Next SS holidays coming
So, this saturday, SS is coming home for one week.
I started being anxious today, about his visitation.
As you know, he lies and he has been manipulative since months. With false allegations about us.
I'm really exhausted, for this and other reasons. I'm really tired (work hard, my baby, DH & I financial issues) and it's not a good period for me and DH.
I know my limit and i will not be able to handle, or even be the witness of a new SS selfish drama. I'm so so tired.
I'm considering talking to him when he arrives, really strictly, about his behaviour. About the fact i won't be able to handle under my roof any other drama from him.
Any advices ?
thanks all and have care
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You must make a plan
With DH. DH is just doing the big talk with SS . This method isn't working . If SS starts he must be punished someway. To show him this behavior will not continue. Its DH job his BF to deal with his DS . Even if that means sending him to BM.
No one is dealing with his behavior.,
Sending him to BM is just
Sending him to BM is just exhausting. 4 hours drives. We did last time, but with a baby it's really really difficult.
DH already did the big talk, i just want to reinforce that. He is not only in DH house, it's mine too. But maybe it'snt a good idea to talk with him.
You have every right to set
You have every right to set standards of behavior in your home. It's your home too! Talk to dh and figure out consequences beforehand and tell ss the day he arrives so everyone is clear.
I think your talk needs to be
I think your talk needs to be with your DH. Agree on the behavior standards and the consequences for not meeting them (a "talk" with SS isn't a consequence, as it obviously hasn't worked in the past). Then either DH reminds SS of the rules and expectations or you do it together. I would vote for together so you can be sure that DH is delivering the message correctly. My DH, for one, tends to be more forceful about his expectations of the skids when he's discussing them with me than he is when discussing them with the skids.
Then, whatever consequence you've decided on needs to be imposed every. single. time. that there is a transgression. If it's not, why would SS take your rules seriously? Do you guys know his currency? Do you know what will work as a punishment? Every kid is different - what worked for my parents with my sister didn't work at all with me, and vice versa.
Hi NDC, thanks for the advice
Hi NDC, thanks for the advice. DH and I will have a talk with him.
As his behaviour has been terrible, we have decided to take his phone (he uses it to make drama and we don't trust him on that, so it's a long term decision). Plus, he will have to earn TV time by reading.
Entertainement won't be our job, as when we plan and organize plenty of activities, he goes back to MIL and BM saying he did absolutely nothing and playing the mistreated kid.
For this week, it will only be center area activities during the day until 6pm. Then, he will have to deal with self entertainment.
He has lost his future birthday gift (a quad) due to previous drama.
So, i don't know what else to do, if he doesn't change his behaviour.
Hi everyone,
Hi everyone,
after a lot of thinking, i have decided i will talk to SS with DH. As it's my house, he need to understand that adults have limits too, and that i can't tolerate unrespectful behaviour anymore.
I've been quite quiet since his drama began, 8 month of silence and acceptation, he needs to know i'm out.
As i never ever had any talk with him, he might realise how much his behaviour is unacceptable.