I think I have figured out why Severus pushes my buttons. It stems from worry about the future. I worry that he will be labeled as disabled and that he will live with BM forever (meaning DH will have to pay to support him forever). I worry that he will become a drain on society. I worry he will become an embarrassment to the family. I worry he will always use excuses as to why he doesn't succeed in life. I worry that as an adult people will look at him and think "What a loser!" I worry that he will do something really stupid and either hurt himself or someone else.

It also has to do with the behaviors that he exhibits. He lies. He cheats. He steals. He's a bully. I hate these types of behaviors in anyone and to see it in a child that I feel responsible for sets me on edge. I want to make him see that the small gains that he may receive with these behaviors are completely overshadowed by the long term loss of trust. Quite frankly, if I met an adult with behaviors such as these, I would have nothing to do with the person.

My DH's main complaint with me is that he thinks that I am too hard on Severus. And I am harder on Severus than either DH or BM are. I actually expect him to follow the same rules and guidelines as the rest of the family. Harry (SS10) follows the same rules but doesn't catch hell because he doesn't try to slack off all the time. BD2 follows the same rules and guidelines (at an age appropriate level) so I know its not hard. The difference is, I give Severus no slack. I know its because I have no trust that he even tries. He has proven to me time and again, that his goal is to get out of every task or chore.

I had a call with my mother and these topics were brought up. I was raised in a strict house and I keep a tight ship myself. This is natural for me. I want my children to grow up to be honest, forth right, caring and fair. I want them to have the skills to care for themselves and for a family. To see a child growing up, even partially, in my home and not aquiring these traits makes me sad. And to see 2 parents standing by and not doing anything to correct it makes me mad.

So there it is. I don't hate Severus. I just don't like him. And I know it is not an incapability to love a step child that is happening here (after all, I love Harry), its just that I can't love someone with these personality traits. I do hope, though, that he finds something that clicks with him to help him become a better person.