GRRRRRR!!!! and other bad words
I am feeling greatly irritated this morning and I can't seem to get over it so I am coming to you all, my wailing wall. Severus is driving me NUTS!!!!! By time he leaves to go back to BM's, I will be taking his meds just to deal with him.
The worst part is, its not just one thing. It's his entire way of being. He truly thinks that rules and norms do not apply to him and consequences of his actions are just other people being mean. He doesn't get that people are reacting to things he has done. I asked him today why he feels he can just get away with being a slacker and he said "because I'm special. I forget things." I wanted to scream.
Another little thing I deal with, is Severus' need to stress test everything he touches. He breaks my DD2's toys. And when you ask him why he was messing with a 2 year olds toys...it's I forgot I wasn't supposed to. Last night he broke the curtain rod in the skid's room. I told him he needed to come up with a way to fix it. And he said I could just buy another. I said I would and I would take the money out of his birthday money. That shut him up but OMG!!!!! I don't think I am going to make the next 2 weeks without a break (the skids won't return to BM until school starts because she is taking a vacation to the Bahama's). Yes, I'm bitter 
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OUCH
What works adn is effective, if need be take everything out of skids room or severus room and only leave a bed and a dresser, tell him no tv and no computer and no phone that will whip his A$$ into shape pretty quick, then when he breaks things start charging him for it, my SS used to break things and so I went into walmart one day and bought a charge booklet and started writting charges to him and giving them to his BM. that shapes it up quickly to.
OUCH
What works adn is effective, if need be take everything out of skids room or severus room and only leave a bed and a dresser, tell him no tv and no computer and no phone that will whip his A$$ into shape pretty quick, then when he breaks things start charging him for it, my SS used to break things and so I went into walmart one day and bought a charge booklet and started writting charges to him and giving them to his BM. that shapes it up quickly to.
BM's words
exit through his mouth. It's eerie.
Are you able to talk to DH
Are you able to talk to DH about his son's behavior? You shoulnd't have to deal with his acting out by yourself. You're not the one who set the precedent for him to behave this way in the first place. It sounds like at some point BM or DH reinforced that acting out gets attention so that’s why he’s testing you. Sometimes kids will be annoying just to get attention, even if it’s negative attention.
DH and I seem
to be on the same page in regards to the behavior. I know it annoys DH to have such an irresponsible and destructive son. I feel bad for DH in fact. I can't imagine not really liking the person my child was becoming. I think in this I do have it easier because I can honestly say "He's not mine!"
BM definately reinforces his idea that he is special and above the rules. She seems to revel in this fact. What a wonderful mother she is to handle such a "troubled" child!!! :sick:
Where DH and I have a hard time, is that we are the EOWE parents. And we get 6 weeks in the summer and a few other holidays. It comes out to something like 110 overnights a year. You can't correct 9 months of training EOWE. Even our 6 weeks are hard because, we have to try to deprogram him and by time we do, we are sending him back to BM.
It is very frustrating to not have our values and ethics being installed in DH's kid.
Just between us steps, I really think this kid is going to be the kid that either graduates at 21 or gets a GED at 30, is on welfare his whole life because no one treats him right at his "jobs", messes with drugs, gets at least 3 different women preggers (and never gets to see the kids because the mamma's are b@%$hs), and goes around constantly with his hand out. Do any of you know people like that? I really fear that is what is in store for Severus and I feel horrible for DH because I think he fears it too.
Well that’s at least got
Well that’s at least got to be a comfort to you that DH isn’t completely delusional about his child. A lot of dads would be in denial, and think their kids behavior is angelic and be confused as to why you don’t feel the same way. Maybe there’s still hope since DH isn’t in denial. I know it seems like a lot, but dealing with his behavior EOWE is still better than dealing with it every day.
Oh, yes I know someone like that
He's my almost 18 year old stepson who lives with us FULLTIME because his mother is deceased. There is no BREAK from him. He is17 and acts like he is at best 12. He failed 8th grade and his father had them pass him anyway because we were moving and he was already 15. Then last year he was a Freshman in high school turned 17 last fall. He failed most of his classes and he was getting extra help. One teacher actually said to us in a meeting in front of SS that "SS was an auditory learner and therefore had trouble taking notes and listening at the same time so she would take his notes for him and SS should just pretend like he's taking notes so the other kids would not notice." I was speechless! And guess what? He still failed the class!!!! He totally uses people and manipulates them. He lies and cheats. I honestly don't even want to talk to him anymore because I don't know if one word coming out of his mouth is the truth. He has no idea how to function in the world. He couldn't even fill out a job application. But his father just keeps making excuses any little thing he does right and his father thinks "oh, I think this really got through to him." Bull**** Now my H has decided without any regard to my feelings, that SS should get one more year in high school (even though he's basically a Freshman again at 18!) and that if he "turns things around" (so sick of hearing that one!) then we should let him stay until he finishes high school which would be another two years at least after this year. I honestly just don't think I can take it. My H and I have been fighting about SS. I am just so tired. Some people say disengage and I'm trying, but it's kind of hard when they live with you and drive you CRAZY! He doesn't drive, date, do anything that indicates independence from daddy because then he knows he would have responsibilities and expectations. Oh no, he doesn't want that. He even most days meets my H at the door when he gets home from work. I can't even just greet my H when he gets home without 18 yr old "baby "being there. He lurks around the house. You never really know where he is and it's very unnerving. And he has this fake cough that he does all the time. His father of course doesn't even notice these things. I know a lot of you have totally crazy BM to deal with and I am not minimizing that at all, but at least these little brats, GO SOMEWHERE ELSE!!!!!! This little passive aggressive brat sabotaged my marriage from the beginning by constantly saying how wonderful his mother was at everything, to the point of being ridiculous. Things that weren't even true. But yes, she was a very different person than me. And at that point, I didn't want to say anything bad about his mother and he usually said everything so innocently (like a passive aggressive)that I ended up not knowing how to respond the resentment and anger just kept building. Until he actually made me believe that she was better than me which then caused all kinds of problems in my marriage. Needless to say, his mother was not the perfect being he thinks she is. He shows no remorse for anything he does, never truly apologizes for anything. Only if he thinks "daddy" is going to yell at him. Everything is just about him. He has this air of entitlement to him that drives me insane. Who the hell is he to think that he deserves for us to take care of him and provide for him for the rest of his fuc*** life???????
OMG!!!
I am so sorry that you are dealing with what I am only in fear of. I hope that you are able to get your DH to listen and realize this kid is 18!!! and an adult and needs to sink or swim. Failing that, I hope you are able to find peace within your home. Please realize (as I am beginning to) that you are in no way responsible for how this "child" turns out.
***Hugs***
Park his ass in a dead-end corner in your house and don't let
him out until he gets the message. Try sentences. "I will not treat other peoples belongings carelessly", "I will do what I am told to do when I am told to do it." "I will not lie, cheat, steal or tolerate those who do." .......... pick a sentence designed to focus his obviously undisciplined mind on the problem.
Make him write sentences all day every day until his behavior warrants a reprieve. Of course he needs time off (as brief as possible) for bathroom breaks and meals (maybe 5mins for the toilet and 15mins for meals).
Once he burns through the pencil lead and paper for a few thousand sentences he will get the message.
The bonus is that he will have the best hand writing in school by the time he gets the message.
Just my thoughts of course (it worked fairly well for my Skid when he was in the 8-12yo range).
Good luck and best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
Excellent suggestion
I think I will try it. Can't hurt...unless you count the hand cramps. }:-)
seriously
Seriously he is 18 buy a payment cooklet at walmart ot somewhere like that and just start charging him for things he brekas, and also write one out for BM it stops quickly after that.