I am not a biological mother, but Mother's Day is one of my least favorite, most stressful holidays all year long. My mother always gets a little sad for the loss of her youngest son in '95. Then my brother this year said he was going to come down and cook dinner, and at the last minute bailed.

Then there was a confusion about the child custody schedule - whereby we thought that Mother's Day was OUR day on the schedule, and had not heard about any mothers day plans with Skids. Winona SD18 decided to bail on her mother and spend the weekend with her older cousin, while we were required to drop Munchkin off, not knowing that we were all working off of differing schedules. I understood that yes, Mothers Day is for MOTHERS, but I do not appreciate that no plans were communicated until a text Sunday morning "I want Munchkin here with me"...ok that makes sense but why no communication beforehand? We celebrated mothers day with SO's large family on Saturday, my mother was off to a barbque with a cousin and we were just hanging around trying to get things done.

I am not included in any decisions, I am not included in anything to do with the schedule. I ask SO, and many times he doesn't even know, or is vague. Supposedly BM has her CALENDAR, but no one else has this calendar. I use my IPHONE to try to keep track, but because there are so many changes, things are always in a state of flux. I got angry and told SO that I am tired of BM "snapping her fingers and we have to jump whenever she wants in whatever direction she wants..." That caused an argument and I received the silent treatment. Not fun, and an already stressful day.

When we dropped Munchkin off at BM's, there were many snotty comments made in my direction, by her, however, I simply smiled and said the general "that's fine, that sounds good, ok, fine...I misunderstood...obviously, sure you can make a calendar for us too" (which I will copy and burn the original.

After a few moments of this type of conversation "well you are obviously STUCK on this, and I have the CALENDAR RIGHT HERE..."

Yeah, ok, so then I blew my stack (internally) and walked out of the tiny sh!tty apartment, using my middle finger (through the wall - and its a bit rusty), and blew up later in the car, creating a big argument.

It just doesn't seem fair that POS BM gets to celebrate mothers day, and I do not. But that is how my life has gone, not being able to have children. I know this, I have accepted my fate.

I take Munchkin to the park, to surf camp, to get school supplies, to get clothing, bathing suits, winter jackets. I make her breakfast lunch and dinner. I teach her how to cook, and how to cut and slice and mince, I taught her how to cook eggs and toast the way she likes. BM gets to wear the badge that I have earned, simply because of her uterus. And even though she is abusive to eldest daughter, she gets to have their love, no matter what she does. Frustrating.

SO told me that I allow BM and Winona SD18 to "ruin" my life, and that I need to "let them go and be happy with myself". So, today is as good a day as any to relinquish the hold that they have on me and my emotions. I just feel like releasing them ALL and walking away. See how they enjoy their lives without me.

After feeling this way, I received a text from a friend asking if I would like to volunteer at a big, local fashion show. It is already sold out, it is fun and I said "yes"!!!! Definitely!" A "step away" in the right direction.