OT *trigger warning* DHs good friend arrested for vehicular manslaughter
This is a tough one. He is definitely guilty. But she wasnt at all innocent.
DHs friend from childhood, whom he drops(dropped) in on daily was arrested this past Tuesday, only moments after DH was visiting him at his home in a nearby town. Its on the way home from work and picking up munchkin. Let me begin by saying he is actually nice, and theyve been close friends for 40 years, or more.
4 years ago, he started dating this woman, 10 years his junior, and they fell in love. Unfortunately they also fell into meth and other drugs. He was the primary caregiving to his advanced age mother, as well as executor of her estate, and estate that included some $ as well as the house they both lived in together. So, this woman Ill call "J", she moved in and then shortly after moved a few of her children in as well a friend. The drugs caused DH to not see him during this time, and there was an intervention in there too.
Together, J and DHs friend "P" stole money from the estate, drug dealers were common visitors, and no one could talk to him about the affect of J's dark influence because he was so far down the rabbit hole, and "in love" with J.
One night, almost 2 years ago, J and P were high on meth, had an argument, and P lost control of his vehicle, actually quite close to our house, at around 1 am. J died immediately and P suffered minor injuries. He was let out of the hospital a few weeks later, and then a few weeks later, P, his mother and sister drove to his sisters hom in Tenesee. No word about J or the accident. Just...silence.
P came back to town, clean of drugs, and DH and he restarted their bromance-like friendship with daily visits. Still nothing about the accident. He became something of a recluse and just stayed at home playing video games, and early this year in January, a friend of mine put out a plea for housing. She was desperate and posted on FB that she was living out of her car. We connected her to P, and they became fasst friends.
Cut to now. Its all over the news. Apparently Js mother went to the local police station and pushed for an arrest. The almost 2-year backlog is something of an embarrassment to local authorities and DOJ. Because it wasnt alcohol, the test results had to be sent somewhere else. Because he was in the hospital, the case wasnt processed immediately, etc.
Im of the opinion that although she did bring meth into his life, she was also someones mother, someones grandmother, someones daughter. He needs to pay his debt to society. DH, and Ps friends call her trailer trash nothing, a former prostitute. Like I said, hes defintely guilty, but neither is she innocent.
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That's a sad story. She's
That's a sad story. She's certainly not innocent in general, but he was the one driving the car under the influence.
very sad
Im definitely in shock, but I was waiting for it, for 2 years...
He knows the law and still
He knows the law and still chose to drive while intoxicated, this resulted in the death of another human being, therefore he needs to be held accountable for his actions.
No matter how the victim lived their life, she is still the victim in this scenario. Either way justice will be served I'm sure by way of a jury or by way of a plea deal.
Don't care about her
Don't care about her background and what she is called.
Don't care about his background, friendship, suffering, etc.
Your friend is a grown man, an adult who decided to get behind the wheel in an intoxicated state and caused the death of someone.
No intent is homicide.
He made his choices and needs to deal with the consequences.
Two years later or not, I am sure the statute of limitations has not expired on his crime, however dead people stay dead.
I have no sympathy whatsoever for intoxicated drivers.
(I do feel sorry for their family and friends, but the dead person has family and friends too.)
Tough one and I am sorry you are going through this, but I am all out of tears for people like P.
Im not sad at all for him
Im sad for her family. Dhs friends are sympathetic, and so is DH.
Im so not having sympathy. The guy is a selfish jerk. A whiny baby. He feels remorse becuase she was the "love of his life". It still doesnt make it ok.
I had to explain to munchkin why the mother had him arrested. DH understands my position, and we dont argue about it, Im just shocked about her death all over again.
They both made bad choices.
They both made bad choices. Some people end up getting worse consequences for the same bad choices as another person just because of luck. That's pretty much my take on it.
In general I dont think (some) people take driving under the influence seriously because people do it so often without crashing or anything bad happening. And then they start to think they wont be the one that makes that bad choice and ends up with the more serious consequence.
its amazing
to me that it took so long, for justice and this only after her MOTHER went to the police station.
Yeah that's weird. Was it a
Yeah that's weird. Was it a small town that she was "known" in?
VERY SMALL
population maybe 22k. Everyone knows everyone, since kindergarden, basically. My DH's 97 yo mother lives there, many friends.
Everyone is in a state of shock.
In fact, DH knew J from when they were in high school and she was a prostiute right after graduation, according to him. Her first marrriage was to a well known drug dealer.
The whole thing icks me out.
So basically they probably
So basically they probably didnt bother doing anything because of her reputation
So we live in the same state.
So we live in the same state. When meth mouth drove off a cliff and almost offed herself she was found for driving under the influence. Problem was they found it after the fact and there was a warrant out for her arrest, but they had to find her first.
It took almost six month after her accident that DH finally tipped them off that she would be at a certain place for pickup and drop off that they were able to show up and serve her and arrest her. It took another year for them to finally charge her and sentence her (second DUI in less than three years).
In this case the guy committed the crime and fled the state, he figured by disappearing and with enough time passing as long as the cops didn't know where he was they weren't going to be actively looking for him.
Hate to say it but the more and more you say about this "friend" he sounds like a real POS and it's says something that your DH thinks he's such a great guy.
CA
Yes, he did think that it would all be swept under the rug.
DH doesnt think hes a great guy necesssarily, but theyve been friends for so long, he knows his flaws so well.
Im icked out by this whole thing. It shows the quality of the person.
DH has a wild past himself. Im the straight (er) arrow in our relationship.
This whole story is awful.
This whole story is awful. Her poor family...
Hey Jcksjii. Nothing against you ok?
---- Meth users don't make 'bad choices' they make decisions to use, to cook, to sell, to deliver, to shoot UP.
A bad choice is standing in the wrong aisle at the grocery store.
This young ladies family will never find peace. I know this first hand. As far as the DA taking the case after 2 years. Not surprised---they are building their case to see what may stick. Probably a plea deal and he may be ordered to pay retitution to the family. Not that he will pay it.
In my families case that lady who killed my family member had no car insurance..AND then quit her job, said she had no income OR Money. I found that she married a guy who owns his own business---$$$$ and she has a darn guts to post HAPPY FAMILY photos of her on vacations. Makes me sick.
CLOVE hey I get it this guy is a friend of your dh. Hope his car insurance paid out a hefty death benefit to her family.
No winners here.
Just sad.
Sorry I'm not really
Sorry I'm not really following...are you saying the language isnt harsh enough?
The point I was trying to make is that its unfair that the outcome was worse for her even if they were both guilty of being on meth - in response to her first line about hes definitely guilty but she's not innocent either.
Also, I'm very sorry to hear you've had to go through a loss in your family too
Yes
Its like when someone well-liked accidentally kills someone that was not well-liked and then his friends say "well she was a druggie who dragged him into it (like it was against his will? To steal from his own mother was against his will???) and a prostitute."
Like that somehow lessens the severity of his actions.
Im sorry for your loss
I feel for Js family. It doesnt matter what she did, it doesnt lessen the severity.
So if P killed one of your family members
Thing would be different? Because he killed someone just as high at the time it’s like OK . That not how the law works. It could of been one of your kids or your mother who was hit and killed.
It is hard to accept that one
It is hard to accept that one of our loved ones could be at fault, we want to defend them and see that circumstances conspired against them. But ultimately, he got behind the wheel when he shouldnt have. His recent reclusiveness suggests that he knows this. I hope that he gets a fair trial and a fair sentance and that her family can find some peace.
Trash. Driving high on meth
Trash. Driving high on meth and killing people. It’s a crime. Deserve to rut in jail. He could run a child over or kill another innocent driver and he ended up killing a passenger and the focus is on how his victim did drugs too or was a prostitute or how he is such a great guy and DH and him are such good buddies. Just awful.
Everyone blames her
She drew him into the drug life, she took advantage.
And to top it off, DH is going today to visit and put $$ into an account for him.