Tape
So DH and I had an interesting conversation at dinner tonight.
Preface: When YSDalmost18 was here over the holidays, she messed with the thermostat to her heating unit in her bedroom; this is a heat pump unit so each room can be individually heated/cooled. Which is great! When it was installed, both DH and I told her to not mess with anything on the thermostat but to turn it up/down as she needed for comfort. She understood. But over the holidays she DID mess with it. It took me some time to figure out how to fix it (i.e. wiping it clean and starting all over). No idea what the h*ll she did in the first place, but it was not simply up/down adjustment. I was really irritated so I put a wrap of (removable) pretty tape around it so it's more difficult to open it to the programming options. Yes, I also said something to DH about it, i.e. that he needs to talk with her.
The next time she was here, almost two weeks ago now, apparently he did talk with her. JUST tonight told me.
Said he told her to not mess with the thermo in her room. She was upset about the tape because she thought I didn't trust her. "I am sorry about that (yes I acutally am), but I don't trust her....I also am not listened to and you don't back me up." DH, "I'm working on that." Me, "It's a lot of history of not backing me up and it's a bit late now for that. We both told her to not mess with the thermo settings, but she did anyway. If she had questions she could have asked one of us. She didn't. It took me a long time to fix." DH, "Yeah, I told her you were likely just frustrated because it took you a while to fix it, and to just remove the tape." Me, "Ok then, NOW that I know you actually talked with her I will also talk with her about it and why I put the tape on it - frustration and not listening to us or asking for help." So the convo ended well.
She has a long history of not listening or breaking things that usually I fixed: climbing through her bedroom window instead of using the door, ruining the blinds; taking all the 'play dishware' over to her friends house that I bought them to use in her/sisters playhouse; breaking the pantry door; breaking the large storage drawer in the kitchen; using my garden tools to "play" with including sharp tools (!!); her and her sister constantly using my household repair tools and not putting them back (locks fixed this); breaking her closet door (I did not fix this one, she doesn't have 1/2 a door any longer; and random other things that directly effected me ($$, time, fixing skills, etc.) but no one listened to me saying "don't do this..." So yeah, I don't trust her.
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Locking thermostat cover.
Take away her access and send a message.
Amazon.com: Thermostat Lock Box with Key, Large Clear Thermostat Cover, Wall Mounted Acrylic Thermostat Guard Box, Thermostat Protective Cover Fits Thermostats 6.5'' x 4.72'' x 1.65'' or Smaller : Tools & Home Improvement
Same with your tools. Lock everything up and give her zero access. Unlock only to take something out, hand it to her and tell her to wait until you lock everything else up, then follow her, put her under the hairy eyeball while she uses whatever it is, then herd her back to where it belongg and lock it back up.
I know, overkill. But.... this kid and daddy need clarity and rediculous overkill is what it will likely take to end her either willful damage efforts or her carelessness.
Carelessness was our dad's biggest pet peeve after lying. We made sure to not be careless... or lie. If we had willfully damaged something... oh hell no.
Years ago I did install a
Years ago I did install a programmable thermostat with a key code pass to adjust it after i came home to an 80+ degree house thanks to OSD (was a last strike for them). . Best thing ever. I'm letting YSDs personal thermo go for now. But if I catch it messed with again after another discussion, it's going to be locked up.
The funny thing us she must have been cold because it kept shutting off after a few minutes of run time.
Note I did put locks on the home repair cabinets years ago. Solved the problems. Don't have them on any longer because no one touches the stuff any more, or it gets put back.
I agree that it's about respecting things and responsibility, not about me throwing a fit because I cannot find my hammer.
Exactly!!
"I agree that it's about respecting things and responsibility, not about me throwing a fit because I cannot find my hammer." in my case my scissors!!
But they look at us SPs like we are complicated and uncool because we are just throwing a fit, in their eyes - respect and responsibility (in BPs mind) is not the issue here. So, sometimes I play dumb and "disrespect" the teens SSs stuff, like leaving empty peanut butter and jelly jars in the fridge, or use something in their room and leave it disheveled - all I hear are moans and groans from SSs and the usual teenage "Bruh" ... i giggle and think "how does it feel? ".
Recently I heard one of them - SS19 - calling my SO (their BP) at work to complain on why his bed sheets and covers were off (i slept there due to SO snoring, so I took off all the bedding and put some clean ones for me; and he lives in our house on and off so that night he wasn't home) - LOL!! - he was soooo triggered by that per the way he was very upset and agitated... I thought "welcome to my world of 8 years you little monster!!!"
SO usually justifies this SS19 behaviour with ADHD and Dislexia. I understand he has those issues, but I've seen him do things and plans with firends that requires lots of attention and focus and CARING - so sometimes I feel ADHD and Dislexia are selective according to his caring about things and laziness level. And SO does not force him to do things and be responsible in the house becasue there is also that lingering fear (and SS manipulation) that the children wont love them... SMH. Am I the only one that sees this stuff? Sometimes I feel I AM the step!!
It's like a pattern with
It's like a pattern with these Skids... laziness, carelessness, self-centered... I had a situation where the blinds in their room fell. I was asked to fix it by my SO. I said NO... after so many times I requested that SO taught these SSs to do minor things around the house. Neither SS fixed the blinds. They were fallen for 5 years. All I heard was them complaining in the morning like morons saying "dude is so bright in here, I can'tsleep". I would repeatedly tell them to fix the blinds which was just hanging them back up. They would say no. Tough luck! Every morning the sun would be in their faces.
Dumb and lazy is a pattern created by the BPs, because they don't have a backbone to teach and discipline the little spawns.
Nailed it!!!
"Dumb and lazy is a pattern created by the BPs, because they don't have a backbone to teach and discipline the little spawns."
She sounds like the Animal Torturer (SD stb 27) she was doing that climbing out of windows thing like a barbarian before she was 7 years old.
I wouldn't wait to give her another chance another vote for a cage around the thermostat. We have heat pumps too although we barely use them for heat just air conditioning but the app can show you an alert you to that zone being meddled with.
Omg the thermostat! We went
Omg the thermostat! We went through the same thing with SD13. SD would complain of being cold/hot while not dressed appropriately. When DS was only a few months old, I went upstairs and found that SD completely TURNED OFF the AC unit in July. It was 85+ degress with a newborn. I flipped out because it can cause SIDS. I immediately swung open SDs door and told her to not touch it again. I was disengaged at this point, but I just had to confront SD13 about it. Since then, I was still finding that SD was messing with the unit some. Problem solved - we got a programmable thermostat with a password. DH also got SD13 a space heater. DH was too scared to confront SD at first, but that is something I draw the line with especially when I'm paying the bill & my son sleeps upstairs too.
Wow same here
... "would complain of being cold/hot while not dressed appropriately" - my SS teen would always complain how hot it was in the house whilst wearing thick sweat pants and his dirty ass hoodie!! I would tell him to go change put on some shorts and a t-shirt - becasue dressed like that in South Florida.. yes you will be hot you moron!!
"DH was too scared to confront SD" - Yep, they BPs are always terrified of confronting their little jewels... it is mind boggling to me.
My OSD would complain about
My OSD would complain about being cold, during the winter, dressed in a t-shirt and leggings. Refused to wear socks, warmer pants or a sweater. Too bad then. DH bought a couple space heaters because poor thing just couldn't wear something appropriate. I made sure that heater had auto turn off and unplugged it when she was gone.
Sounds like one of my tenants
That is getting the old heave ho. Dead of winter going around barefoot and in shorts complaining about drafts and high utility bills (utility bills are high for EVERYONE).
Also complained about GETTING THE WRONG MAIL! LOL.
After SD turns 18
Graduated high school. She is out. Never to sleep at your home again. If she can't respect your rules and you dont want to play her game . She can see her DF at McDonald.
Oh she's going to college,
Oh she's going to college, she'll be gone this summer, likely out of state. She's super smart academically but her other skills not so much.
She's not bad overall, it's just the dumbfounding things that happen are just stupid.
I truly hope that her college
I truly hope that her college experience is a positive and successful one.
Naive kids away from home for the first time usually fall into one of three results categories. 1. Run amok, party, and chase dates while school is an abject failure because the kid rarely if ever goes to class. 2. Balance it all and do okay. 3. Run home screaming to mommy and daddy because the laundry does not do itself the Profs are mean, the room mate is a partier and boning a new lover in the dorm room every night, etc.....
I had both 1 & 2 in my college career.
Interestingly, a coworker that I made friends with many years after my results category 1 stage of college turned out to be married to someone I was in school with my Freshman year of University. She was a solid category 3 college experience person.
She left before the end of the year because her room mate was a partier and had a number of lovers cycling through their dorm room regularly. My friends DW was a very sheltered highly moral person who absolutely could not adapt to a university environment.
Even a couple of decades later she was mostly a shut in. When their son was born, when they were in their mid 30s, she had a pram and not a stroller with an integrated car seat. Loading the kid in the car, tryhing to fit the pram/baby carriage in the trunk, loading and unloading groceries was painful to watch her do. She would not accept help. She would mow their yard with their child on her back. He was a monster sized baby and toddler. She was a petite lady. It looked like she was carrying a 10yo on her back.
Very nice people. Though very suspicious of anyone and everyone.
I was shocked at how almost 20 years later she had not changed a bit from Freshman year.
I'm hoping she finds her
I'm hoping she finds her people at college. She's so socially awkward, she's for sure to have roommate and socializing issues right off the bat. However she is looking forward to college and seems exited about it. It will force her to grow up. If she comes back it will be to BMs...unless I've just jinxed it.
SS19 who graduated HS with
SS19 who graduated HS with honors - even though his laziness reaked.
Fastforward two years in College: one year without doing laundry, has made BPs pay for 3 apartments and a dorm because of impulse decisions and Disney parents catering to it (they've los to a tune of 12 thousand dollars in these housing maneuvers in only 2 years!). After being socially akward, now joined the frat and joined the beer cans and the weed.
First year, he was booored, flunked a class twice lost the chance for Computer Science major and decided he wanted a lazy ass carrier that is TOLERABLE and EASY (in his whinny voice)... mind you this was the "Honor Roll" student second in his HS class, valedectorian in Middle school.
In many ways I was that kid.
In many ways I was that kid.
First in my HS class, college entry into the honors Pre-Med program, early acceptance to Princeton (I did not want to work that hard so I went West). My first semester University GPA was ...... 0.00. Mainly because I just did not go to class. Same classes 2nd semester.... 4.0. That pissed my parents off more than the 0.00.
11yrs, 7 different schools and 7 different majors I finally finished my BSEE. I did start a company in my early 20s amd ran it for 6yrs before selling to my partners.
It was not that I was searching for an easy career. I just had zero focus and after 3yrs in Military School for HS, there were zero controls and structure which I took complete and total advantage of my first 2yrs of Uni.
No laundry, dorm or housing issues. That part of Military School stuck with me. Most likely because young women do not want a greasy stinky guy asking them out.
And... my first two years were in a State with a 19yo drinking age so clubs were a big part of my routine. Lots of dancing and drinking.