on one hand you have every reason to not let him over order, it's a total waste b/c he doesn't eat the meal, and if other family members are paying, it's rude. But, when you reject his idea of what to order, order from the kids menu, then you ruin the atmosphere (i.e. the pouting) and he refuses to eat therefore the meal goes as a waste. For us, it isn't the meal that makes the outing, it's the people and the time...

Sometimes you have to pick and choose your battles, and to me, this is one to lose out on. I know it's against your value to allow a child to make adult choices, but when you pull the strings on this one, the event of going out to dinner b/comes ruined b/c all he does is pout and fight with you at the table, and then the food that he does get is wasted in the long run.

My ss thinks ordering from the kids menu is beneath him as well, but we do let him order food that he will eat. With that said, we still have limitations on him, like if you want dessert, there is no pop with dinner, only water. That has been my rule since day one, and I don't care what kind of pouting he will give, I will win on that one. So he knows if he does order a pop, to not even dream of asking for dessert. We don't take him out to dinner very often, so when we do it is treated like a special event.

I hope this helps you.

Candice

P.S. your ss sounds like he is a well mannered child, and I wouldn't worry too much if you think letting him order his own meal is going to teach him to be rude. You just have made him sound like a really sweat kid, and I think in the long run, when he is out to dinner w/o you and dad, he will make the right choices.

I wouldn't take him out to eat so much. And when I did, and he ordered something big, I'd explain to him before the food came that what he didn't finish would become dinner tommorow.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

With our skids if my husband's parents (loaded) are paying they'll order whatever they want and grandma says it's ok, pisses me off but whatever, I've asked her to try to encourage them to make better choices in order to be consistent and she ignores me, so it's on her dime. When they're with us, SD14 chooses from the adult menu and it's an entree comparable to the price of ours and if she doesn't finish it (i.e. if she leaves a large portion of it she'll get a box and has to eat that before any snacks or other food at home is eaten.) I try to remember to remind her to have manners when we eat with company but a lot of the time she puts on this whiney show that my husband finds amusing - I think - ok - that's fine, enjoy the dinner but then when she asks me for extra money for shopping or movies - I tell her all the spending budget is used up because she over spent at the restaurant. My skids have no concept of where or how money is earned - they think they have a right to anything and everything. I like to do my bit to bring them back down to earth.

Hello Dawn,

Well, I'm in the same boat as you when it comes to restaurants, clothing stores, needing new shoes, etc.....

When I was a single mother, my income did not allow me to buy my children clothes or shoes whenever, and when we went to a restaurant (which wasn't often) they were told by me what they could order. And it was definately off the childrens menu.

So, I met my now husband, and I started going to restaurants with him in his children, THEY told dad what they wanted and it definately would include a big, huge, juicy steak. The kind of steak that I would feel guilty asking for because of the price on the menu. Well, SD (9)...(7) at the time, would just order away......I kept my reaction inside for quite a while.

I blew up one day probably 3 months into our blended family, and told him that he was making a mistake with this. He said he never thought about it! I put my foot down. His children did not respect what they were eating, or the mere fact that they were in a restaurant....somthing that my children weren't used to. (We were broke! )......

So, I completely know were you are coming from, and my blood boils to this day when his kids sit down that the restaurant table and demand for mozarella sticks.....I grit my teeth and wait for his response. Oh...he wants to say yes so badly, but usually he says no.

These children also come home from mom's every other weekend with $50 dollar new shoes on.....and a new build-a-bear....and a new GAP outfit...etc. DRIVES ME NUTS!

I told my husband today (after SD finished all the milk....you know, huge glass of milk with her breakfast when 3 other people still needed it for cereal, and then when I told her that I was going to take her glass for the cereal bowls, she said "uh, just a little!". I poured all of it into the bowls and gave her orange juice...I got the famous "eye roll") that we as a family should work in a soup kitchen so the kids could learn what some peoples lives consist of.

Have a great day!

heather