Cutting the wallet strings and Boundaries
A few weeks ago ss30 and his newest pothead gf come for a visit. Gf is talking about her future with ss30, how they're going to get married. ss30 is talking about kids and settling down with gf. After they left DH and I had a discussion about how "mature and grown up" ss30 was. How he's making adult decisions, settling down...blah blah. I went along with it all, was supportive and interjected that since ss30 is now "adulting" this is the perfect time for him to take over his phone bill (which exceeds $1200 a year due to excessive data usage). After all he should be completely independent before he gets married and starts supporting a family. I reminded DH that if we kept paying his bill then we would like be paying hers soon enough too.
Yesterday it happened, DH's testicles descended and he and ss30 went to the phone store to make him responsible for his own bill! Later they went out for lunch and ss30 was talking about his future again and how he wants to buy a house in our neighborhood since it's a great place to raise kids :jawdrop: I told DH that we are setting the rule right now that they will never live with us. Before DH and I married ss30 lived with him and he always moved in his current fling. He verbally agreed it's not gonna happen but I think I should get it in writing 
ss26 is living with his inlaws and constantly complains about how small and crowded their house it and how it would be so nice to be in a house like ours (hint hint). No DH, ss26, his wife and two children are NOT moving in. I'm the boundary bitch lately.
Currently ss30 and newest serious pothead gf are couch surfing @ BM's small townhome. Previously living with SIL but she finally got tired of them and gave them the boot.
The thought of ss30 respawning gives me the chills. I'm hoping that all the drugs he's done has rendered him impotent.
Some people should just be
Some people should just be spayed or neutered. It is scary how many people reproduce. Yet, they can not even support themselves. We wonder why their is so much poverty in this country.
I agree. They are in no way
I agree. They are in no way in no way ready to RESPAWN. GF is nice enough and even though she's a major pothead she manages to stay employed. They are both couch surfing on whichever relatives will tolerate them. She gave up a great opportunity in the military to be with ss30 because she's soooooo in looooove...blech. Like your signature she too is looking through the rose colored glasses.
I once hired someone to help
I once hired someone to help me spring clean. Her boyfriend and her had 3 kids and wanted another. She was doing odd jobs and he was out of work living with her parents. I was like wtf.
I could not live like that. What the hell are you thinking about having more kids when you can't afford a roof over your head or if you are dependent on your parent paying any of your bills.
As long as the parents are
As long as the parents are paying their way; Why not?
Boundary bitch.... I like
Boundary bitch.... I like this term. Filing it away for future use.
Same!
Same!
It's better than being
It's better than being Doormat Debbie
"DH's testicles descended"!
"DH's testicles descended"! Love it. I'm still working on getting my DH's to come down. I'm making a little progress after 15 years. We'll see what happens at the end of the month here when he has the "big talk" with adult stepkids. Keep your humor and chin up, still learning, like you have been doing, and you'll do fine. Threestrikes, I was in a very similar situation like you re: marital home that, under divorce order, is to be sold "when last child leaves home." BM did the same thing--had her son and his GF move in around that time, as if daring DH to make a move. Don't know if this was right or not, but DH and I decided to just forget it. We had a long talk about it, saw a lawyer about how to go about it, etc., and then decided histrionic BM would get her kicks out of the legal battle, making sure the kids were lined up in her corner, while hubby and I got kicked, beaten and bruised. Decided it wasn't worth it. BUT, in hindsight, maybe we should have. I wonder how that works if she tries to sell the home? Would a title search ever show that husband still has some sort of claim to it, if he even still does? Or, could she sell it and get 100% of profits, no questions asked. Anyway. . .
Good for you Threestrikes.
Good for you Threestrikes. Stand your ground!
Now that's some serious
Now that's some serious stings of attachment Threestrikes. DH is giving BM and all the skids a free ride. So who's paying the taxes? I hope you do indeed get the home on the market by the end of summer, it would be better for everyone involved.
Oh I have! I have a weekly
Oh I have! I have a weekly hotel with kitchette all planned out if there is ever any extended "visits."
That's how they start.
That's how they start. Complaining about their current living situation to get the parent's sympathy and then next thing you know, they are at your front door and it seems like the right thing to do. Adults looking for a free ride.
So true, that's what's going
So true, that's what's going on at ss's inlaws house. SDIL, SS26, sgs7, sgs2 and now sdil's sister and her toddler son have moved in since the sister is getting divorced. ss26 is practically begging DH to move in the downstairs of our home since we have a spare room. Not gonna happen!!!
It's huge! DH has made
It's huge! DH has made excuses for whey this "child" could not pay his own bills for 7+ years and all 3 that we've been married. We were also his main storage unit for awhile until I got tired of wading through and cleaning around his crap, some of which included marajuana pipes etc. DH agreed that BM should store his stuff since ss was living with her @ the time. Now there are a few large items of his here that will be exiting the next time he has any semblance of a stable couch or actual residence.
Never let them move into your
Never let them move into your home. Ever.
Amen hippiegirl! I will take
Amen hippiegirl! I will take this and others advice to heart.
Paying SS30 bills...
Paying a child bills at 30 is just giving them excuses to be immature. There is nothing mature about enabling a adult of 30. SS30 is blowing smoke up you axx about being more mature and he is telling you things to fake you out. Been down this road with my SBrother. At 30 he was homeless and not willing to help himself. I let him stay until he found a job and I knew of a cheap apt all bills paid when he saved enough. Well, 5 years went by before I cut that shit off. He was going to concerts and out drinking all night with friends. Going on weekend trips w/friends, river and lake. He finally moved when I started billing him for his share of the household expenses to live here which is double what he would pay for any one bedroom apt. Now I'm the mean SSister who just doesn't understand him. Dude pay your own way in life. It isn't anyone elses place after they attain age of 18 (in my opinion) unless they are going for a higher education and working to better their lives to become independent mature your adult. Not use us to prolong their irresponsible ways.
THIS. Yep, time to move on
THIS. Yep, time to move on and not move in. One of my SDS got married and once that happened there was NO way they are coming back to live. Been there and done that - it was a very punishing experience. Expectant, demanding, and acting as if unhappy to be there - sat in the basement, rent free, never contributing to the household and demanding regular meals while we worked full time. It was so bad i used to sit outside my garage and think - do I have to go in there? At my own house. To this day, there's no gratitude for allowing that rent free stint that last 3x longer then expected. Boundaries are so very important and I am learning to keep them in place- I've never been happier and I have even had time to heal my own wound from the SK abuse. Say no, continue to say no and do not ease up on it.
I am sure his potential future spawn are hoping he is sterile as
well.
If you can't feed em, don't breed em.
Not a complex concept.