MIL moving out after she broke up - SS holidays compromised
I just need to vent.
Tonight it's about MIL. She called DH to tell him she has broken up with her partner. They were together since 15 years but moved in 3 years ago. They were not married.
Before, she was living at her mother (DH grand mother) but the house has been sold since to pay for grand mother retirement home.
She is now a 60 yo woman, with no stable job (only "black" little job has a cleaning lady), no money (everything she ever has went direclty to SIL and SS) and no roof.
SIL can't invites her, so she is at a friend house for a few days and then she will take a little studio for the summer.
DH is worried because she is apparently super depressed when she is alone.
But what makes me "laugh" (because i'm not jocking about MIL situatuon) is : how will BM do for this summer ? Because since SS is "mature enough" to decide where to go and he has choosen to spend half summer to MIL, and now that she has no home, where will he go?
Because it's too late to come with us (center activities inscription are done and full) and BM has not other solution.
I will just "wait and see"
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Just make sure your husband
Just make sure your husband doesn't get any crazy ideas about taking her in given the harm she's already done to your ss and your family.
Seeing as bm relies so heavily on her, she might volunteer to house her.
Good luck to you.
Absolutely right ! I'm
Absolutely right ! I'm disgusted she called him to tell how depressed she is ! She never ever asked how DH felt, she just made our life a living hell and now she expect DH making something about her situation ? No way !
I agree with Winterglow..
I agree with Winterglow...make it clear to your DH that your MIL is not invited to move in. He sounds like he's expected to be the parent, but really 60 is not that old...she's perfectly capable of taking care of herself...if she chooses to.
Oh no
Sit your DH down today and without emotion make it very clear to him that your MIL is never ever moving in. Not even for a day and definitely not "while she is getting back on her feet". Your MIL still has strings to make your DH do her bidding. He's been working on setting boundaries but it is very hard to break all the controls that parents build into your psyche from childhood.
Absolutely this. Make sure
Absolutely this. Make sure your husband is aware of your very strong feelings on this BEFORE he brings the topic of her needing his (your) "help".
SH is absolutely aware of my
SH is absolutely aware of my position and knows that it will be the end of our couple if he offers MIL to come home.
Thanks for support !
I've been thinking about this
I've been thinking about this and it could get worse ... for you. Your MIL has few resources - an undeclared job as a cleaning lady and that's it, right? And she's too young to retire (though if she's been working undeclared for years her pension won't be much). So what is she going to do? She could very well demand support from you and your husband ... and get it. Have a read of this:
https://www.service-public.fr/particuliers/vosdroits/F2009
For those of you who don't read French, it's a detailed explanation of how adult children are under obligation to support (either financially or in kind) their parents should need be (article 205, Code Civil).
Wow
Doesn't seem to be anyway of avoiding responsibility unless your parents physically abused you as a child.
In this context does belles filles only mean daugher in law? Or step daughter or god daughter?
Only daughter in law ! So
Only daughter in law ! So great isn't it ?
And the parent can choose which child he wants to bring to court !
Hi winterglow ! Yes i know of
Hi winterglow !
Yes i know of course, and i'm worried since many months about that possible situation.
However, to get financial help from adult children, a parent must go to court. It will be long, and i'm not sure she is ready for that now.
But, absolutely right, one day we will have to face financial support for her. It's our legal duty as a child and a daughter in law to do so..
The worst thing is that we will have to do the same for DH father, which DH barely knows. He left MIL when DH was 5 and MIL never ever did anything to get financial support to rise their children. She was too afraid that the father could take the kids for holidays if she asked for financial support. She officialy divorced when she move in with her ex-partner 4 years ago.
So officialy, DH father never left them, and DH will have to support him too !
What a poison ! She is so b
Yes, but at least you might
Yes, but at least you might be able to get out of it with im by claiming he didn't support his son up until age 12 ... a good lawyer should be able to defend that. Your MIL is quite a case, isn't she? Also, your resources aren't infinite ...
I already made my researches,
I already made my researches, and because MIL and DH father stayed married until 4 years ago, legally, there is no proof DH father didn't support him !
And for MIL as well, she didn't really "support" DH because from age 5 to age 15 he was living with his maternal grand parents. MIL former boyfriend didn't like to live with DH, so she sent her son to her parent.
When she split up, and when DH began to work, she took him back so he could paid half the rent.
MIL is a super case, in France we call people like her "social case". She has no clear sense of what an adult must do. She has all her mental capabilities but is absolutely socially deficient. She doesn't know what to do in clear circonstances, and always choose the wrong way, the wrong choice.
It's horrible, and in fact she is miserable. But i can't feel for her because of all the awfull things she has done to my family.