Throw it down Tuesday
Husband jovially told me this evening on my drive home phone call "oh Im doing xyz drop off here and then I pick up power sulk".
Yep. Same ol same ol. No heads up or discussion just a casual declaration as per usual.
So, I took that bull by its horns (delicately) and threw it down (via text).
I told Husband that I was very surprised that she wanted to be in our dusty ag town through the whole week into the weekend. I mentioned that Im certain its not to wish me happy birthday (first time in 8 years she hasnt at least texted) and then proceeded to tell him that I will not ask for chores or anything of her through him or otherwise.
I will not do for her for anything, that includes rides when he is buzzed. He wants to alert her dinner is ready he does it himself.
I WILL have high boundaries and am taking her statements seriously - anyone that shoves their camera in my face aggresively and then threatens CPS - we are DONE.
I then told him that I will remain prioritised through her visit. As his equity life partner I will remain at spouse status and she will remain at child status. That means whatever he thinks that means.
Ive been really mad this past few days. Reading and re reading comments and then others stories...
Another week of whatever, but I am NOT walking on effing eggshells and will not be held a prisoner in my own home with threats.
But conversely I am looking at the recording thing. And will have my phone on standby. I know the drill. All her shenanigans happen when husband is sleeping, or not in the room. Ergo hertofor if I am in the same room I will be silent as the grave. I used to consider that shunning, and have had talks with her about that, but at this point all bets are off. Im not going to "make nice" with a manipulative powersulking bully.
Friends, send me your prayers and good ju ju for this week.
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Wishing you the best possible
Wishing you the best possible week Clove and sending alcohol and snacks.
Prayers and JuJu on their way.
Take care of you.
You may want to consider ordering wireless webcams/microphones for same day delivery and cover PS's bullshit behavior when daddy is out of the room.
She will ply her usual crap. As past behavior is the best predictor of future performance.
She hides her crap, you present it to daddy so he can no longer delude himself about her and she can't lie about it.
walk away.
walk away.
when she slithers into a room you're in, finish what you're doing silently and power walk away. she leaves dishes in the sink, take clean ones out for yourself and put only your own in the dishwasher. wipe around her craptacular. walk around her snail trails. keep a pleasant look on your face as if she's a stranger you're moving around in the grocery store. if she speaks directly to you, use one word answers and remember 'no' is a word. if you're trapped in the house with her, I think you have a sudden urge to go to the library for that book you plan to dive into. if she asks for a ride, "your dad will be home/get up/show up/be done fishing soon" if she asks for a favor "I'm not able to do that. your dad will be around soon" do not lap up her crumbs of manipulation.
when in doubt ... ask us before reacting.
This!
All day long! Take notes, CLove. This is great advice!
Yep. I 99% of the time walk
Yep. I 99% of the time walk away from SSstb20. We rarely speak but if he is talking to SO and half the time it's complaining about work or something else about himself I just get up and leave.
You can do this, it's hard I
You can do this, it's hard I know but don't let a teenager bully you in your own home.
"anyone that shoves their
"anyone that shoves their camera in my face aggresively and then threatens CPS - we are DONE."
this is what caused me to cut ASS out of my life in my own home when he was 17/almost 18 and DID call CPS to complain about DH and me. It was a few months before ASS graduated from high school and the thing that finally pushed DH over the edge, too - resulting in DH telling ASS he would not be allowed to live in our house if he didn't go to college.
Set your boundaries HARD and stick to them!!
I'd also add that I felt that
I'd also add that I felt that in my soul when you said
This guilt riddled Disneyland dad pulls these same shenanigans then wonders why sex is off the table 29 days out of the month.
I think deep down they know their kids are horribly behaved and have minimal to no home training and they're unpleasant to live with. That's why it's like a "you have no choice but to lock in with me and deal with my horribly behaved kid that I'm to pretend to be delusional and chose to think my kid is a perfect angel so I don't have to parent properly or deal with any step parent pushback"
Wow, the little chit must be
Wow, the little chit must be a glutton for abuse wanting to return so quickly to your house of horrors. Either that or she enjoys bullying you. Think on that: She. Enjoys. Bullying. You.
Gross. Stear clear of her. Find somewhere else to stay. Shun her and deprive her of the sadism she enjoys so much. Good manners are off the table.
I'm thinking life on the
I'm thinking life on the beach w/ mommy dearest isn't so grand now that the money's been spent.
EXACTLY!!!! Like why
EXACTLY!!!! Like why voluntarily return to a house that you claim is worthy of calling CPS?
Make it make sense....
My take on it...
She expected some kind of repercussions, and none came, so now she is engrossed in whatever drama her friends are going through.
She spent the ENTIRE night talking and laughing and giggling loudly in her room.
The issue was she just wants me to "leave her alone", and not have to deal with me nor deal with chores or expectations of getting a job or a permit.
Which now she is assured that I will not expect anything and certainly not want idle chit chat. She will be left completely alone by me, and I wont even ask anything to be completed through her father. She might even have more fun times with dad taking her out to different festivals or a lunch or dinner.
I have absolutely no idea whats going on at her mothers, but Im sure there is something or some kind of drama. It could just be that the dog is too needy and mother doesnt do anything and expects her to do everything for the dog over there. And housework.
All I know it its not my concern, except I do feel better when she isnt there.
Correct me if I am wrong, but why do you wait to
say things over text when you were on the phone or were in person with DH instead of on the phone/in person? I feel like I have read it quite often that instead of confronting the issue when it is said, you later text him about it?
If you are doing it so you have it in writing to reference later so he can't say you didn't say it, I get it, but that is also very concerning that you have to do it that way.
Concerning
yes, you are correct - its ALL concerning.
I just feel like if I write it out, he can pay attention better. And I express myself better, with editing.
PLUS, it takes me some time to respond and often he is in someone elses company when on the phone with me, or I am on speaker phone.
Additionally, I dont have to deal with his emotional reactions. It takes the emotion out of it which is what I am trying to do.
I just told him, Ive been through 8 years of hell, and I love him, but I cannot do this drama anymore.
Have you discussed this with your therapist
confronting your DH over text versus in person? In my personal opinion if my spouse confronted me majority in text and not face to face then I wouldn't take his texts as seriously if he couldn't have a face to face conversation about it. It just doesn't seem super healthy and the best way to communicate.
I mean I do understand doing it over text, I HAVE done it, but when dating someone, not when married unless it is something time sensitive, but even still we discuss in person later.
Did the face to face last night...
See my post today - Pineapple Express.
I did the face to face and he told me he heard everything that went on and agreed that she was agressive and that was unacceptable. His only solution was "I talked to her strongly".
I also mentioned HIS treatment of me, and where he needs to change things because treating me like a child is unacceptable and he needs to treat me like his spouse or I will not continue things. I fully intend to move myself into power sulks room if I have to. Im no longer afraid to call them out on their chit.