I said that THING THAT CANNOT BE SAID
And I liked it.
Last night was munchkin SD14's day 1 of her week with us. Shes happy and skipping around. This is her typical "transition" activity where she asks a bunch of questions and queries us on our day and our week. Nohting much, we were tired.
THEN she likes to launch into her "complaints of the week" which typically center around her sister, Feral Forger SD21, who STILL has no job, no license and mooches off Toxic Troll. And because I care less and less as well as have not a snit of sympathy for the situation, I half listen and do the typical hmmmmm ummmm hmmmm aha.
Well, something burst in me last night. Typically I am the first one to say to others "do not utter a SINGLE negative thing about the bio parent. This is set in stone. Immovable. Even if they are crack-smoking, child-abusing narcs, do not utter a whisper of a word of negativity about bio parent.
But, well I did.
Munchkin was telling me a story about how Feral Forger will go out, and come back and sleep all day and it is near impossible to wake her up. To the point that Toxic Troll has put a speaker and blasted her music next to her.
I said "well STEP PARENTS will vaccume at 6 am, and blast music at 6 am..." She said "oh my mother does all that!!!!"
I cut her off "Notice I said STEP PARENTS do that. Because many STEP PARENTS are not allowed to parent and will HAVE to resort to these things in a passive agressive manner to get that child up. PARENTS can yell and tell the child 'get your butt up NOW, you will do this NOW".
She got quiet for a split second...wait for it. No running to room for a cry session!!!!
Conversation continued as usual....
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Comments
Munchkin
Clove, I've been following your story for awhile Toxic Troll & Feral Forager are truly beyond the pale. But i have a growing admiration for Munchkin. When i read about that 14 yo girl helping look for an apartment, trying to parent her loser mother, dealing with the pets, etc., well, all I can say, how proud you must be. I know she probably gets on your nerves sometimes and the whole situation is barely tolerable with the other two bighting all your lives. But that girl is showing some very positive character. All you can do is hope the whole situation is making her a strong person ( I think it is).
She is!!!!
She has become stronger as a result and she knows that I am her "safe place". She likes to grouse about her sister, I let her, no biggie. I try to use that energy to get her excited about the new life ahead of her!
She is a lot to handle for me right now - the teenager hormones and emotional roller coaster (exacytly WHY are you crying right now? I said hello?) the fact that I have no bios of my own, plus the fact that she is up in our business ALL the time...
I do love her and love the personality I see developing.
Perhaps THATS what I was thinking when I said what I said. I want her to know what parenting should actually look like!!! Its not vacuming around said sleeping child and blasting the music in hopes that they get up and make something of their life. Sometimes its grabbing them by the collar and telling it must be done NOW.
Teenage
Im glad she has a place where she can act like a teenager instead of a caretaker. You know, being lazy, crying for no reason, sleeping late, acting disrespectful-- all that fun stuff. Lol.
One thing she is...
Is emotional! Even before hormones.
ONe thing she is not, is disrespectful. The opposite of her mother and mother's mini-me, her sister. But all I get is the good stuff, about how respectful and kind her mother is. Even after calling her father names via text...me names. So I tread carefully.
But Munchkin is pretty respectful in general. There are those times when she will do the cutoff and divert in conversation...but I nip that where I can.
How respectful and kind her mother is.....
I think children have to believe positive things about their BMs, even in the face of evidence to the contrary. I think it is healthy, somehow. There are probably professionals on here who could explain it better but I think it has something to do with their self-image.
I also think kids rebel against people who they sense are strong enough to take it, like you and DH.
Yes & Yes
Ive been a strong proponent of "let her speak well of her mother, its good for her", so I encourage it - Im like "go for it", but it was a process.
Its along the lines of "if mother has good qualities, I came from her, so Im good too." Munchkin has a strong self-confidence - almost overly confident, despite being obese. Im afraid that her confidence will get crumbled in high school, or that she will become narcissistic like her sister and mother, but so far so good.
Shes not really rebeled in any way. Her sister did all that already, and her sister now completely controls the mother.
I do not know if its just that we are the solid ones so we are safe...?
I think at this point
I think at this point Munchkin (much like SS15) need to hear truths sometimes. Nothing wrong with that to me.
Glad she didn't run away this time!
Truths
I may be a bit harsh sometimes, bit not always.
Shes just seeing how parenting works (and doesnt). Truth is not always comfortable.