SD11 to help around house? HA!
So DP said the other day, "Yeah it's reaching critical mass with SD11 and cleaning."
She's spending more time here and more time alone here with zero responsibility. I've made it clear I am not a maid and have been doing well NOT helping with her mess.
Today DP comes upstairs with his arms full of glassware from SDs rooms. Me, "What are you doing? That's their stuff they need to clean it not you. How in the world are they supposed to learn if you keep doing it for them...oh 'daddy will do it no big deal...'" DP, "yes you are right I've got to stop that."
Then, DP, "We need to figure out a way to get SD11 involved in cleaning."
Me, "ha, ok...she already indicated she's willing to help load/unload dishwasher so we can work on that. But a maybe we should reaaallllly be nice to her and sweet talk her isn't working..." Because it's not.
DP, "You know we have to be careful in how we get her to do things, don't get all pissy with me!"
You know because we cannot upset or have her angry at any cost!
Me, "Hey, I'm not saying yell at her or put her in a corner (although sitting in a corner may be a good thing IMHO) but find her weakness (thank you ST!). If she refuses to do something we ask then take away all electronics for a while. If we have to work longer due to her mess and we lose OUR free time why should she benefit at our cost?!"
DP, "Ok that's something to think about."
Any bets whether anything will happen?
I'm guessing I will start scaling back help with SD11 more and more...
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He's afraid to upset her "at
He's afraid to upset her "at all costs"? Nope, no fucking way is he ever going to make her clean anything.
Either she's pissed or "it's
Either she's pissed or "it's too smelly" (taking out trash) it's gross (separating her recycle and trash from her bedroom, in which it shouldn't be gross b/c food isn't allowed in rooms) it's too heavy (because she feigns feebleness) or she's too busy (on electronics).
And she gets away with it.
Another example where people
Another example where people reep what they sow. If you do everything for them when they are little they arent going to understand that they are supposed to start doing things for themselves.
Naturally there are some tasks that parents (steps) whoever is the care giver, is better off doing alone. But general day to day cleaning, to me, kids should be involved in from when they are little.
SD4 has to help out here, small things; making sure her washing is in the washing basket, making her bed, tidying up her bedroom before bedtime. She helps with the washing up (we have one of those double sinks so she does the cutlery in one sink whilst my fiance does the rest in the other).
Personally Id be leaving daddy dearest to deal with it himself, reality is she is going to get upset/pissed about having to do stuff for herself because hes let her get to 11 years old without lifting a finger. But you know what is funny? When it becomes irritating enough for him to be doing 100% of cleaning he will be happy to upset her because...its not fair. And the whole cycle starts over lol
Exactly. He is getting there
Exactly. He is getting there slowly.
I don't do much for her on day to day stuff and I make sure she cleans her stuff up in the kitchen unless it's over the top disaster then I bring in DP. He's trying to figure out how to get her to clean her room. It is a gross mess. I leave that alone. He can't put down rules for her and I don't think he ever will. He cannot deal with her being angry. However, when he's pushed, and I've seen it happen several times then watch out. He needs more of that...
I am so far glad that she seems to understand what I expect and obliges for the most part, sometimes with grumbling. But I think she knows things disappear if she doesn't take care of it....
yeah, yeah! I know! It ended
yeah, yeah!
I know! It ended up being ok in the end because I stopped myself from talking more.
YES, DP does the same thing when we have SDs! He's "SO TIRED" it's "TOO MUCH" - and gets cranky. I don't point out any longer WHY it's too much; he's starting to see and I need to shut up.
Thank you for the reminder!