broken record here... but I just have no place else to vent.
Last night I discovered that everyone got to see SS13. But me. BM, SO and the SO of BM. All together. One big happy ass family. Not only that but they all went to SD17 game together while SO was down there for SS13. One more this is where you rate kick. And then last night I was driving by the second hand store where I sold my wedding dress, shoes and damn flower for my hair and guess what was on the mannequin right in the front window? Yep my dress, shoes and flower. What a wonderful reminder that I was asked to marry somebody but was put on the back burner because of a selfish brat. I thought getting rid of that damn shit would help me get over the hurt. Now it's in the window of the small town I live in. And we are all one ways here.... so in order to leave town I have to drive by it. Good times. Good times.
I hope everyone else is having a GREAT Wednesday. I will get off my pitty band wagon after I have a bottle of wine friday night. 
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Hey butterfly, at least you
Hey butterfly, at least you drink, I gave up drinking NYE, I don't smoke, I have no freinds or family near me, live in a small countryside village with absolutely nothing to do...except speak to other unhappy SP's....what a godsend this site is...well, i don't belive in god, if he/she/it existed, my SK would obey me xxxxxx enjoy your drink x
Butterfly, is he trying to
Butterfly, is he trying to exclude you, or spare you? Maybe he's actually thinking that all of this would have been a burden on you. Have you tried looking at it that way?
Well, I never leaned in that
Well, I never leaned in that direction even when i had a happy single life, but I do believe what goes around comes around, but then again, what did I do to deserve this then. I wish more than anything I could find a higher power to believe in so I could gather strength from it, but it's just not happening....
(((hugs))) I am so sorry that
(((hugs))) I am so sorry that you have been incredibly hurt by all of this. IMHO, he is sending you a message loud and clear. everyone got to see SS13. But me. BM, SO and the SO of BM. All together. One big happy ass family... I was... put on the back burner because of a selfish brat.
I am apologizing in advance because I don't want to hurt your feelings but you should have left him when the wedding was cancelled. I don't feel it is wise to invest any more emotional capital in a long term relationship that already seems poised to bring you additional heartache. Besides, you must remember that SD17 will always be your SO's daughter.
I talked to him last night
I talked to him last night about it. Basically if I was there SD17 would refuse to be there. And it's her brother. So it's not about sparing me. It's about letting SD17 call all the shots.
^This
^This
HE flat out told me two
HE flat out told me two months ago. If we were to get married she would never speak to me again. So I took that as a marriage proposal take back. Sold everything I bought for it. And buried the hurt.
Butter, My heart is breaking
Butter,
My heart is breaking for you. I can't imagine what you are feeling. I hurt just reading your blogs lately.
Is there any reason you aren't just moving on with your life elsewhere?
I thought this was going to
I thought this was going to be the last relationship not the "next". I cry as I type because my kids love him so much. And I would be failing yet again in their eyes. And failing again in my parents eyes and talk about the fuel my ex husband would have regarding another failed relationship in my rear view mirror. I have never met anyone like SO. EVerything I have ever been waiting for despite this hang up is what he is. A non cheater. A non abuser. A guy who sets his phone alarm to remind him to help pick up laundry or do the dishes and of course take out the trash. HE goes out of his way for my kids. When my daughter calls crying asking for help regarding her own father, my SO will get in his car and go to her. Talk to her. Hug her. Hold her. I just feel like so much is riding on my shoulders. And once again I'm going to be one big let down. But I don't know what is worse this back seat or what my kids will go through if I bail on this. I feel caught. And I love my SS13. EVery time he comes here I cry when he leaves. I text him. Call him, and skype him. So I just up and leave him to? Ugh....
Have I mentioned he hasn't even taken the skids to meet my parents? And my parents are 15 minutes from us? Always something else to do. OR they aren't ready for that. Or I'm not sure SD17 wants to do that.
I am already stressing the summer. They come for the whole summer. What if she comes? How do I deal with that? What if SO decides to go stay at his mom's so she will come? How do I deal with that? Will that be the straw that breaks this? Should it be? OR does God want me to be patient. Why does BM BF get to be a part of things and accepted and I am not? OH the answer to that is well he has been in her life for 3 years. Well I am going on a year and a half. That is LONG enough.
Ah butterfly.... I remember
Ah butterfly....
I remember crying because I thought I was a failure in my childrens eyes when I decided to divorce their father. But let me tell you another story. Growing up, my brother and I used to talk about who we would live with if our parents divorced. They never did. I never understood why they stayed together. Today in my opinion, they are still miserable. I was more on my Dad's side and frankly still am really - both are to blame, my dad isn't an easy man to live with - I can see that - but I think everyone would have been happier if they had divorced. My mom almost treats my dad likes it his fault she is stuck married to him, I see this as very weak on her part - she always taught me to be strong yet I see her as too weak to make herself happy which in turn would have made everyone else happier.
I left my XH FOR my girls - I showed them what it took to be strong - that is NOT a failure, my marriage was a failure, not me. My kids of course love their father - I guess the difference in the current situation is that the kids love their SF which I don't know how that would play out - my DH asked me once if I died if my XH would let him see my kids - I don't know, maybe - I understand this changes the stakes a little.
Do you really have a marriage? If yes, is it the type of marriage you want to show your kids? That was one of my kickers, I didn't want my daughters to be taught its ok to settle - I asked myself what I would tell my daughters to do if they came to me in my previous situation and asked me what to do - I would have told them to move on with their life and pursue happiness - THAT is how I knew it was the right decision.