Discipline Nightmare
So I have been feeling very uneasy about the way we are disciplining our. My fiancé does not like to be strict with his oldest son when it comes to discipline. His punishments are a lot easier than the my my Bio Daughter receives. One of the reasons he say he doesn't want to be strict is because his BM is not strict at her house. He is so worried about his son not "liking" him. I keep telling him that it's not fair to my daughter ther she has certain punishments & when he comes over here it's different. And mind you that my daughter does not get in the level of trouble or as frequently as his son. I also told him that we cannot base the rules of "our" house on what she (BM) does in her house. He claims if he is strict that SS wouldn't want to come over here & will resent him in the future. Mind you I'm only talking about punishments of no tv, videos game, computer. I just feel that it's not our jobs to try and be our kids friends. Pls help!! I really need advice because he is not getting me at all.
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Is he the father of the other
Is he the father of the other kids? If not, he doesn't get to punish any kids that aren't his. If he is the father, I don't know if I could let the boy go unpunished. What if you dolled or the punishments? If you can't win either way, you all have deeper problems than the punishments and parenting. IMO, spouses have to have each other's backs in everything. Letting the boy go with no boundaries, no behavior consequences, is setting him up for failure and that wedge between you and your husband will only grow.
Not everything that goes on at his mom's is allowed at your house, that needs to be established and guarded. If he gets pissed off, doesn't matter. He'll get over it. You're not a parent until you've pissed off your kids by making them mind.
Your husband is failing his son, period!
You need to parent your child
You need to parent your child and let him parent his child.
That means he has no say on the discipline with your daughter and you have no say on the discipline with his son.
If you DD ask why the punishments are different, tell her the truth. I am you parent and I decide how to raise you. DH is SS's parent and decides how to raise him.