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SS is here ! Disengaging starts now

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Submitted by Caroline2b1211 on Sat, 07/10/2021 - 2:41pm

So SS is here for his july holidays week. 

Before his arrival, i was wondering if i will have a serious talk with him. He already had a serious talk with BM and DH weeks before, about his behaviour, attitude, manipulative talks, lies and drama. 
 

And i decided to have a talk with him too. During all these years, i never ever said something to SS. Never ever ! It was my big first. Here it is : 

SS arrived this moring, with his obsequious tone "hi, i'm reeeeally happy to see you". 
Me : are you SS ? Are you really ? With you, who knows..

BM and MIL stole DH’s jewels to SS own benefit

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Submitted by Caroline2b1211 on Sat, 07/10/2021 - 3:57am

Hi there, 

I just need to vent, i'm so pissed off. 
 

DH has financial issues and needs to collect a huge amount of money before this autumn. 
His savings are not enough and he wants to minimize the bank loan he will have to do.

I said i want to be the less impacted possible about this issue. In fact, this financial issue is the result of DH bad decision taken with MIL advice. DH is the one responsible  for his bad choice, with MIL help. 
 

Next SS holidays coming

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Submitted by Caroline2b1211 on Mon, 07/05/2021 - 1:48pm

So, this saturday, SS is coming home for one week. 
I started being anxious today, about his visitation. 
 

As you know, he lies and he has been manipulative since months. With false allegations about us. 
I'm really exhausted, for this and other reasons. I'm really tired (work hard, my baby, DH & I financial issues) and it's not a good period for me and DH. 
I know my limit and i will not be able to handle, or even be the witness of a new SS selfish drama. I'm so so tired.

Memories from first times as a SM

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Submitted by Caroline2b1211 on Thu, 07/01/2021 - 6:52pm

Lately,
I need to vent, i need to express myself, i need and outlet for my rage feelings toward ILs. Writing helps a LOT. My blog helps a lot. Thanks Steptalk for existing !

We had a really bad news today. It's not about SS, but it affect DH a LOT. The bad news we had is the direct result from ILs bad advise at the time DH listened to them (at this time, we just met). 

I lost faith in blended family

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Submitted by Caroline2b1211 on Wed, 06/30/2021 - 5:43pm

I was 25 when i met DH and then SS. 
I was fully opened and really engaged to make the thing working out. 
I planned each SS visitation, bond with him by sharing his favorite activities. I was in charge of the homework, and when BM had her second child, we do our best to support her family choice. 
Then, i got pregnant, and all questions i had from DH familly became "and what about SS?" "And what about his wellbeing?" "And what about if he feels rejected?".

SS big confrontation with BP (DH and BM)

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Submitted by Caroline2b1211 on Sat, 06/26/2021 - 3:15pm

So, today was the big day. 
DH and BM had a big talk with SS about his manipulativr behaviour and lies.

I was afraid that the talk turned into "how can daddy improve your stay at home? What can he do to make you fully happier?"

But it didn't. BM was really strict to SS. They told him he was too selfish, manipulative and that lies won't help him anymore to have what he wants.

They also explained to him that thanks to his behaviour, he his not trusted anymore and that BM and DH will talk regularly to see if he is playing the two households. 
 

Tomorrow big talk with SS9

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Submitted by Caroline2b1211 on Fri, 06/25/2021 - 3:12pm

Tomorrow it's SS9 big talk with DH and BM. 
The goal for DH is to point out SS9 non acceptable behaviour. No more excuse for his manipulative lies and victim position.

My fear is that this talk turns into "how can daddy do to make you feel more happy and comfortable" ? 
I know BM can't resist to it in front of poppy crying SS. 
Let's hope DH don't feel trapped !

What i dream to say to manipulative SS9

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Submitted by Caroline2b1211 on Wed, 06/23/2021 - 3:03pm

My SS9 driving us crazy trying to get whatever he wants by lying and manipulating adults. 
He has developed two faces, can say that he spent a wonderful weekend with us and the minute he goes home tell his mother he did absolutely nothing but staying in his rooms. 
In april, he sent "SOS danger" to evil ILs just because his father asked him to better wash his teeth. Adults that surrounded him (ILs, maternal grand parents etc..) take his words for truth and he starts to enjoy create drama. 

Next time he comes home, i just dream of telling him : 

And i though it was a good week-end ...

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Submitted by Caroline2b1211 on Mon, 06/21/2021 - 6:50am

In my last post, i talked about last SS visit and how things  gone well with him. 
He seemed to enjoy the weekend his father planned to him (activities, gift for good grades etc..). Plus, we decided to cut off his phone (last post for more details) and he said that it was great 
This morning, DH called BM to know how was SS after this great weekend. And he was absolutely shocked by the answer.

SS said to BM that his father was so tired he spent the weekend sleepling and ignoring him. That he did nothing with us, and that it was so boring. 

First Week-end with SS without phone !

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Submitted by Caroline2b1211 on Sun, 06/20/2021 - 6:42am

SS came to spend father day at home. 
We decided to forbid his cellphone in our house, as MIL and SIL don't stop texting him to know what happens here. 
It was just amazing ! SS was completely different ! Just as he was before. Nice, kind, polite ! Wouaou ! 
We explained to him why we forbid the phone : to avoid any drama. Phone creates occasions to make drama, so we cut off it.

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