I don't think she knew what time it was because we had purposefully not told the SDs, just because of that eventuality.) I would suggest that you have the SKIDS and bios there, but maybe take all of you away where the BM cannot follow and keep the destination secret.

We got married at the court house, us and two witnesses. No kids.
BM had a fit that we didnt include kids...hello none of her business...but it was a way to for her to tell kids we didnt care about them. But what we did was have a family dinner after the wedding with all the kids so everyone was a part of that. We explained it was just us and a judge, and not because we didnt love them. I say elope and enjoy your wedding.

We had the same issues with my ex causing a stink anytime I had plans. He knew I was planning to get married and kept telling the girls they were not allowed to go to the wedding. He was going to "punish"them if they went. The girls were 3 and 5 at the time. What we ended up doing, because I was NOT getting married without them there, was to plan the wedding on one of my weekends, then we told the girls a date two monthes later. They got to "help" with wedding plans, my ex was planning his shinanigans for a later time and we were able to get married in peace. I'm not sure that would work in your case, but its worth thinking about. It also took the kids out of the middle of any mess their dad put them in.

Hope I'm not too late...

We didn't tell SD-then-10 and BM when we got married. This summer (5 years later) we found out that SD was upset that she didn't get to attend - because she thought she was purposely being excluded from a big party. When she found out that we got married at the JAIL (yeah, we're classy like that, but really it's where the magistrate's office is on the weekends) in front of my parents and sister ONLY, she was okay.

Can you have a courthouse wedding on a skids weekend, and plan a big party for all of your friends and relatives after? It sounds like you get along pretty well with the skids, so if you want to include them, that might be easiest. Our license was valid for 30 days, which can cover up to 5 weekends; it's not like it was valid for only one specific day.