This turkey kept her beak shut this time (edited: who washed the pans)
So, the other night, we made a nice little meal of steak and lobster that I had purchased for us to eat as a family. Husband cooked but I bought. Supposedly SD15 was to do the dishes, which she did. But dishes to me inlcude pots and pans and all the other stuff used to prepare the meal...but Husband told me he told her he would do them. I asked why. Because shes "not ready" he replies. Well, this 15.5 year old will soon be old enough to take a driving permit test and to start driving, but shes not capable of washing pans. I kept my beak shut.
So. Husband coddled SD22 Feral Forger and hasnt learned his lesson yet. I kept my beak shut.
Last night, we spent a few hours and I did a grocery store run to make an abbreviated version of turkey dinner - mashed potatoes gravy and the Bird. 15 year old SD was in her room the entire time. Maybe working on homework. Maybe not. I kept my beak shut. Called her for dinner once. Minutes go by, we stare at each other, get our platters heaped with steaming yummies (home made giblet gravy that was so deliious Im drooling right now thinking about it). Husband yells to sd15, "dinners ready, come here" She almost to point of screaming yelled back "okkkaaaaaaaay I said I was having dinner later!!!!!!"
Granted it was a late dinner. 9:30. Well, after we stuffed ourselves I told husband "Im putting this all away now she can figure it out for herself". I wrapped up everything. 10 rolls by and then we are watching our progams digesting the food and then ready for bed. 10:45 and she pops out, and asks husband where is the food, and he directs her. No "hello clove" just belly up to the table and stuffs herself. Yeah. I kept my beak shut.
What I wanted to say:
"Hubsand you have coddled your eldest and look where and who she is NOW. Are you trying for a second mistake? SD15 needs to be allowed to do things it will help her grow and learn and mature. Husband, we need to require Sd to sit at the dinner table with us. to honor our time and efforts, and the meal itself. If she cannot and will not do that, kitchen closes at 10"
Edited to add: I did not get any thank yous for steak and lobster meal. I was the one who cleaned up the Turkey dinner dishes as well as the pans from the night before. No thank yous for anything lately. Just makes me sad that she is sounding like Feral Forger did at her age, doing bare minimum like her, and I cannot mention anything. To those that said "sounds like our teens", when I asked her to postpone her shower so I could get ready for work, because its the same bathroom, got an attitude and yelling thorugh the door. Husband saw this. And did nothing.
I kept my beak shut.
- CLove's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
"Not ready" to wash pots and
"Not ready" to wash pots and pans at 15? That's nuts. They're not breakable. I was cooking whole meals at 12.
I don't get your DH, I really don't.
Me niether
Right? Its like lets keep her to the same responsibilities at 15 that she had at 12.
My 7 year old had to help
My 7 year old had to help wash up from thanksgiving! And regularly does dishes (at least empties the ones he can reach/aren't breakable). He's half her age! Your DH is so enabling!
shes 15.5
less than half.
I just give up
Good for you. Now stop caring
Good for you. Now stop caring how she turns out and set any other boundaries you need to set for yourself.
give up
Ive given up on everything
Clove I'm going to be honest.
Clove I'm going to be honest... what you described sounds like typical teenage behavior. They yelling dinner is ready and getting that response is nothing to stress over... that's a common occurance here and in other households.
You know how many 2nd, 3rd, 4th times SO and I yelled "Dinner is ready!!" Haha. Too many!!
If DH wants to show her where the fridge is... let him.
I could hear SS17 asking the same exact question if he came to eat an hour later. He's just an air head sometimes though..
That may be true now, but my
That may be true now, but my parents would not have tolerated it. Nor would my DH with SS. So some of it may be that your SO also doesn't set limits on his kids effectively.
I think this isolated story
I think this isolated story is normal teen behavior. If it was every meal etc that's different. I think we seem to dissect things in step situations way more then in nuclear families.
I didn't touch about the dishes because that was plain ridiculous... SO makes skids wash pots and pans lol.
I would not have gotten away
I would not have gotten away once with what SD15 did in this situation, nor would my SS. I'm guessing this isn't the first time she's behaved this way. If you feel this is "normal", then it may be normal for your home, but I'm not convinced it's normal for teens whose parents address this sort of behavior.
Its been sporadic
We dont always have sit together meals. sometimes we just "forage" at our own pace.
But she typically will tell us in a normal voice.
She sounded very snotty and snarky. If I did that my parents would have said something.
Its in step situations that things get screwed up. Because my mother was the dominant parent. So without having the ability to parent, shes left with a father who is afraid to parent and has a gaping wound where his eldest is concerned.
No, it's with weak parents
No, it's with weak parents that things get screwed up.
My parents would have said something
They taught us to respect. Meal times were when we got together and we showed appreciation.
No more lobster for kiddo on my dime.
Same here. If either of them
Same here. If either of them can't be at the dinner table they had better have an iron-clad excuse (last time it was one daughter who had a video conference about entry to university).
It's hard when you have cared
It's hard when you have cared for so long to shut it off, but that's what you have to do. Apparently TT and DH's position on paretning is free range and let the chicks figure it our for themselves.
Free range
And then coddle so they dont figure it out, or they do figure it out - how to do minimum and get others to do the rest.
You're doing better
Good job on that beak. You're doing better!
All parents of teenagers are thinking those thoughts when they see the careless, stupid behavior. And, just because FF turned out so poorly thus far, doesn't mean Munchkin will.
I was thinking last night about 2 of my GKs. GD38 was so immature, Peter Pan in her 30's. A divorce, unstable jobs, floating thru life. Now she has a good job, boyfriend and is taking responsibility for helping her mother who's facing more back surgery. A miracle. GS27, an intelligent person, dropped out of high school! Lived with pals, dabbled in drugs, had some minor police trouble. A few years ago, he moved back with DD, took online classes to earn an IT degree, got a job in another city and bought a house. Now I hear he's going for a Master's degree. Another miracle, thank you, God.
I'm bragging here but my point is the story isn't over for Munchkin. She sounds like a typical teenager and I think she will turn out ok.
I dont know JRI.
You were the parent there right?
Im having little to no influence I feel.
I wasn't the parent to the GKs
I was just trying to say our fears about them as they exhibit teenage behavior is often misplaced. Many (not all) of these kids mature into responsible adults, no matter how feeble they looked. Hugs to you, Clove.
Not ready to wash pots and
Not ready to wash pots and pans? Jesus, she's never going to move out, then, she will never be ready.
What's wrong with your husband?
I would have had a comment, for sure.
Did he wash the pots and pans?
Pots and Pans and ladle oh my
No he did not. I did ALL clean up.
I am resentful because I need to do other chores, and get to the gym, and after all the dinner fixing and washing and cleaning I have no more energy after working all day to take care of myself.
Dear lord why did YOU wash
Dear lord why did YOU wash them? If it's my DH's day to wash up after my food prep then HE does them. I have let them sit there for DAYS AND DAYS festering before. I will do them if they start stinking, but then DH has to cook to make up "my time" covering for him.
Let them sit. It will drive you bonkers. OR what I did in the past was wash them, then put them away in a box; no one cares? Then no one wants the pots.
BTW: my SD15, stb 16, does not wash up after meals. Nor does she really have to do anything regarding dinner prep. One of the big reasons I do not cook when she's here unless I want something very specific. And I only cook, I do not set the table or clean up for anyone else.
Oh no - the edit
Do NOT wash the pans for him again. She washes him, or he washes them. Not you.
After last night and night before
I have zero desire to cook and prepare and buy meals for either of them the rest of her week with us. But Im almost thinking to make a point I will prepare simple meals and ask SD15 to help in prep work as well as cleaning. Because he is not doing this. And knowing Ill get an attitude, just ride it out. Or I just prepare meals for myself, and let them figure it out. When I do this, its very divisive and I feel left out.
Which way should I go?
NO, don't ask SD anything.
NO, don't ask SD anything.
Tell DH that either he makes her do the dishes, or he does them himself. And if you don't want to cook for them this week, SAY SO. "DH you and SD didn't help with cooking or cleaning the last two nights, so I'll be cooking for myself and you two are on your own for the rest of the week.
I totally do not want to cook for either of them
And its only Thursday.
Then don't. That's what I
Then don't. That's what I meant about boundaries for yourself. Tell DH you are annoyed about what happened, so he can either cook for everyone, arrange take-out for everyone or make everyone fend for themselves.
Why are you thinking of
Why are you thinking of asking SD.. you are still blaming her instead of your husband. This blog was about how SD hurt you by not eating your meal... stop putting so much thought into teenage SD and way more foucs on your lazy husband.
Sorry for the honesty.
What I would do
I'd prepare my nice meals. Then smile, get up and say, "Your turn, guys". DH and Munchkin can figure it out. Maybe they can bond over the dishes. I'd do this every time.
Yes
Does DH normally clean up after you cook when B/M isn't there? If not - that needs to be the new house rule.
Our rule is whoever doesn't cook dinner cleans up. I cook 90% of the time so SO cleans up. Sometimes he'll surprise me with making dinner and I'll then clean up after.
We take turns.
My rule I grew up with is "the cook doesnt clean up". We normally alternate, unless Husband has some extra work to do. Or we will tag team it - I purchase, prepare veggies, he cooks meat, and Ill do salad or whatever.
Then its always stressful when there is silence after when SD15 B/M is there. And an argument. I will walk away more.
Her thing to avoid doing all dinner dishes is to eat separately.
But then to me whats the point of having custody.
I dont like everyone eating separate meals, no matter who it is.
But - not your kid. So if DH
But - not your kid. So if DH is okay with her eating separately, let it go. HE has custody, not you, and he gets to parent as he sees fit. Eating dinner together isn't the most important part of having custody.
Same
I don't like seperate dinners and my family growing up always ate dinner together.
That being said, your DH doesn't really parent in the same manner. He provides (i.e. food and shelter) but doesn't teach (responsibilities and contributing). So if he doesn't want to teach B/M to do dishes than just let him do them the weeks she's there. Or paper plates like AG suggested. Not good for the earth but your sanity is more important!
Mine did too. And when SS was
Mine did too. And when SS was visiting, we did eat with him all together, usually.
Tell DH
DH - I'm really tired. I don't think I have the energy to cook for all of us the rest of this week. Please take care of meals for you and your child. Also clean up since she is 'not ready' for that.
Then you go to the gym and pick up something yummy for yourself on the way home. Yes it is not ideal but you know by now that the happy family sharing stories across the dinner table isn't going to happen.
HUN
I wouldnt bother with the delicious meals anymore when backstabber is there. Or anytime if DH is being a prick.
I would leave all dishes to your DH to wash from now on. If SD15 is too delicate to wash dishes then so are you.
Your kindness shines, but you are using it on the wrong people.
Your people respect, love, and appreciate Clove. Hun remember that.
Velvet Hammer needed on this stone hard head of mine
Thank you. Im still stuck on the no "thank you" for that steak and lobster dinner...
I used to love cooking and
I used to love cooking and eating w/the family. My own sons starting pulling that at her age- eating at different times, not coming when called, etc....I no longer bother to cook like I did, let everyone fend for themselves or cook something, eat if mysel and everyone can eat when they want -I will put it up after an hour if they aren't out and they can do the work to take it out, heat, etc....my husband works 2nd shift so we no longer have dinner together anyways. I can't remember the last time we ate at the table together any of us in a long time. Well Thanksgiving, but my oldest son didn't go and it was at my brothers. It hurt at first and I resented them for it, but it became the 'new normal' much like post covid world- it sucks as* but we adjust. It's a constant it seems to adjust our expectations to our reality. So I get how you feel. Just sending you a hug Clove, you want and deserve better, life just sometimes seems to not give us our due.
Steak and Lobster
Also - save those special meals for the days/weeks B/M isn't there. No need for her to eat so extravagently and then hurt your feelings with being ungrateful.
Make her Hamburger Helper next time!
Yelling through the door
I would NOT let DH get away with this. I would tell him tonight that if he wants B/M to be welcome in your home than he needs to lay down the law that she can't yell at you through a door. Unacceptable especially after B/M claimed you were 'harrassing' her through the door!!
Second thoughts
It was good you kept your beak shut? Yes for disengagement, maybe.
BUT both DH and SD fell short in manners. Thats when you should let it rip. Speak your mind. Never let others feel comfortable disrespecting you. A great quote I read and its true.
Dang it clove steak and lobster for one next time, and leave all the dishes undone.
what does this man bring to
what does this man bring to the table? his daughter is acting this way because he is fine w/ it. he knows you aren't but doesn't care so what are you getting out of all this?
A house I love.
I know this is always the same answer. I get someone to share life with mainly in a positive way.
Maybe Imhyperfocused on this dinner thing.
Sounds like you're
Sounds like you're hyperfocused on that house you love.
CLove, there are many, MANY houses. And plenty you can turn into a house (home) you love without the aggravation of a weak man and the children he (and BM) have stunted.
Actually, I do understand. No
Actually, I do understand. No relationship is like anyone else's. It comes down to both parties being happy w/ the relationship they've formed.
And I understand the hyperfocused on this too. Because you've been knocked down by them both in the past and in a way you'd like to be appreciated. So you cool off a bit, then you try and hope it will go better. And that's not wrong. Everyone hopes a bad situation improves and things change.
I just hate seeing you hurt over and over again. At some point you have to stop being a weeble and trying again.
DipshidiotHusband should have
Husband should have washed the steak/lobster dinner pots and pans.
As for 15.5yo not being old enough to wash pots and pans? ~eyeroll~ Growing up, the kids in my family got familiar with doing dishes at an early age: at 4yo, you started out drying silverware. By age 12, I was able to:
His excuse of "not old enough" is because he and BM are coddling her and not teaching her the life skills needed to be self-sufficient. The only reasonable excuse for her to be unable to handle the entire kitchen by herself is if she is mentally/physically impaired.
They are all ready for her to
They are all ready for her to drive a car, but poor poopsie can't handle scrubbing a pan. lol. Ridiculous, BUT, he's the parent, so he can do them instead.
he can do them instead
he can do them instead
Those pots and pans would have been sitting in that kitchen until he washed them OR they were too far gone. At which point, I would throw them out and use his money to buy new, top of the line pots and pans and bloody well locked them up. He can have a Texas skillet for cooking. If it's dirty, he can either wash the damn thing or build up his immune system.
Im still stuck on the no
Im still stuck on the no "thank you" for that steak and lobster dinner...
Why are you stuck on that? What has changed that you would expect it? An invasion of the body snatchers?
You are just setting yourself up for disappointment, by both of them.
Stop doing the things that you are not appreciated for. If you love to cook, great, cook, but stop expecting anything in return. Stop paying for steak and lobster, especially when SD is with you.
Disengaging doesn't mean SD gets to treat you however she wants. If she's throwing you attitude about needing the bathroom, when you have a job to get to, you can certainly speak up.
The main point of your disengagement should be the doing things for SD because 1) she doesn't appreciate it, 2) you get your feelings hurt because she doesn't show any appreciation, and 3) you are not her parent, nor do you have your husband's support to parent her. But, you don't have to put up with attitude and snark.
DH
is my main issue. Because I made the mistake of saying something along the lines of "she sounds JUST like Feral Forger SD22 used to at 15 if you ask her to do anything or tell her no", and it hit a sore spot.
I just told her 'hey I do this every day"...meaning use the bathroom we share at the same time exactly EVERY workweek.
Its expected that if I am cooking for myself then Im cooking for all. Ive tried just doing for myself, and it causes arguments.
Working Adult
Gets priority for bathroom usage. That should be a no-brainer and DH should be the one to tell B/M to work around your schedule.
Just because its 'expected' doesn't mean you have to do it. 'DH - I am changing my diet to lose weight and will be eating twigs and berries for dinner. I know you don't like this food so I won't make you any so you're on your own. Oh, and you can take care of B/M's dinner too.' Some arguments are worth having, especially if his 'expectations' are holding you back from making positive changes in your life.
In those instances, did you
In those instances, did you tell him why you were cooking for just yourself?
Clove, if you want anything to change, you are going to have to forge through some discomfort. The fact that an argument ensues because you don't do what HE expects you to do, is bullshit. Did you sign a contract stating that you must cook for all, no matter how they treat you? Don't let him bully you with arguments.
Don't compare SD15 to FF, as it doesn't matter who SD15 sounds like or where she picked up her bad habits; she is a teenager who needs parenting. Period.
Expectations
You wrote: Its expected that if I am cooking for myself then Im cooking for all. Ive tried just doing for myself, and it causes arguments.
Well, your DH has no issue with not meeting your expectation that your culinary efforts will be appreciated and acknowleged and that you will have help with the clean up.
Why should your DH's expectations be met and not yours?
Spot on, hereiam. When I was
Spot on, hereiam. When I was fully disengaged, manys the time I had a delicious dinner (steak, seafood) while DH and the SSs ate carryout pizza or some ickle frozen dinner. I did my dishes; DH washed theirs.
Velvet Hammer needed on this
Velvet Hammer needed on this stone hard head of mine
One Velvet Hammer coming up:
VELVET HAMMER
LOL thanks!
HAH. Ill need it.
Making plans for the weekend that do not include either of them.
OMG
That sounds heavenly!!!
Clove, you have gotten some
Clove, you have gotten some good advice here from everyone.
Unfortunately, it does seem like a big problem is a lazy father/partner that is not interested in encouraging better of his children. Now, that, in itself, doesn't spell a doomed future.. but it doesn't help.
I know you are dabbling in disengagement.. and you have a hard time going all in because you really do want that "family" feel in your home. So, you forge forward with family meals that are extravagent by most people's standards for weeknight dining. But, it seems that while your DH and SD do enjoy eating the food, they aren't as invested in doing "family dinners".. he is fine if she grabs her meal later etc...
I will just put some points of observation/advice below that may or may not be useful.. but anyway.
1. I saw in one post here you don't think you are making an impact on Munchkin. I think you are actually wrong. Sometimes raising a teen is like throwing the seeds, fertilizer over the fence.. tossing water over occasionally and not knowing whether your work is producing any effort until you take the fence down later in the year to find out if you actually produced any vegetables. As a teen and young adult that didn't always do the straight and narrow responsible thing.. (despite having parents that were very expecting good behavior and results)... I still absorbed the lessons and heard my parents. Now, it may not have been until I was older that I totally saw the wisdom of their rules.. and acted more responsibly.. but she listens to you.. she talks to you.. she uses you as a sounding board. While she may be a crappy teen a lot.. I do think underneath it all she does value your opinion and she hears your advice.. whether she listens and follows through all the time or not.
2. Find your hill to die on with the meals. Perhaps the fact that these nice spreads are so frequent.. the specialness is lost to them.. they lose the appreciation. Also, while I'm sure she knows that steak and lobster are nice foods.. she may have no idea exactly HOW expensive and what a big deal it is for them to be on the table. Your DH certainly should have been making the proper.. "wow.. munchkin.. isn't the steak and lobster good?? we are so lucky thanks Clove for getting this!"...
For "family meals".. adjust your expectations downward. Perhaps pick one day that will be the easiest and least busy for people to sit down together for that one meal.. make it known in advance you are planing a special meal and that you expect attendance from everyone.. or it won't be repeated in the future. then the rest of the days? just regular with no standing command to arrive at the dinner table. I know as a teen we didn't have set meal times most of the week.. just sunday supper was family time.
3. When your DH said he would clean the dishes/pots.. you should have held his feet to the fire on that. That's on you for a soft boundary when you saved him by doing them. Maybe if he is stuck with that more often he will encourage her to do them.. .when you do them anyway.. no incentive for him to change.
4. Bathroom situation... do you just have one bathroom in the house with a shower? If so, and if your schedule is pretty set, perhaps posting it on the door so she knows when open times are? If there is another bathroom in the house.. then it seems fair that one of you could use the other in a pinch. I'm assuming she was getting ready for school.. and you for work.. so that can create a crunch.
Just remember... you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. You can be a literal June Cleaver and your DH and SD may not appreciate your efforts. BUT also keep in mind that just because she can be self absorbed and lazy at times.. that doesn't mean she necessarily has no future.. she has certainly seen the failure of her older sister and she certainly can't be looking forward to THAT.. haha
Reply...
Thank you for your well-though out comment.
1. I think that I at my heart know this. But that sniveling shadow side wants to somehow benefit from it sooner before later, and it seems this past 8 plus years only Toxic Troll and husband have been benefiting. And Sd15 herself.
2. I wondered about that and agree that sounds reasonable - since she doesnt have to work for anything, she doesnt appreciate the work that we do for anything. She cannot relate in that teenage brain and no one is teaching those lessons. The specialness is completely lost on her. Frustrating. Super frustrating. Just a few months ago, she was saying "thank you', and marveling at how well we eat...but its hit and miss at this point. So, the solution is as you say, pick a "special day" for a special meal. And kitchen still closes at 10.
3.Agree. Its on him.
4. Its a 3 bed 2 bath and the 1 is in the master bath. I keep all my cosmetics and hair dryer etc in the "main' bathroom across the hall. Ive had the same schedule for 3 years. She RARELY showers, and I suggested she shower the night before so no clashes, but she states its too much trouble to dry her hair at night.
She doesnt really see the big picture like that because she talks and speaks and acts like she is the superior person to her sister. But her sister didnt go from here to there instantly, it was incrementally. Step by step...her blue print is the same...
I don't really agree with
I don't really agree with number 1. As a stepparent I feel I've had little to no influence on SS21, no matter how hard I tried. Perhaps she picks up a snippet or two from you, but honestly, you have to just accept that she IS NOT YOUR KID. TT will ALWAYS have a closer relationship with her, regardless of how awful TT is. Maybe when SD15 is older she will appreciate some of what you've taught her, but older older, like 40 - so stop waiting for the day that she says, "OMG, you've been such a better mom than my own." if it comes, it comes. If it doesn't, it doesn't. But it won't be coming any day soon.
just accept that she IS NOT
just accept that she IS NOT YOUR KID. TT will ALWAYS have a closer relationship with her, regardless of how awful TT is.
Spot on, tog. It is THE reason why I maintain my mantra of 'Constant Vigilance!' around the skids - especially the SDs. I will never stop expecting the time to come when BioHo will once again convince them I'm the evil SM and they will flock to her and shun me. I just keep being me. If I'm a good influence, that's nice. If I'm a bad influence, tough gazongas. They are adults with free will. Their problem if they are incapable of recognizing bad from good OR make the decision to chose bad over good. Not my circus, not my monkeys. CLove needs to stop trying to make B/M her monkey. B/M is her H's monkey and he is responsible for monkey training.
Right - I mean, it's MOM. The
Right - I mean, it's MOM. The attachment we all have to our mothers is a powerful one. And the more dysfunctional she is, the harder it is to grow up and break free because she's got her tendrils all wrapped around you keeping you held tight. Even if they like SM very much, Mom is MOM, period.
Yep. Even when there are no
Yep. Even when there are no steps involved. My DH feels an obligation to his mother for that reason: it's MOM. Does he love her? No. He doesn't even like her. But she's his mother so he does his duty.
Clove, you are too submissive
Clove, you are too submissive and need to stand up for yourself more.
I sense you have low self esteem?
Everything you post about your H makes me seethe with anger. I think you need to leave him and begin again on your own. Work on yourself before starting any new relationship, because chances are that you will just pick another shitty loser bully like your current H.
I'm sorry if that sounded harsh ...
Weird
Because Im rather pushy and outspoken, normally. I think its tough to get a true sense of a person online in aonymous groups but I also appreciate the stripped down to the real deal part.
Dumping someone you are married to and own a house with is not as easy as that. Im firstly working on myself as far as health and excercise and doing my own thing unattached. Then I am going to seek counseling in 2022. For myself only. Because he refuses. Plus Im having a tough time with just the books dealing with steplife.
Ive got a string of bad pickings. My partner-picker is definitely broken.
Not easy
cLove - no one is saying it is easy. If thats your plan - just don't let him derail you by taking you out for a nice meal or some other token gesture. All the past arguments, the history with FF now repeating itself with B/M - he doesn't learn, grow or change.
He is showing you clearly who he is. Believe him.
Been there, done that, got
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. I divorced psycho exh with a mortgage, shared credit cards, 2 car payments, and 3 skids.
As for your string of bad pickings? You need to sit down and make some lists. What attracted you, what is a turn-off, what compels you to stay, etc. I did that and realized I was picking broken men because *I* felt broken. Once I worked on ME, I was able to get into a healthy relationship with a partner who is an equal. It IS possible to fix your partner-picker if you do the work.
I was picking broken men
I was picking broken men because *I* felt broken.
And certain men pick up on that vulnerability and use it for their own benefit.
Oh, they certainly do! *dash1
Oh, they certainly do! *dash1*
Clove, I think you said
Clove, I think you said earlier in this thread that you left an abusive relationship and moved quickly on to your current one?
So that means you didn't have time to really heal from the previous bad experience.
It's not easy to start again, that's definitely true. I've had to do it in the past and can verify that yes it's tough.
But I think you CAN do it. You come across as a nice, caring and giving person. The right man will come along (given time) and he'll be a lucky man, to have you.
Stay strong.
Nicely said, Kaylee.
Nicely said, Kaylee.
CLove, we're saying these things to you because we care and you deserve to be treated with the same care, consideration, and love you give to your partner. Give up on FF. Give up on B/M. Give up on your H. But do not give up on yourself. You have the power to change one thing: you. XO
Say they're on their own for
Say they're on their own for meals. Tell them you're focusing on your own diet and healthy eating and can't cook two different dinners...one for you and one for them. Ingrates.
When my ss was 17 and me and hubby had a newborn
Daughter, ss would lay about at home doing nothing but dumping dirty dishes at the sink all day. When they were all used up, you'd think he would clean them but no, he'd get clean ones from the cabinet
as a new mum with a colicky attached baby, i rarely had breakfast or lunch and dinner would be late as hubby worked crazy hrs and would get home late. One day in the morning just before work i snapped!! 2 days of barely 2 hrs sleep and i was passing out because my husband wiuld rather spend the night complaining our baby kept crying while i had to care for her and be in tears
ss had the nerve to tell his dad that he didn't know he had to clean his dirty dishes at age 17. I made it very clear to my husband its not my job to clean up after lazy shits!! Ss told his dad that cleaning his dirty dishes was my job as a stay at home housewife
no, it really isn't!! Not when you come from that lazy useless piece of shit hcgubm who spent her days doing no chores/housework as a stay at home housewife...
Parents enable and encourage crap behaviour when they keep their mouths closed. When my sister in laws found out how ss treated me, they were in ahock and not surprised because thats how they were treated by ss.
Man that sucks!
And here I am complaining about a few pans! Luckily you do not have these cretins in your life any longer.
I understand wanting meals
I understand wanting meals together and your husband being a good parent and loving husband and so on. But for that you have to have a different DH. Not the one you have. I think until you come to accept that you'll not have ideal family picture with this man and your skids, no matter how much you love them, aren't your children you will not be happy. You either have to accept reality or you have to find a different man. You can't change the one you have. It's a waste of time
I suggested before you need to be busy. You might need a more demanding job that perhaps will pay better so you won't need a man. And you got to get busy. I can't imagine cooking elaborate meals from scratch on weeknights, I can barely function after days of work. Get yourself busy with anything else. You'd have less desire to please these ungrateful jerks.
I don't know about your house. You described it as small outdated and run down place in desperate need of remodel and repairs. I am not sure what's so special about it? Isn't it where he lived with his ex? Or when they were separated she was visiting him for sex? Gross. Even he said it has too many ghosts. Why are you so in love with it. There are tons of other places you can find
these people treat you poorly but you continue fighting for their love, keep bending backwards. It's so not worth it. more you do less they respect you
And to break a cycle of going for wrong men you got to see a good therapist. Now. Not in the future