You are here

RIP to ... Disengagement?

CLove's picture

Ok, folks, so I have some things weighing heavily on my mind.

SD15 backstabber's bunny crossed the rainbow bridge today.

The last bunny that did this, it was from Toxic Trolls apartment, and we buried it in the backyard. Tears and all that.

This one is an older bunny, and again there will be tears.I merely said "Im really sorry".

I am disengaged, so I doubt that I will want to participate in another tear-filled Bunny Crossing. Or I guess this supercedes the disengagement manifesto?

Another thing is on my mind.

Its something Ive always read on here and now I get to experience it for myself.

Toxic Troll texted that Sd15 BBER has been feeling faint. That it "almost happened" and the nurse said she might be anemic. Well, hmmmm she doesnt go outside for over a year, is now going outside and all that. Shes obese. So going 0-100 in less than 2 weeks...

Toxic Troll demanded that DH buy some iron suppliments and that he makes sure she eats breakfast, because she might have low blood sugar.

To me its all drama and its her trying to dictate and control and also just her making digs at DH that he didnt know all these details and that he is a bad father (I know how you all feel...but anyway). SD15 claimed that she only felt faint once when TT said it was "three x's in a month". She hasnet mentioned being light-headed while at our home.

No one is worried except me, because Toxic Troll is a charter member of the "Disease of the Month Club". Byt the time Feral Forger SD22 was 15, she was on allergy meds, GERD meds, and anit-anxiety meds. So shes got some catching up to do with SD15 Backstabber.

Another space where I am disengaged, sort of. Ive not involved myself in any grocery shopping or cooking and certainly havent made any breakdfast or purchased any suppliments. Ive done that in the past and look where it got me...exactly no where...!

So...well, RIP bunny bun bun...

Comments

caninelover's picture

To me disengagement doesn't mean unkind...so I would attend bunny funeral session if DH and B/M wanted me to.  I would not however try to fix things or get her another bunny, that is DH's issue to deal with.

Regarding groceries and breakfasts -  again let DH deal with it for B/M.  If he wants to follow TT's orders that up to him.  But I wouldn't put myself in that position again, of doing the parental chores without any respect or appreciation for it.

ndc's picture

With regard to the bunny funeral, I would probably attend if asked, but I wouldn't be buying/making the casket or giving the eulogy.

Food and breakfasts - leave it to DH and B-Stab.  They're both old enough to manage it and it's his kid so he can pay for the food.

With regard to B-Stab feeling faint - I agree with you, and it's probably that she hasn't been doing anything and she's obese.  The nurse has no idea if she's anemic or not.  There are any number of things that could cause faintness (for instance, I have low blood pressure and I get lightheaded when I stand up too quickly and I fainted when I was pregnant and had even lower blood pressure).  Without a blood test to check her iron levels, it's silly to decide that iron deficiency is the cause.  I wouldn't run out and get iron supplements if I was your DH - they can cause constipation and other stomach problems.  Now, what he might want to do is make sure the kid sees a doctor, especially if she hasn't been in a while, or encourage her to lose weight.

bananaseedo's picture

Yes, what should happen is a Dr appt - Iron pills are brutal.  It's possible she is if she has heavy periods.  I can't do iron pills and was super anemica recently requiring iron infusions.  I'd attend the funeral if asked and as you said, leave the rest for him.

thinkthrice's picture

For do not orchestrate anything.  Do not plan; arrange or do anything from the "driver's seat."  You are the passenger.  Do not steer, accelerate, signal nor brake.

Kes's picture

No way would I participate in the bunny funeral.  And frankly, it's not up to a parent, IMHO, to supervise a 15 yr old's breakfast - my bios were making their own when they were much younger than 15.   BM is just yanking his chain. 

justmakingthebest's picture

It's hard to lose a pet, even an old one that isn't "unexpected". I would participate in a bunny funeral if it is going ot happen.

As for the iron... have her eat more dark green veggies. She doesn't need a supplement, she needs colorful foods! The best advice I ever got  is from my daughters neurologist when we were dealing with her having debilitating migraines. Your plate should be a rainbow! Bright and colorful! Fresh fruits and veggies are key. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

This may not be true. There are folks who are chronically anemic who need iron supplements or infusions (my boss is one of those people). Whether SD needs a supplement or just a better diet (or both) is really something the doctor needs to share with BOTH parents, and CLove's DH should follow up with the doctor because iron isn't something to eff with.

justmakingthebest's picture

That is true... Chances are with this BM, who is so much like the BM I deal with, it was a one off situation and nothing really needs to be done but BM is jumping at the chance for attention from a new doctor and to make herself relevent in her ex Husband's life again. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

Disengagement = stepping back from parenting and leaving that to the parents. Whether you have a personal relationship with the SK after disengagement is not a product of disengagement itself, but a product of what the SP and SK want.

I think Tog was a good example of someone who was disengaged but friendly with her SS. She didn't get involved in anything related to parenting her SS, but she would chat with him and have generally good times with him when he was around. It was surface-level due to the PAS he experienced, but she wasn't cold to SS.

Now, you may feel differently than Tog because of how SD acted. You may not want to participate in SD activities, such as bunny burial, but that should be based off your relationship with her, not disengagement.

The iron pills and medical stuff all falls under disengagement. Your DH needs to handle that however he sees fit.

advice.only2's picture

I think all disengagement has levels.  Having compassion for BBER15 does not mean you are parenting her.  Telling her you are sorry or lending a shoulder to cry on over bunny bun does not equate parenting.  That's just basic human kindness.   As for the medical and nutrition that is completely up to BM and DH.  

thinkthrice's picture

BSM has a horrible diet when with the BM... similar to my skids.   Nothing but junk and fast food.  And wasn't she bunged up for awhile?  That is a telltale sign of bad diet. 

Ispofacto's picture

Iron has to be taken with C for absorbency the same way Calcium has to be taken with D.

As far as disengagement goes, once I realized I lived in a do-whatever-the-eff-you-want household, I just decided to do whatever I wanted.  No obligation to participate in any butt-fockery whatsoever.  I even stopped buying groceries.