SS went through a “Sponge Bob” phase where he had to have any and all Sponge Bob memerobilia out there; Sponge Bob towel, Sponge Bob plate, Sponge Bob flashlight, etc.

Fortunately, SS grew out of it eventually.

Unfortunately, the last Sponge Bob treasure he has caused nuclear explosion in the morning hours of Friday last week.

This “treasure” is a Sponge Bob Alarm Clock – and it has proven to be as mysterious and as horrific as that puzzle lock from from “Hell Raiser” movies – for when it goes off, it emits a sound that is surely awakening demons from the abyss.

If any of you are familiar with the Sponge Bob Cartoon, you probably know how grating Sponge Bob’s laughter is. The sponge Bob alarm clock makes the cartoon version of its name sake sound like Julio Iglesias serenading you. Yes, it is *that* bad….Or good….depending on your point of view. After all, the job of an alarm clock is to wake you up.

For a while now, DW was beating herself senseless trying to get SS to wake up in the morning. I took over one time when I clanged a metal pot and ladle together. DW chastised me for being mean and cruel. I said, “Ok fine, you dig yourself into an early grave then, because that is what is going to happen when you are yelling and screaming at SS to get up and out of bed EVERY morning!”

It finally dawned on DW that the solution was right there all along; the Sponge Bob Alarm clock. DW told SS that he is to use it from now on to help him get up.

In order for SS to get himself prepared in the morning he should be up by 7:30am. DW and I are usually up by 6:30am.

SS, was setting the shrieking-banshee machine to go off at 5am. Why 5am? Apparently SS was getting fed up of running out of hot water when taking a shower after us in the morning so the genius thought that setting the alarm to go off at 5am would be a good idea in order to beat me and DW to the showers.

Except SS has NEVER gotten up at 5am on his own – not since he hit puberty. The blasted horn of the infernals would go off and SS wouldn’t get up. I ended having to get up, barge into his room and tell SS to shut the damn thing off. I told him it made no sense to set the alarm to go off two hours before the time he is normally supposed to get up.

SS didn’t listen, and for a whole week, I was woken up by this thing. I told DW that something needs to be done. I am now losing sleep because of SS’s stupidities and when I lose sleep, I get ugly REAL fast. So DW told SS to either set the alarm for 7:30 am or shut it off.

The next morning it goes off again.

I am swearing and cursing up a storm. I am yelling at everyone now. SS is hugely apologetic, saying he doesn’t know what happened.

“But I shut it off!” He says

“Maybe BS or BD turned it on when we weren’t looking?” DW says.

“That’s it! I am throwing this thing out!”

“NOOOOOO!!! Not Sponge Bob!!!” SS cries as he clutches onto it.

F*ck me! Is this kid 15 or 5 years old?!?!?!

Naturally DW buys into this kid’s act, like that alarm clock is the only toy he has left in this world.

DW yells at me to calm down and sends me out telling me to go back to bed.

I’m angry, I’m upset….but I can also wait.

So over the weekend, when no one was looking, I take out my trusty screwdriver and pry out the battery from Sponge Bob’s innards. I then overtorque the tiny screw that holds the battery panel in place so that the head is purposely chewed up. The battery is out and there is no way it is getting a replacement. That shrieking abomination has finally been silenced! I set it back on SS’s night stand.

“Drac0? Did you mess with SS’s alarm clock?” DW asks me last night.

“Sleep deprivation makes me do crazy things sometimes.” I replied.

“So you *did* mess with it. What did you do? Take out the battery?”

“I insured being awoken only after the sun rises.”

Ha! Take that Sponge Bob; you and all you Nickelodeon freaks!