I have to take a moment, as I just got the news last night. My sister was a year younger than I, almost to the day. I did not meet her 'till I was 20, and she never knew I existed. I was the lucky one. I was given up for adoption at birth by my bio-mom, she then went on to have 2 more girls, all a year apart from eachother, she kept them, or at least tried. I knew I was adopted, but did not start searching until after I was married, and planning to have my own family. Was hoping to find my bio-mom. I went thru alot, no internet back then when I first started searching. I hired a search assistant and she found my sister Valarie....she lived only 3 hours south of me in Fl. I was thrilled. Our meeting was great, to finally see her, and then to see that I had a second sister, was amazing. We look so much alike.....but our lives were compleatly different. They were taken from bio-mom when they were little, and placed into foster care in miami (we were all born up north in Ma. in the same hospital), so meeting up w/ them in Fl. was amazing. They had it really bad, products of the "system" so to speak. They told me our mother never came back for them, and then they hear she died. They had been thru so much, the stories they had told me about how they grew up, were flat out scary! I can't get into details, it sickens me. My sister Valarie, and I connected alot, although it was har sometimes to have a relationship w/ her. My other sister, I could not relate to at all, I tried, but we are just way to different, to put it nicely. Valarie was trying to do the "family" thing, she had alot of kids...even gave 2 up for adoption (bad cycle here), she later met a real nice guy, and got married, and had kids w/ him. I thought she would be happy, but I guess she was not. We have both moved, and lost touch, as we have before, but always managed to "find" eachother again. Well, yesterday, I was doing just that, and Valarie's husband answered the phone and told me the news. my sister took her own life, last year. I was shocked at first, but I know that no matter what, she was never fully happy. She was really lost, with both her parents dead, and her/ our sister being a total mess, and never having a "family" to raise her, I guess was just to much. Her husband tried so hard, I know he did, he has been with her for the past 12 years, and has put up w/ alot. It was never enough. She gave up, weather she really wanted to die, or was just hoping to "dissapear" for a while (she o.d. on pills) we don't know. Her husband has the kids, and is moving on w/ the help from his family. I feel so bad. I know this sounds weird, but in my sisters name today, I thank god for the decisions that were made that got me where I am in my life. I thank god for my mother and father,that I was given to them, for my family,who raised me in a loving and safe enviorment, my kids, and my DH, who love me everyday, and give me strength at times when I have none, and give me a future to look forward to. I pray that Valarie has found peace, it was all she wanted, I know it. Many adopted people wonder what their life would have been like if they were not given up, I got to see it. I can't believe she's gone......it really makes me think differently about alot of things now. God Bless you Val. I'm sorry,and, I love you.