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SD3 pushed her BM away from her " I feel like chopped liver"

DASKRA's picture

Submitted by DASKRA on Sun, 06/10/2012 - 10:50pm

Today was the day SD3 was to go back to BM house at 6 PM. She showed up on time... WOW also all weekend SD3 kept asking when she had to go to BM house and would say "do i have to go to BM house today".. NO.. "Good"- Laugh and smiling again. Well today she asked again and said "but I don't want to go back" SO said " I am sorry honey you have to" SD11 said " tell BM you want to stay if you don't want to go" (SD11 is used to her parents working together for what it is she wants to do, within reason)

So when BM came to pick up SD3 she started crying before they walked out the door. I followed behind but was way out of site of BM but could hear everything that went along. SD11 and SO went to meet her outside and BM had brought along her neice who is close to SD3. SD3 was crying and said she didn't want to go.

BM asked SD3 why she didn't want to go and how long did she want to stay. She was asking for hugs and kisses and was asking SO if she had a nap and why was she acting like this. SO said she was clinigy all weekend, TRUE... She even told me this morning "today I am going to be daddy's girl" She loves her sister SD11 and they are soo close. BM was pissed that she didn't want to go with her but was sort of stuck with looking like a complete bitch infront of SD11 and her neice, Not like it would have stoped her or had before. SO offered a compramise if she would go with BM that she could maybe go to SD11 softball game tomorrow night. BM said that's fine. SD3 was not having it. BM asked for another hug and slightly hugged her then PUSHED her away. Now I have never seen this child do anything to such with BM. She is very close to BM and BM is always the one she mostly wants, except when she is sick she wants SO or I. She chose SO to take her back to the OR room when she had surgery and BM didn't like that much then either.

She continued to say things to SD3 like, I feel like chop liver and why are you being like this and you better nock that attitude off or you will not be going on vacation to Valley Fair. SO tried to talk up leaving with BM, Your going on vacation and going to have so much fun and play on rides and really big slides, SD11 tried too. SD3 was not having it. BM finally said " I don't want you upset and sad,(with attitude)" If you want to stay then you can but your cousin will be sad she missed you and came all this way to see you. (BTW she lives accross the hall from BM) SD3 was going to then stay I guess and when they rounded the corner she started to cry for her cousin so SO ran down BM and she went with BM.

I am glad she went becauses I could only imagine the treatment we would have gotten. "what did you do to my daugher, why is she treating me like this, what did you say to her, your telling her I am a bad person, now i get another night because you kept her"

I am glad that she finally got to see what she is doing to her daugher, not like it will affect her the way it should. This child is growing up quick and knows that her BM is not being nice to her Dad. She has even told SO that "BM is not being nice daddy, she takes me away from you" "BM tells me you don't love me, I know you love me daddy" AHHHHHH This shit pisses me off.

I am not saying she should have pushed her away but DAMN you go girl!!

Comments

oncechoosetosmile's picture

Submitted by oncechoosetosmile on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 1:23am

argh, this is tricky.I feel for BM though since this must be so hard to take.Sometimes children do those things and it is always easier and almost flattering if they want to stay with you and not the other party.The fact that she commends on B not being nice to her daddy shows me that she is far too involved into the problems between her mum and dad.I believe that both parents should sit down and make sure that they have to be very careful what can be said n front of SD.There is a big danger that children start playing the parents out to each other and become manipulative if they feel they can leave any impact when talking to one parent about the other.And trust me , it normally goes both ways , since kids are great in making their parents feel guilty which always works on their behalf.So unless BM is a heartless monster, try to support her as a parent when she is not around.Daddys girl.....hmmmm, that sounds as if SD is already good in articulating what works well for her.....

LizzieA's picture

Submitted by LizzieA on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 8:26am

This stuff happens at day care, for pity's sake. Kids that age always act like this. Don't feed into it. I agree, you and SO should just be firm and hand her off. This was ridiculous.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 9:23am

Your DH drew this out. It needs to be a quick hand off....Otherwise, you are feeding the beast. When she is a teenager, it is worse...She will manipulate everyone and this is teaching her how.

DASKRA's picture

Submitted by DASKRA on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 12:16pm

I am in agreement that he sort of needed to just push her out the door but there was nothing I could have done. I can't control any of it. I know he thought he was doing what SD3 needed or wanted but he is sort of starting to let her use him too, he just doesn't see it all the time.

DASKRA's picture

Submitted by DASKRA on Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:57pm

So what is SO supposed to say when SD3 tells him before BM gets there " I don't want to go to BM house, I want to stay here?" I agree that this goodbye was way too long and drug out, he should have said I love you and see you soon.

SO even said, "your going to have so much fun on your vacation" he talked up BM vacation that he had to give special permission for SD3 to be able to go since it was out of state, SD3 doesn't know that though.

Neither SO or I can stop what BM does or says infront of SD3. We don't bash BM infront of SD's. We have cleared up things with the older SD's when they were clearly being lied to and PAS'd and when they asked questions. (that only happened once) When another SD will bring up another BM we stop the conversation all together, but older SD's know BM#4 and they know what she has done or does (they seen first hand how she is to SD3 and how absent she was in the past) They will say things, not infront of SD3 but to us like, Why is BM#4 doing this, She doesn't even deserve to be SD3's mom- I said she is her mom and no one can change that and SD3 deserves HER mom as much as you do. I don't always know what to say because sometimes they though me off guard, It's mostly sD11 who has an outgoing and tell it like it is attitude.

She will say "well BM doesn't even want her daugher she is always pawning her off on other people" (not because we told her but she see's that we are picking her up from different people or that BM is always asking me or SO to take SD3 so she can go out. She says things like "She doesn't know how to be a good mom, she isn't very smart" Well she see's the photos BM posts on FB (they used to be friends on FB, yeah her mom and I stopped that really quick once BM#4 was posting to her FB page about missing her and being her MOM and wanting to help her with her homework or "I will always be there for you" Yeah even that creeped SD out but she didn't know how to handel it without hurting her. Most times SO and I tell her not to talk about her sister's mom like that but some of the shit she says is so funny it's hard not to laugh.

It is a frequent thing for SD's to tell SO or I that they don't want to go home that they want to come and live here. Now we tell them "you would miss your mom just as much as you miss us now, You wouldn't be able to go a week without seeing your mom, that would make you sad, We love having you here but you would miss your mom more if you didn't see her everyday" Now don't get me wrong we would love to have SD's live with us because we love having them here but we are not about to start putting in their heads that they will be able to live here because that is a long shot on all parts. SD's do know what it's like to be here for long periods of time and know what it's like when we are not busy on the weekends (seems like something is always going on)

Sometimes it's hard to know how to handel situations at the time they occur and you can look back and say I didn't do that right but it's too late.