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feeling so down

derb84123's picture

Submitted by derb84123 on Wed, 04/09/2014 - 8:38am

I am going to start with the fact that I am 9months pregnant and due anytime so my hormones are a little crazy. I am just so depressed. I have had a great pregnancy, but it has been hard to enjoy bc Stepkids live here full time. Not that I don't care for them, because I do. But its all day everyday I get to hear about BM and her babies (she has 3 others than sks). I hear how much my SS doesn't want another sibling because he has to take care of her babies. (She actually lost visits for a long while because she left SS who was 6 at the time home alone in charge of her infant). I get to hear Mommy says this about babies (although she didn't even purchase a crib, bassinet, or co-sleeper for her latest, made him sleep on the floor on a blanket as a newborn) While I have to bite my toungue and just say every baby is different....

Throw in situations like a few days ago where BM just randomly shows up and picks up the children and wont return calls for hours. She pisses off the school or daycare personnel and I am left to make amends. And yes DH can too, but I PROFESSIONALLY work with these people. Already have relationships bc my company works with them on a daily basis.

So I am sad bc I have missed out on a lot of things bc I am caring for other children while being pregnant for the first and last time. I am tired of dealing with a crazy BM who breaks the court order every chance she can. I am tired of waiting on lawyers and paying fees. I just have this gut wrenching feeling that she is going to do something the day I go into labor to make it a bad day. I feel like that is what she is aiming for . Year 8 and still nothing but drama. Sad

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derb84123's picture

Submitted by derb84123 on Wed, 04/09/2014 - 9:02am

oh I dont watch his kids... they go to an after school program while I am at work. They do live here full time though so we both take on parental duties. and He receives child support, not pays.

BM lost custody due to neglect and violence in her home. She still has visitation.

saffron1's picture

Submitted by saffron1 on Wed, 04/09/2014 - 8:52am

Oh I feel for you Sad try not to be sad though, I'm sure that whilst you are definitely in a difficult situation, this must be the hormones talking. The skids will always refer to their BM and siblings however, I'm sure that as soon as your baby comes along and they see that you are a devoted and caring mother, they will change their minds and love the baby. As for BM and her craziness, maybe she has upped the ante because you are having a baby but you cant let her ruin this for you. If I was you I'd have a chat with your DH and instruct (not ask) that as soon as there is some sign of the baby coming that his phone goes off and stays off. Have someone at hand to care for the kids if the baby comes during your time with them so that you can both share your first moments with your baby.
I'm sure it will all be fine, good luck x

derb84123's picture

Submitted by derb84123 on Wed, 04/09/2014 - 9:10am

Thanks. We do have a plan in place for the day of- friends and family to take care of sks. I am more worried about BM being random and picking the kids up from school or something. When she does that she disappears for hours. We can't ask our friends to try to track the kids down for us. But you are right about the phone thing, she does always return them at SOME point. Beee

derb84123's picture

Submitted by derb84123 on Wed, 04/09/2014 - 9:24am

unfortunately we have tried all the above. The police wont do anything because she does have joint legal, even though it isnt her visitation time. There is a length of time htey have to be missing before they will help. We have tried about 5 times over the years. Same with the school- unless we have paperwork from a judge baring her from picking them up, they let her. Even though it specifically outlines her visitation time.

We have to pursue an enforcement of Judgement or a change in custody orders to have anything concrete. Which we are doing, it just takes forever. :sick:

It blows my mind, bc you know if a Dad picked the kids up, wouldnt return phone calls for hours there would be amber alerts

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Wed, 04/09/2014 - 8:57am

she left SS who was 6 at the time home alone in charge of her infant
OMfreakingGOSH! That is nuts!

Sorry you are having to deal with all of the crap during what should be a very happy time for you! Why does BM have to know when you go into labor? I wouldn't tell her. Are skids old enough that they will call her or are you safe there?

derb84123's picture

Submitted by derb84123 on Wed, 04/09/2014 - 9:04am

she doesnt have to know, and no they wont call her. but she does talk to them several times a week (per the CO), and they often tell her how many weeks or days are left. The crazy has really been upped the past month or two.

Thanks for the replies all.... so frustrating!

tabby yabba do's picture

Submitted by tabby yabba do on Wed, 04/09/2014 - 9:03am

I get to hear Mommy says this about babies (although she didn't even purchase a crib, bassinet, or co-sleeper for her latest, made him sleep on the floor on a blanket as a newborn) While I have to bite my toungue and just say every baby is different....

Your DH seems to be letting the skids hijack the joy of your pregnancy. Eff that!

Tell your DH to reign his kids in, tell them to shut their pie-holes, that derb is not interested in anyone else's pregnancies and they are to keep their comments to themselves.

And it's time to stop doing every mom-thing for your skids. You will soon have your own to tend to, and the skids have a mom and dad, neither of which are you. You deserve better.

derb84123's picture

Submitted by derb84123 on Wed, 04/09/2014 - 9:18am

ha thanks! DH has actually been great. He wasn't around much for BMs pregnancies (He was 16 and 17) so he never ever talks to me about it. But yes, the kids make it hard. They are to the age though that they are starting to know that she is wrong and isn't a good parent. Like a poster above said, they will see once I have a baby of my own how it is really supposed to be done.

Just don't let that affect your choice to have a child. If you want one- don't let BM or anyone else ruin that for you. Honestly, yes it is super stressful and unfair that I have to deal with this shit, but I know it will be worth it in the end.

Thanks for the anger lol, I like knowing that I am justified in my frustrations. Smile